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by thusispeak
Summary: Beneath her long fiery red hair lies a lonely girl. She's vulnerable, alone and doesn't quite fit in. Her parents died, she dealt with it. Her best friend ditches her, she deals with it. James Potter hating her...now that's a bit harder.
1. Prologue

**I'm back everyone! So yes, my story got deleted because my title was G-rated but don't worry, that doesn't mean that I'm going to abandon it. And I hope you don't either. Reviews mean a lot to me and the fact that they all got deleted was horrible to bear. I hope everyone reviews again for my sake. By the way, I made a few corrections to the story so it would be more enjoyable for you guys. So there you go and on with the story!**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. Harry Potter and all the characters belong to J.K Rowling except for Alex.**

Chapter one

Lily Evans was running in the portrait hall, her long fiery red hair flowing behind her. She was late for her transfiguration class…again. God she hated Monday mornings. It was just the beginning of another week that was doomed to be as uninteresting as the last. For her, it was always the same routine, it never changed. The only interesting part was that of James Potter! Oh God help her, he was gorgeous with his messy black hair, mysterious blue eyes and tall muscular frame. The worst part is that he knew it… Too bad he didn't like her very much. In fact, Lily was sure he hated her.

Lily looked at her muggle watch. The one her parents gave her before they died, right before her 15th birthday. It was a crucial moment in her life that changed everything for her. She hasn't been the same since. Her family was her only treasure in this world and it had fallen apart.

Lily was now sixteen and was living with her aunt Helen because Petunia, her beloved sister, thought it all her fault that her parents got killed by some crazy wizard who claimed to take over the world. Thus to be blunt, she hated Lily and wanted nothing to do with her. Lily didn't care much because Petunia had just gotten engaged to a fat, ugly, idiotic loser who had the unfortunate name of Vernon Dursley which meant that she wouldn't be seeing much of her sister anyway.

"What a pathetic name" Lily thought to herself "Miss Petunia Vernon Dursley…eww."

During her expedition, Lily had managed to get lost in the moving staircases and finally arrived to her class 15 minutes late.

She breathed in while standing in front of the room. She hated being the center of attention. She opened the door that made a loud screeching noise and the whole class turned towards her. She felt herself becoming hot and she was sure no one would see the difference between herself and the color of her hair. She probably looked like lobster by now.

"Miss Evans" the professor said with her lips pursed. She never showed any form of emotion "You are 15 minutes late." She continued.

"I'm sorry professor, it won't happen again. I promise."

A boy at the back row of the class snickered, that was Sirius Black. He was quite tall, just a bit shorter than James. He had the darkest, most piercing eyes that Lily has ever seen. His hair was long and reached the base of his neck giving him very manly features. Oh yes, James and Sirius were very intimidating when together.

"Of course Evans, isn't that what you said last time?" Sirius stated sarcastically.

What he said was true, Lily couldn't deny it. This wasn't the first time that she was late because she had slept in. In fact, the times were so countless that she couldn't even count them on both her hands.

Lily then showed great interest in her black shoe laces. They were undone. She then bent down to tie them and other snickers were heard.

"Nice underwear Evans" She heard a Slytherin call out to her. She turned around only to find that someone had made her skirt lift with a spell. She blushed even more if possible. She turned around towards the Marauders and found James holding out his wand with a sly smile on his lips.

Why was he like this to her? As Lily felt tears swell up in her eyes, he blew a kiss to her. What in gods name did she do to deserve this from him? She never did anything against him.

Okay. Maybe she didn't have a lot of friends. But her friends were very loyal to her. Arabella was her best friend. Lily was sure that Arabella had a good reason not to have woke her up this morning and a good reason to be laughing at her right now along with all the other kids.

She looked at the professor that was trying not to laugh with her pursed lips, but Lily could see her cheeks twitch. This was all so embarrassing. Lily then created a veil with her hair, hiding the tears that were now falling freely down her cheeks. No one would ever see her cry! She had to save the bit of dignity left in her.

As the laughter subsided, the professor told her to take a seat.

"And fifteen points shall be deducted from Gryffindor for incompetence due to Miss Evans." She said as Lily sat somewhere in the back.

It was hard for Lily to stay awake during Transfiguration due to her lack of sleep last night. She never really liked Transfiguration. She didn't like school, period. She wasn't a great student and she wasn't a bad one either. She was just smack in the middle, an average student. She was very smart but she never studied. She never felt like it. She rather daydream or do in advance her astrology homework. Sometimes, when the astrology tower wasn't taken by the Marauders who were snogging and shagging girls, she would go out there and stand by the window and watch the constellations. That's what she did last night and now she can't keep her eyes open during class.

"Yes Mister Potter, that is the right answer…again. I award 10 points to Gryffindor!" The Professor said.

It didn't take a genius to realize that James was McGonagall's pet. He excelled in everything: quidditch, school and social standards. No wonder every one liked him. The boy was a genius.

"Now class, hand me in you Transfiguration homework please!" The professor said five minutes before the bell.

Oh snap! Lily forgot hers…

Everyone got up and handed her the homework except for her. McGonagall counted the copies and eventually realizing there was one missing she turned to Lily.

"Miss Evans, hand me your homework please."

"I, uh…I forgot to do it."

She sighed and said: "I'd like to see you at the end of class Miss Evans. I cannot tolerate this any further."

The bell finally rang. The next period was potions. Lily liked potions even though the teacher hated her. As she was picking up all her books to prepare for her next class, she was thinking about what excuse to give to McGonagall for her non-existing homework.

"Yes professor." She said as she reached her teachers desk.

"Lily, what has gotten into you my child? Do you know that you are failing Transfigurations?"

She lowered her head in embarrassment and nodded.

"My child, I think you need to shaken up. You know that you are a very smart girl. Your O.W.L's last year was outstanding! That proves you can do extremely well but your only problem is that you don't seem to want to study. Or maybe you don't understand. In consequence, I think you need a tutor."

Lily looked up at her, not liking at all this idea. "Who is to be the tutor professor?"

"Well, James Potter of course!"

Lily's eyes grew wide…NO! Not him!

"Professor, I don't think this will be necessary." She said smiling nervously.

"Well I think it is. And my decision is FINAL Evans!" she said sensing Lily's discomfort.

McGonagall watched as Lily left her classroom.

"What a silly girl!" She thought. Minerva knew Lily was a very smart girl even though her grades wouldn't back up that fact. She was just plain lazy and McGonagall wouldn't tolerate that from a student like Lily. James Potter was bound to help her. That boy was just so sweet.

If only she knew…

OoooooooooooooO

As Lily was walking through the dungeon after her potions class, all she wanted to do was to take refuge in her bed during lunch break. The potions professor ridiculed her in his class only because she added a rabbit tail to the brew instead of a rabbits nail. Big deal!

As she was walking, she heard people behind her. It was the Marauders.

"Sirius, you are so evil!" She heard Remus say.

Remus was the nicest of the four. He was tall and what he lacked in looks, he gained in spirit. Remus was tall and lanky. He had sandy blond hair and always looked tired. His eyes were a light brown and somewhat sad. The Marauders were always followed by a small chubby lad called Peter. Lily didn't know much about him but she thought he looked somewhat like a rat and he made her feel uncomfortable.

Lily felt the Marauders slide past her and suddenly she was knocked over and her books scattered all over the floor. She sighed as she dropped to her knees to pick them up and gasped as a foot was stomped on her hand. She let out a yelp in a mix of pain and shock but she was used to this treatment from the Marauders already. They had something against her…why? It was embarrassing for Lily to be in this position, on her knees with her hand being stomped on. What happened to all her dignity? She felt herself flush as she looked up in the eyes of James Potter.

He was smirking…as usual.

"Do you mind?" Lily said shyly but trying to look in charge. "You're hurting me."

Just then, James grabbed her by the arm and hauled her up. Lily knew this was a bad sign.

"What's wrong Evans? Why so flushed?" he said trailing a finger down her cheek to prove his point.

She tried to move away from him but he held her in his grip tightly. She shivered in awareness of him being so close to her. She could smell his after shave and it smelled so good. It smelled like the forbidden forest right after a rainstorm. It was musky yet empowering. It brainwashed her senses.

"Let go of me!" She whispered hoarsely.

James didn't seem to budge. He didn't want to.

"James, come on, let's go." Remus said softly.

Lily saw James look at her then at Remus and then in an instant, he let go of her.

"Your right Remus, she's not even worth it."

James and Sirius snickered as they left and she saw Remus mouth a "sorry" to her. Peter just carried along after them.

Her hand was still red and there were prints of the sole of his shoe on her skin. She rubbed it to try and make the pain go away but it didn't. Finally she abandoned her ministrations sighing. As she was making her way to the dinning hall, she saw Arabella in a deep conversation with Alexis: a girl in Lily's dorm room.

"Oh my God, Alexis!" Arabella cried. "You did not!"

"Yes I did!" giggled Alexis. "I was paired off with Sirius and he is just to die for! I knew he wasn't very interested in me so I just slipped off my shoe and started stoking him between the legs to get his attention. And I definitely did! You should have seen his eyes pop! It was hilarious!"

"Hey Lily" Arabella said slipping her arm beneath hers when they were passing next to her.

"Hey!" Lily answered meekly.

"Did you notice how hot Remus is?" Arabella giggled.

"He is so for you Bella!" Alexis said laughing.

Lily didn't really care.

"Why didn't you wake me up this morning?" She asked a bit demanding.

Lily saw Alexis and Arabella glance at each-other and Lily knew something wasn't right. They were stuttering and they were talking over each-other in an attempt to explain.

"Let me help…you forgot to?" Lily asked sarcastically.

"We're really sorry Lily…"Arabella said then launched herself into this big excuse that Lily didn't listen to. She didn't care…

After dinner, Lily attended her classes then went into her room to read her favorite astrology book. She read a couple pages the drifted into a deep sleep.

**Oo Lily's dream oO**

"Oh my god! Daddy, you would never guess. I just received a letter! Try and guess who it's from?" Lily said jumping up and down laughing.

Her dad chuckled. The last time he saw Lily this happy was when she first received her letter from Hogwarts when she was 11.

"I don't know Lily. What is it dear?" Lily's dad, Charlie asked enthusiastically.

"Try and guess!" Lily giggled.

"I suppose it's from Hogwarts…"

"Daddy, I'm a prefect!" Lily cut in happily

"That's wonderful sweetie!"

"I know!" She said and hugged him tightly.

"What's going on in here?" Lily's mother, Rose asked laughing also.

"Our Lily dear is a prefect!" Charlie answered.

"Good for you Lily!" Rose encouraged. "You've wanted to be a prefect since your first year at Hogwarts. That's great!"

Then suddenly, in a flash, the scenery changed. Everything became dark and the lights suddenly went out. There was a blinding flash of green light and a heavy thud on the floor. Lily sensed something was wrong, she sensed someone in the room with her.

Lily made a blinding grab for her parents only to come in contact with air.

"Mom, Dad?"

There was a sickening silence. Lily felt her heart thud in her chest as pure fear consumed her entire being.

"Mom? Dad?" Lily was yelling.

Then she saw a dark aura slide around her and she shivered. The room was suddenly very cold and she could now see her breath coming in pants. Eyes, horrible red hollow eyes were staring straight at her. Then, the lights turned back on and Lily screamed of all her might.

There, lying in front of her were the corpses of her parents eyes wide open but empty. They were dead.

**Oo end of dream oO**

"Nooo!" Lily was screaming. "No" she whispered brokenly and started crying. That was no dream she just had. That was the summer of her fourth year when her parents died. It was the summer that changed her life forever. So many things had happened since that year. She had gotten her badge confiscated because she was failing her year and never attended her meetings. She stopped studying. She stopped laughing and smiling. If her parents saw her now, they would be heartbroken. Good thing they're dead. She became everything she would have hated to become. Everything she had worked so hard for got sucked in the drain. What a waste!

Lily looked around and saw that the curtains of her bed were closed. She opened them only to find her roommates sleeping soundly in their beds. It was already 10 o'clock. Knowing she wouldn't be sleeping anytime soon, she left the Gryffindor tower and started walking towards the Astronomy tower.

She walked the halls alone as she does every other night but this time she wasn't alone.

"Well if it isn't Evans!" James Potter sneered at her.

Lily turned around and her breath caught in her throat as she was looking into the palest most mesmerizing blue eyes.

"What are you doing out this late?" He asked

She didn't answer immediately and just looked up at him. He was about 6'2 towering over her 5'3.

"Answer me Evans."

"I, uh…I was going to the Astronomy tower."

"What do you plan to do there?"

What was she supposed to answer? To gaze at the stars? That would sound so corny and she didn't want to look corny in front of the toughest person she has ever met. She looked down at her shoes.

"Evans!" he growled

"I don't know…" She answered stupidly and almost bit off her tongue for that dumb reply.

James laughed and she knew he was laughing at her. She looked down again but this time angrily. Why was he always making fun of her? It wasn't fair.

She then felt him tip her chin up with his finger and she was lost in his eyes once more. He smirked then.

"Come here Evans." He ordered.

She saw that mischievous glint in his eyes and knew what he wanted. No! She turned around to leave but he just grabbed her wrist. As she struggled against him she realized how strong he was and that she couldn't escape him. He grabbed both her arms and pinned her against the wall with him up against her.

She continued to struggle against his toned chest but now that they were pressed close together, it was as if she was rubbing against him. He groaned and she stilled.

"Continue to struggle, I don't care but you and I both know that I'm stronger." He said smirking.

She whimpered and a lump was in her throat. Why was he torturing her like this? Her heart was thudding in her chest in a mix of anticipation and fear. She knew what would happen next but, did she want it? That was the question. She was very confused at this point. She wanted him, but she didn't want it to happen this way.

As he lowered his head, she knew his intent and turned her face away from his by fear. He raised his eyebrows at her and dipped his head down once more and she still turned away from him. Her arms were still pinned down by his hands as she tried to wriggle them free. He then took both of her wrists and pinned them above her head with one large hand. She whimpered again but stopped struggling against him. It was no use. What will happen, will happen and she had no way of stopping it anyway, so why bother wasting her energy? With his free hand, he took hold of her chin so she couldn't escape him when he lowered his head this time.

The moment their lips touched, she knew this wasn't going to be soft. James ravaged her mouth savagely. He was suckling and biting her lips fiercely. She shivered unwillingly and abandoned herself in his kiss. She realized that his kiss was all so demanding. His hot tongue then traced her lips demanding an entrance that she gave him. She felt him smirk against her mouth as he sought after her tongue. Lily knew why girls were all craving for James Potter. He was such a good kisser! The power of his kiss made her toes curl in her school girl shoes. After a moment, the hand that was holding her chin in place let go and went under her skirt instead. She yelped and broke the kiss as he kneaded her ass.

"You know, you have a great ass." James whispered in her ear hotly while he was stroking her.

As good as that felt, she knew he was taking advantage of her and she told him to stop. But he didn't.

"Stop it!" she pleaded hoarsely.

"Why?" He asked against her neck making her shiver in awareness.

"Please!"

He let go of her and pushed her away from him. She stumbled and fell on the floor confused by his violence.

Then, just like that, Sirius appeared out of the darkness and patted James on the back.

"Nice job Prongs! I never thought you had it in you." He said grinning.

"Of course I did!" James answered him smirking slightly but with his eyes still locked on Lily. He almost felt bad for her. She looked so lost and disoriented sitting there looking up at him with confused eyes. Oh well…

"Here you go Prongs." Sirius said and handed James some money.

James took the money and put it in his pocket.

Lily felt like puking. She was some sort of game for the Marauders, a bet! Oh, the humiliation she felt at that moment was unbearable. She felt like sinking into the floor and disappearing. Not only was someone watching them the whole time, but James knew Sirius was there and he played her in front of him like some sick toy. She lowered her head in embarrassment and wrapped her arms around herself as if she was trying to protect her damaged soul.

Sirius left and told James he would meet him later since James was patrolling during the night and couldn't go to bed immediately.

After Sirius had left, James knelt in front of Lily and tipped her chin up. Once he saw the pain and detachment in her eyes, he felt a bit guilty.

"I'm not sorry for what just happened but…" James said giving her a peck on the lips "You have a great ass"

He then deposit the money Sirius just gave him on her lap and left whistling a popular song.

Lily stayed there for a while touching her swollen lips. She felt tears run down her cheeks. That was not how she had imagined her first kiss.


	2. Chapter 2

**(A.N)Thanks to all my reviewers. It's really nice to have people review my story AGAIN. Lol. I really appreciate it. Im making a few corrections to the chapters while im at it so it will be even better for you guys. I would never want to disappoint you. But I must say that I am looking for a certain number of reviews before I post again. Ok then, on with the second chapter!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own the characters. Jk Rowling does. However, I own the plot :)**

Chapter 2

Sometimes, Lily thought it best to just shrug off what was happening to her and cut it all out. If she faced it, she would probably be at St-Mungo's by now. She forced to think about all the other things outside of Hogwarts. Only one more year to go and she's out of here, no more James and the hurtful things he does to her, no more late-handed homework, no more repulsive glances her way. She would be free. She sighed and turned over in her bed. The only question now was what she would do in her life. With the marks she has now, she probably won't go anywhere. But when she thought about it, she really wanted to become an auror and avenge her parents. For that she needed good marks. Not only good marks but top of her class marks.

Hmm…James wanted to be an auror didn't he? Considering his outstanding grades, he would probably be the best auror in the Wizarding world.

Lily then touched her lips absent-mindedly. James Potter…even evoking his name in her mind gave her Goosebumps. How pathetic was that? The guy hated her guts and here she was thinking about him, shivering and trembling. But why was she so agitated? Was it of fear, shame or simply attraction? She thought it was all those combined. When she thinks about what happened the other night, she feels humiliation and despair. But not because of the reasons you'd think. She feels humiliated that even though he's doing all this to her, she still wants more of his kisses, his scent his embrace. She feels like just another one in the crowd who likes James Potter and who fell for his undeniable charm. She was like all the other girls…an idiot. But James didn't hate all the other girls; he hated HER, which made this dilemma she was in even worse. She didn't like feeling attracted to him, she really didn't. If there was a potion or a concoction that would get him out of her system, she'd be guzzling the stuff down. But unfortunately, there wasn't a cure. She was doomed to be like this at least until Hogwarts was over. And James Potter being her first kiss didn't help much.

And what was McGonagall's problem? Telling her that her tutor is James Potter isn't supposed to help her. How is she supposed to listen to what he's teaching her if she can't even look at him without thinking about what he did to her that night?

She sighed and went to her window. She needed to lose herself in the constellations in the sky or else she'd be moping about how horrible her life is. After a while of searching and staring, Lily fell asleep on the windowsill. She hoped that she wouldn't wake up late the next morning or else she'd really be screwed.

OooooOoooooooOO

James Potter lay awake in his bed with a blonde girl sprawled against his muscular frame. This was becoming too easy for him. Girls all fell for his charm no matter what. He knew they thought him to be a "bad boy" and frankly he thought the title to be overrated. Why would he be the "bad boy"? It wasn't his fault girls were swooning at his feet dying for his undivided attention. They were the ones that brought it upon themselves. His fuck em' and dump em' title was exaggerated also. He knew that deep down inside, the girls that all dated him were all after his amazing sex. Why else would they want him? He wasn't the nicest guy alive. So technically, **they** were using **him**! He knew that he was doing them a favor by dumping them because then, if they continued dating, he would be living a lie and her as well.

He also knew that he was never really interested in a girl because of her personality; he was interested because of the good sex she would bring him. So basically, they both wanted the same thing and when that need was fulfilled, there was no further reason why to keep dating.

He looked at Karen, the girl next to him. She was sleeping peacefully on his chest. She was beautiful. Too bad he would have to dump her in the morning. She was a virgin…well, ex-virgin he thought slyly looking down on her pale flesh. They always took it harder when they got dumped than the non-virgins because their first time was supposed to be with someone special and they thought he would change his habits for an innocent girl like them. That's where they were wrong.

Girls never had power over him; it was always the other way around. They were dumb and stupid to think that way. Did they actually think that James Potter could be handled? He smirked. He would like to see the day when that happened.

But James wouldn't be able to survive if Sirius wasn't there for him backing him up. He was the only one that understood what was going on in James Potter's head. Without him, James wouldn't know what to do. Sirius was his best mate since the tender age of 2. Their parents were friends and allies so naturally; they grew up together and became best friends. Remus was also James best mate but James had to admit that Remus didn't know him as well as Sirius. But that didn't mean that Remus wasn't a great friend to him. Hell, if he wasn't, James wouldn't have gone through all that trouble in order to become an Animagus. Peter also was a really good friend to him. Even though he admitted to himself that Peter was a bit strange, it wouldn't be "The Marauders" without him. After all, every group needed its weakness and Peter was exactly that.

James Potter looked at his watch, it was 5 a.m. He would be waking up in about two hours so he'd need his rest before the practice for the big Quidditch match against Slytherin this Saturday. After all, he was the captain of his team and they wouldn't be able to win without him. He felt Karen stir next to him and then she as awake.

"Hey Tiger..." She said looking up into his pale blue eyes.

He didn't answer her. He was trying to sleep for God's sake. Couldn't she shut up?

She reached a hand underneath the covers in an attempt to excite him but he took her hand away from his body and turned so his back faced her. She groaned in disappointment.

"What's wrong baby?" she asked him.

"Don't call me that!" He snapped at her. Baby was about the corniest name someone could call their partner.

Only real couples called themselves "baby" and he and Karen weren't a couple. Well not anymore anyway.

"But James…"

He didn't answer but then he felt her go under the covers. Now this was more like it, he thought smirking.

OoOOOOOOOOOOOoo

Lily sat at the Gryffindor table alone. She woke up early and had nothing else to do. It was only 6h30 but Lily Evans didn't care much as she was chewing on a piece of bacon that was conjured on the plate in front of her.

Bacon's fattening she thought looking down at her stomach. It was as flat as the table and some of her ribs were sticking out. Maybe she should gain some weight. All her friends told her that she needed to gain a few pounds. Why did she _need_ to? Was it because she was ugly the way she was? She sighed and looked down at her plate.

Why was she asking herself these meaningless questions? What she should be thinking about was that huge test she had in potions, second period. But in order to have a good grade, she was supposed to study and she didn't feel like it. She should have studied, she really should have she thought as she opened her Shakespeare novel.

All around her, people were actually starting to enter the dinning hall but she didn't much realize, she was too caught up in the book to even gaze up. She was engrossed in one of the lines… "To be or not to be, that is the question …"

Was Lily something? Was she someone to at least anyone? What was her purpose here?

But her thoughts were interrupted as Arabella sat in front of her with Alex. It seemed those two were inseparable now. Maybe Arabella found herself a new best friend…

"Hey Lily."

"Oh my gosh! Lily you're actually up!" Arabella squealed.

Since when did her friend squeal? Lily asked herself. Since when did her friend start sounding like a rat? Lily didn't remember. Maybe it was because Lily didn't know much of Arabella anymore, but she was still trying to deny that fact. Arabella was her friend for almost six years even though in the last two years, they haven't really been together much. Arabella was just there. As she looked at Arabella, Lily realized that she was kidding herself. She knew nothing about the girl in front of her and Arabella knew nothing about her. Lily looked down on her plate ashamed. Arabella and Alex were sharing inside jokes and laughing but Lily wasn't laughing at all. Lily felt rejected for the thousandth time in her life. She hated that feeling.

"Hi Lily" She heard Sirius say in back of her.

Suddenly, like that she started reddening as she recalled what happened the last time she saw him. How was she supposed to look at him in the eye now if he reminded her of something she was longing to forget?

"Hi." She mumbled under her breath.

Alex was now looking at her weirdly. She had the biggest crush on Sirius and he hadn't said hi to her. He said hi to Lily and that was making her furious with envy.

How could Sirius like that bitch? Alex thought. And why wasn't he saying hi to HER? Once Alex saw Lily blushing, she assumed something. Something completely false. She thought Lily liked Sirius when in truth, Lily couldn't care less.

"So Lily, what did you do with the money?" Sirius asked her grinning.

Lily looked up at him appalled. How dare he bring up what happened the other night in front of her friends.

"Leave me alone." She said.

Sirius laughed then left to join James that had just entered the hall followed by Karen who had obviously cried a lot. That was a sign that James Potter had dumped the poor girl. Lily saw all Karen's friends rush to her and tell her that James wasn't even worth it, but Lily saw Karen's friend wink at James. How pathetic. Lily rather not have any friends than have friends that are as bitchy as that.

The rest of Lily's meal was eaten in silence.

"Are you guys ready to go?" Lily asked once her meal was finished.

They both looked t each-other.

"No, we'll meet you there, ok?" Arabella reasoned.

Lily nodded and left to go towards her first class.

Once she was gone, Alex looked furious.

"What is her problem?" She almost yelled.

"What do you mean?"

"She's a prostitute Arabella. Don't you get it?"

"No…" Arabella looked confused.

"I mean, Sirius just asked her what she did with the money and do you ever wonder why Lily always comes in late every night? She's out there fucking guys!"

Arabella didn't know what to think of that. Alex had a point but then again Arabella didn't think that Lily would be capable of such a thing. But then again, she barely knew Lily anymore.

"That girl is seriously fucked up." Alex squealed.

Arabella nodded in agreement.

OoooooooooooooO

Lily sat at her usual place in potions and Remus decided to sit next to her this time.

"Hi." He said smiling weakly.

Lily looked at him. He looked so tired and weak. What was wrong with him?

"Hi."

"Do you mind if I sit next to you in class?" He asked.

She was stunned. Why would one of the Marauder's sit next to her? Didn't they all hate her? Maybe this was one of their silly pranks made to embarrass her once again. But when she looked into Remus' eyes, she saw nothing but sincerity. At the moment, she didn't think him capable of hurting her in the way that James or Sirius hurt her.

"Sure," she answered smiling sadly back at him. "Why not?"

He gave her a warm smile then that made her feel as if he was going to be one of her really good friends.

The professor entered the class a couple minutes later equipped with parchments that Lily recognized to be the homework she handed in last week. Her heart was pumping in her chest; she had to have a good mark or she would fail her term. She didn't think she would be able to take any other failures in her life.

"Alright class, silence!" He asked sharply.

The class fell silent except for a couple Gryffondors who were snickering.

"I said SILENCE!" he almost yelled.

The Gryffondors jumped and silenced.

The teacher smiled to himself as he started handing back the homework.

"I must say that the class average was very low. You didn't understand the true concept of the essay."

He was looking straight at Lily. At that moment she knew that she had failed miserably. She was finished, doomed. She was going to get out of the best wizarding school with the worst marks of her grade. Why was she put in Gryffondor if she had no honor? It had vaporized a long time ago. A very long time ago…

Lily saw James smile as he got his grade back. He probably got an A+ or something. As the teacher pronounced her name she got up and went to retrieve her homework assuming the worst. She got her paper and rushed to her seat without even looking at her mark. She didn't want to know. She just didn't want to feel discouraged again. She saw the teacher raise an eyebrow at her and she looked down to avoid his gaze.

"How much did you get?" Remus asked her as she installed herself next to him.

"I don't know," she answered dismissing him. "I didn't look at it."

Remus looked at her weirdly.

"Why not?"

"I probably failed and I don't want to know how bad it was."

"If it makes you feel any better, I got a C."

Lily managed a weak smile. Actually, it made her feel even worse but she wouldn't tell Remus that. If she had gotten a C she would have jumped of joy. He seemed to think C was a very bad grade.

The rest of the first period was a blur to Lily. She almost fell asleep again. She never knew why she was this tired all the time.

During the break in between periods, James caught up with Remus at Lily's desk and he looked down on her with his nostrils flared, as if he smelled something bad under his nose. Lily was sure that "smell" was her.

"Remus, what are you doing with Evans?"

"She's my partner for potions this term."

"Evan's your partner?" He said and started laughing.

Lily looked at Remus weirdly. He didn't even ask her to be his partner. What was he playing at? Did he really want to be her partner?

Remus rolled his eyes at James.

"James, I don't think that's your problem. I'm the one who decided to be with her."

Lily caught a glint in James eye. That was an anger sign with James. She didn't want James and Remus to be mad at each-other for something as unimportant as her. James would hate her even more.

"Actually Remus…" She started but James cut her.

"Who asked you to talk Evans?" He snapped.

She started blushing furiously and looked down at her shoes.

"Hello? I'm talking to you."

She looked away from him and answered weakly:

"No one. No one asked me to talk."

James snorted at this.

"Are you sure you want to be with this shit." He said pointing to her.

"James, leave her alone already." He asked his best friend.

Remus has never seen James like this before. He looked, well betrayed. Remus regretted now to have defended Lily. She couldn't even defend herself. He really pitied her. No one was there for her and she looked so demolished. For some unknown reason, Remus wanted to know why she was like that. What made her become this way? In her first years at Hogwarts, she was a cheery girl and had the top marks of her class. She was sociable and Remus even had a crush on her…But now, Lily seemed to have lost so much. Her eyes were always empty, devoid of all emotion. When you did see something in her eyes, it would be sadness or regret. Remus could barely even imagine Lily the way she used to be.

Sitting there with her hair covering her eyes and James laughing at her, he couldn't believe it. Back then, if James would have insulted her, she would just shrug it off and answer something witty and comical. But now, Remus was looking at her and she even seemed to agree with him. She had nothing to say or answer against him.

What in the hell had happened to Lily Evans? He was determined to find out.

Remus got up.

"James, that's enough please!" he said holding out his hands.

James laughed some more, then shrugged and left towards Sirius who was looking at the scene with a smirk hanging from his lips.

Remus put his hand on Lily shoulders and he felt them shake. She was crying. Remus sighed and let her go. He knew that Lily wouldn't have liked it if he would have tried to consol her so he let her be.

After a while, Lily grabbed her bags and headed towards the door. She couldn't take this any longer. She left towards her room.

What she didn't know was that a paper had slipped through her bag and fell onto the floor. Remus hurried to pick it up…it was her potions essay. She had an A+.

OoooooooooooooO

James hurried down the hall after her. The fucking professor had asked him to go fetch her. Why didn't he ask someone else? Someone who actually cared? But, oops, he forgot, no one cared about Lily Evans.

He swore as he finally found her rounding a hall and going up the moving staircases. He had a nice view of her ass in her underwear. It was hot as hell.

He caught up with her as she was running towards her dorm and grabbed her elbow.

Her felt her jump of surprise and smirked inwardly. What a pathetic girl!

As Lily turned, she saw James peering down at her. Why had he come after her? Did he care what happened to her?

"Don't make yourself any ideas Evans. The professor sent me."

"Oh."

"You're coming with me. We're going back to class."

Lily looked up at him and shook her head.

"I don't want to go back."

He sighed loudly.

"Stop being a baby and follow me," he said shoving her in front of him. "I don't have time for this shit Evans."

Lily moaned in pain as she felt a strong pressure on her arm. He was holding her very tightly. She was sure that he would leave her a bruise. Why was he so abusive with her? He wasn't like that with the other girls.

"Ouch, you're hurting me."

"Tough luck! If you wouldn't have left the potions class, I wouldn't be here with you and I wouldn't be hurting you right now. So _move_!" he said almost yelling his last word.

Lily looked at his face and obeyed. He looked ready to kill her right now and she didn't want to die. She started walking in front of him aware of his eyes following her every movement. James scared her to no end but at the same time, he intrigued her so much. She was trembling now. Was it of fear? She didn't think so. Maybe it was of awareness of him so close to her, watching her.

She frowned as she was standing in front of the potions classroom door. She really didn't feel like being the center of attention right now. She didn't want eyes turning towards her asking questions. But with James in back of her, she had no choice. As she was standing in front of the door, she was thinking about everyone's reaction when she'd enter the class again. She was supposed to make a swift getaway but it ended up as a pathetic attempt to flee a class. The teacher must really hate her now. First off, she was failing his class and she wanted to ditch them too.

Her heart was pounding and her hand was trembling as she reached for the door handle. Her hand froze on it. She couldn't move it.

She heard James sigh in back of her.

"Why were you put in Gryffondor Evans?"

She didn't answer.

"Why is it that you can never answer my questions?"

She looked down at herself ashamed. She couldn't do anything right. He was right. She didn't belong in Hufflepuff: she didn't have any friends. She didn't belong in Ravenclaw, she was too dumb. She didn't belong in Slytherin because she never pursued her goals. And she didn't belong in Gryffondor either, she was a coward. Plain and simple.

She felt the tears well up in her eyes. That was the second time today. She truly was fucked up. But only James made her feel this way. Only he was prone to making her cry. He was the one that made her realize that she belonged no where. She was a reject.

"What do you want from me?" she asked her voice shaking.

James saw her shoulders shaking and he knew she was crying. That girl always cried. He had to teach her a lesson. He admired the fact that she tried to keep her voice in check while she was talking to him because he knew that she felt all her insides rip with emotion.

"What can I possibly want from you? You don't have anything."

Ouch, that had to hurt, James thought smirking.

It definitely did. Lily felt like if her heart had just been ripped out and cut into pieces in front of her eyes. She had a huge lump in her throat and could barely breathe. It hurt so much!

She let go of the handle of the door and turned around to run away from him. As he watched her run down the hall, he smirked and entered the classroom.

Everyone was watching him.

"So," the teacher started "Any luck?"

James smiled to himself and pretended to be truly sorry of the fact that he hadn't found Lily.

"No sir," James said "I looked everywhere but I couldn't find her. Maybe she's at the medical wing."

The teacher nodded.

"Thank you James."

"It was my pleasure." He said while a slow and easy smile was playing over his lips.


	3. Chapter 3

**I am so sorry that I didn't update any sooner. My pc was screwed up again, but don't worry, I got it fixed now so I can update a lot faster. I'd like to thank everyone who has reviewed my story for the second time. For all those who have already read this chapter, I am telling you that I'm gonna update a lot faster from now on and in about two weeks, chapter 5 will be posted. Thanks to all my reviewers again. Special thanks to Bibis, Tina and Marie who's on her Eurotrip right now. But I am telling you I want to get at least 40 reviews for this chapter before I post 4 up. **

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Harry Potter books, J.K. Rowling does. I also don't own any of the characters except maybe Alex.**

Chapter 3

James was sitting on his windowsill smoking a cigarette. He didn't know exactly when he had started the nasty habit, maybe he was thirteen or so. Back then, he thought it was cool, now he just found it rather dumb. He had to spend money on shit that would end up killing him. Ironic, he thought examining the illuminated tip of the cigarette.

He looked up at the stars. Constellations…he'll never get the meaning of those kinds of things. Why were they there? After he had finished his cigarette, he dropped it down the open widow and lied on his bed. Suddenly, he was curious, where was Lily Evans? Where had she gone during that potions class?

He took out his Marauders Map.

"I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good." James said robotically.

It was the stupid code that Sirius, Remus and Peter had invented in order to see the Marauders map.

He looked over the Marauders map but curiously, she was at the library. He checked his watch; it was almost twelve p.m. The library was closed at that hour. He sighed as he got up and threw his invisibility cloak over him but leaving his head visible. Why was it that he was so curious?

He opened discretely the door of his room so he wouldn't wake anyone up, but Sirius opened his eyes anyway.

"Hey man, where are you going? It's nearly midnight you ass."

James laughed.

"I'm just going out for a walk."

"Are you fucking mad? We have a quidditch game tomorrow and the team needs you at 100 James. No fucking around tonight man."

"Don't worry, we'll beat that Slytherin ass anyway…trust me. It won't take long. I'll be back in about half an hour."

"You better James!" Sirius said lying back down on his bed.

"Yes mommy."

Sirius laughed and chucked the pillow at James but this one was already gone.

ooOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoo

Taking the map out, James analyzed the library. Lily was supposed to be standing right in front of him but no one was there. How weird…Could it be that she had an invisibility cloak also? No, it couldn't be possible. He was the only one who had an invisibility cloak at Hogwarts. If she had one, he would have known.

He thrust his hand out and surely enough, he came in contact with something and then he heard an audible gasp. Yes, it was Lily Evans, and she had an invisibility cloak. He grabbed the material and yanked it off.

He saw Lily Evans widen her eyes in horror and she opened her mouth to scream.

Lily was in total shock; someone had just grabbed her cloak and tore it off her. She was being attacked and her corpse would be found in the library. She turned around to see who her offender was but she couldn't see anyone. In her panic, she was about to scream but she felt a firm hand on her mouth. Her pulse quickened and she was breathing heavily. She inhaled the scent of him. Why did this smell so familiar?

"Shut up or you'll get us both caught."

Lily felt her face drain of all color as she recognized the voice but she wanted to be sure of who it was, so she reached a trembling hand behind herself and yanked the invisible material off. She pulled away from him and gazed up in his pale eyes.

James Potter was standing in front of her. In the darkness of the library, his chiseled features were hardened and his broad grin seemed dangerous. She gulped at the beauty of James Potter.

"What are you doing here?" He asked her menacing.

"What are _you_ doing here?" she counted.

He shook his head.

"Don't answer a question with a question Evans, it's rude."

"No, you're rude." She mumbled under her breath.

"What was that?" he said raising an eyebrow at her.

"Nothing."

"I heard something Evans, say it in my face."

She shook her head. All she wanted him to do at the moment was take her in his arms and tell her comforting things in her ear. She looked at his muscular biceps and wondered how it would feel being enveloped by such a muscular frame. It must feel wonderful. Lily would do anything at the moment to feel that.

For a couple of minutes, they just stared at each-other. Lily looked at James tenderly while he looked at her with disdain.

"Say it, Evans."

She locked eyes with him.

"Why do you call me Evans? My name is Lily…"

"It reminds me of who you really are."

How could he say that? He hardly knew her at all. She looked down at the ground flustered. She felt him move behind her and then, she felt his hot breath in her ear which made her shiver in awareness.

"Yeah, that's it Lily. Look down when you can't face what you can't handle."

Then his hands were on her shoulders, and then they traveled down her arms, bringing on fire everything he touched. When his hands were back on her shoulders, he took the hair away from her face and gently kissed her temple. His lips lingered there for a while and Lily's legs wobbled. She could hardly stand up and her heart was beating faster with each passing second of this sweet torture.

"Do you like that Lily?" He whispered in her ear.

She opened her mouth to speak but nothing was coming out. Her name came out like honey dripping from his lips. She wanted to hear him say it again and again and again.

"Hmm?" he coerced then bit her earlobe sending shivers down her spine and making her toes curl in excitement.

She nodded.

'How much do you like it?" James asked then enveloped his arms around her waist.

She felt safe and secure in his hold. Like if nothing could happen to her. For a minute, she forgot James, the asshole, and concentrated her thoughts on the other James, the guy giving her this pleasure. Unconsciously, she moaned.

Then in an instant, he let go of her and started laughing. But it was a cruel laugh, cold and distant.

Lily shook her head…oh no. Not again! He did this to her once before and she fell for it yet again. She was truly the most stupid and idiotic loser she has ever seen. She closed her eyes trying to imagine being somewhere else where his laughter didn't ring in her ears. But it was useless.

Then instead of telling her how pathetic she was, he just walked away which was even worse. She felt as if she wasn't important enough for him to at least explain why he was doing this to her. She felt pathetic. Oh god, how she felt stupid at this moment! She wanted to burry a hole in the ground and hide there forever. But unfortunately, she was at Hogwarts and that wouldn't and couldn't happen.

When she arrived at her dorm later that night, she seriously thought about not waking up the next morning but then she changed her mind. Besides, if she didn't wake up, she'd be doing Petunia a favor and why would she want that?

ooOOOOOOOOOOOOoo

It was three a.m. Later on, everyone in the Gryffindor tower would be excited. It would be Slytherin against Gryffondor and all the Gryffondors would be ready to cheer their team and hopefully, they would win. Lily on the other hand didn't care for the match. She didn't want to see James Potter and his cheerleaders the next day. She didn't want to see the Gryffondor tower uniting with her excluded as she must always feel at a match.

She pulled the covers back onto herself and tried to fall back asleep but it was no use. She kept thinking of how James Potter kept playing her. Why was he doing this to her? What did he have against her?

She sighed and sat up in her bed.

There was no use going back to bed now that she was fully awake. She decided on taking her shower instead. As she was undressing, she looked at herself in the mirror and sighed. She had broad shoulders, a too thin waist, her legs were way too skinny and her eyes were too big for her head. And it didn't help much that she had humongous bags under them. Her face was really pale and her hair was fiery red.

She looked away from the mirror, disgusted with herself. She entered the steaming shower, sat on the smooth floor and huddled up in a ball until the water turned cold.

She was shivering now but she refused to get out of the shower. She just wanted to stay there. She didn't want to get out and have to face the outside world. She just wanted to be alone.

"Hey Lily! Get out of there now. I have to pee!" Alex almost yelled.

"Okay." Lily answered, her teeth clattering of cold.

She stopped the water from flowing and then she got out of the shower to dry off. She was so cold. Once she was in her pajamas, warmth enveloped her and she opened the door cautiously, so she wouldn't wake up her fellow roommates.

"I'm sorry it took so long." Lily whispered to Alex.

Alex then gave Lily the dirtiest look that Lily has ever seen and plastered on a fake smile.

"No problem Lily. I bet getting all that…'dirt' off you takes pretty long."

Lily was confused.

"What?"

But Alex just turned away and slammed the door in Lily's face. Her roommates then woke up.

"What the hell Lily, can't you be more careful? We were sleeping!" Arabella yelled in frustration.

"Sorry."

"God! Sometimes you can really get on my nerves!" She continued.

Lily hung her head low and entered her bed. She closed the curtains so she wouldn't have to see Arabella's angry face yelling at her. It was so hard to believe that once, a few years ago, if that same scene would have happened, Arabella would have laughed and opened up her arms so Lily can join her in her bed. Now, Arabella was chasing her away.

If only Lily could turn back time, she would change everything. Her parents wouldn't have died and Arabella would have been her best friend and maybe, just maybe, James Potter would have respected her. But that could never happen.

Lily put her head in her pillow and pretended not hearing Arabella talking shit about her to the other girls. She pretended being 8 years old and in her room. She pretended that any minute now her mom would come in her room and sing her a lullaby before she went to sleep. She pretended that her dad would come up the stairs and tell her a story. He would tell her any story: Robin Hood, Sleeping Beauty, Snow white or her personal favorite, Peter Pan. He would start by saying "Once upon a time" and then end it with a "happily ever after". Then she would say: "No daddy, please. Tell me another one." He would laugh then, and promise her another one the next day. She would sulk and beg but he would laugh and kiss her on the cheek.

The image of it was so strong that she could smell the scent of his cologne and feel his lips on her cheek. It was so strong that she even lifted her arms to put them around her dad. But she came in contact with the air. She opened her eyes and found herself staring at the ceiling of her room in the Gryffondor tower in Hogwarts. It was 4h30 a.m.

She started crying, knowing that she will never hear her mom sing her a lullaby anymore or her dad telling her a story. She will never scent her dad's cologne anymore or feel his strong arms around her or feel his lips on her cheek kissing her. And she missed it all so much. She felt a huge lump in her throat that was cutting off her breathing.

She placed the pillow on her head and screamed. She screamed of pain and sadness. This was all her fault. If she wasn't a witch, maybe her parents wouldn't have died and maybe she wouldn't be such a reject. Petunia was right; everything was always her entire fault. She didn't deserve to be in such a great school. She couldn't even hit the grades she hit before her parents death. They would be so disappointed.

Her pillow was now soaking wet with her tears. Every night was the same thing. She'd always cry herself to sleep. It had to stop! She was such a baby. Plenty of girls lose their parents and end up fine. Why was she so fucked up?

"Maybe it's because you don't have any friends." A voice in the back of her mind spoke.

It was true. Lily didn't have any real friends to support her. Arabella didn't even know that her parents had died two years ago. No one knew except herself and Petunia. Petunia wanted so desperately to keep the secret that her parents were killed by wizards. It would ruin her reputation.

Lily sighed and turned over. The pain she felt at the moment was ripping her insides. She was so weak. Lily opened the curtains of her room and went to the window. It was already almost five a.m and she hadn't slept the whole night. Lily sat next to the window of her room and stared at the rising sun. The sun that her parents would never see again…

OoOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoo

"Yo James, wake up man! The match is in half an hour and we need you to motivate the team."

James groaned.

"Motivate them on your own." James said turning away from Sirius.

"James, come on!"

"Mmm…"

"You leave me no choice Prongs." Sirius said as he grabbed James cover and threw it on the floor.

James hated it when we did that to him.

"Fucking shit Sirius. I'm up already…"

"You better be! I'm tired of always having to wake you up like this in the morning. Especially when our match is starting in, let's see, TWENTY MINUTES!"

James was up in an instant.

"_Fuck, fuck, fuck_. Couldn't you tell me earlier?"

"I did!"

"I'm just joking Padfoot," James said laughing. "Chill out man. We're going to kick that Slytherin ass. They're worth nothing."

"You better be right James."

"Yeah, I know I am."

"If we lose, it would kill your ego and I'm not sure that would be such a bad thing." Sirius joked.

"Shut up!" James said throwing a pillow at him.

This is what James loved about Sirius. In a moment of crisis, Sirius always knew how to laugh and joke around.

Once they were all dressed up for the match they headed to the fields where plenty of spectators were awaiting the game with much impatience. James gathered around his team to say a few words of wisdom. They were all looking up at him with respect. Everyone respected James. He was such a great leader.

"Okay team. This is the first match of the season and we're playing Slytherin so let's kick their scrawny asses."

The team laughed but James could see that they were nervous.

"Let's just use all the tactics that we practiced together and we will do fine. You can trust me on this."

The team nodded and looked at him in admiration. James really had no fears. He was so calm about the whole thing when they were all shaking of nervousness.

"I saw those Slytherin practice and they are no good compared to us. We have a cup to defend so everyone just do your best and I will see you in the Gryffondor common room to celebrate our victory."

James opened the locker room door and walked out onto the field where the Slytherins were awaiting for them. James smirked at Malfoy. He sensed that victory would be sweet today.

OoOOOOOOOOOOOOOoo.

Lily entered the Gryffondor common room after her Astronomy tower escapade. She thought to find a calm room but she was so wrong. People were dancing and drinking to the rhythm of the music. They were really smart, they sound-proofed the walls so no one could hear but them.

"I guess Gryffondor won." She thought smiling.

There in the center of the room, James was dancing with Andrea, the brain of Gryffondor. She looked dazzling tonight with her mini-skirt, short tank-top and long curly black hair. Her eyes were blue and sparkling when she danced with James. Too bad she was going to get her heart crushed after also.

When James saw her, he smirked and blew a kiss to her. She blushed and turned away from his gaze but she couldn't help but stare back at him.

He was now kissing Andrea's neck while staring at her. Lily could see Andrea breathing heavily now. He started biting Andrea's ear while keeping eye contact with Lily.

Lily could feel her heart thump but couldn't bring herself to rip her eyes away from the couple. James hands were now under Andrea's shirt, on her stomach and Lily's hands started shaking. Lily didn't know why she was so disturbed at the moment.

Andrea looked back at James and they started kissing passionately all the while James hands were wandering all over the small girl's frame.

"Hey watch it!" A girl yelled at Lily while bumping into her.

Lily fell to the floor and slowly got herself back up. She was walking towards the staircase to her room but a hand grabbed her. For a slight moment, she thought it was James and her stomach did a flip-flop. She was a bit disappointed when she was staring back at Alex.

"Hey Lily." Alex squeaked while holding her arm.

Lily could smell the alcohol in Alex's breath and knew that the girl was drunk.

"Where did you come from?" Alex asked tightening her grip on Lily.

Lily stared back at Alex in shock.

"I'm sorry Alex, but that's really none of your business." She answered in a small voice.

"Really?" Alex said and started laughing hysterically.

It was a cruel laugh that chilled her blood and bones. Lily knew that something wasn't right. Alex lifted herself up onto the table.

"Hey everyone…listen up!" Alexis yelled out.

The music stopped and all the color drained from Lily's face. What was Alex doing?

"Alex…what?"

"Our dear friend Lily has been out every night for the past few days. Does anyone know where she goes every night? Because I'm dying to know."

"Who the fuck is Lily?" Someone yelled out.

Alex laughed and pointed Lily with the finger. "Carrot head right here."

Lily blushed beat red. She hated it when people called her 'carrot head'. It was so annoying! Lily looked around for someone to help her out and she landed her eyes on Bella. Bella was staring back at her blankly. Lily pleaded with her mentally to tell Alex to stop embarrassing her but Bella just turned her gaze away from Lily and laughed along with the crowd.

"I think I know what Lily's been up to those nights," Alex slurred out. "Our dear Lily has been out shagging guys for money. Oh yes…a prostitute in Gryffondor!'

The crowd started cheering. A _prostitute_? Where the hell did Alex come up with that? The first thing she felt was anger. How could Alex do this to her? Alex was supposed to be her friend.

"I saw Lily coming back one night with her skirt hiked up and her hair all mussed. The next morning, a boy came up to her and asked her what she did with the money. Hmm…I wonder what that could be…"

The crowd was getting louder now and Lily didn't think she could take it anymore. She just stood there dumbfounded and with a huge lump in her throat. She was on the verge of crying but no tears came out. She had trouble breathing and felt as if she would faint. The music restarted playing in the background and everyone restarted dancing. Lily just stood there. People were bumping into her and laughing at her but she didn't move. She couldn't move. She looked at Alexis' face. Alexis was smirking at her and was giving her an evil look.

"How does it feel Lily? How does it feel knowing that everyone knows you're trash?"

Lily opened her mouth to speak but nothing came out so she just started running to the staircase to get in the comforting safety of her bed.

But as she was running towards the staircases someone grabbed her by the waist and started kissing her. She tried to break away from him but he held her strongly.

"What do you say we have a go at it?" The guy slurred into her ear while flashing her some money.

Her eyes opened wide as she tried to break free of the hold on her waist. Why was all this happening to her? Everyone was against her.

Remus felt so bad for Lily. He couldn't, wouldn't believe that Lily was a prostitute. It offended reason. The girl was obviously as innocent as Virgin Mary. Suddenly, Remus heard an audible gasp and turned around to find an older seventh year groping Lily Evans. She looked totally lost with her wide eyes and open mouth.

Remus felt compelled to help her out.

"Hey Tommy," Remus called out "Leave her alone!"

Tommy looked up at Remus and tightened his grip on Lily.

"Back off dude. I saw her first!"

Remus sighed as he lifted his sleeves up. He grabbed Lily away from Tommy's embrace and once she was free, she ran up the stairs and into her room.

Tommy stared after Lily in shock.

"Man, look what you did! She was mine!" Tommy said and threw a fist at Remus.

Remus dodged it easily and punched Tommy straight in the nose, throwing the older man off guard and knocking him out.

Remus was then walking towards Alexis to tell her to back off of Lily. What that girl was doing was insane. Once he was level with her, he grabbed her arm.

"What do you think you're doing?" Remus asked Alexis.

"Why, Remus…what are you talking about?"

"I'm talking about what you've been doing to Lily."

"I didn't do anything."

"I think you know what you're doing. What did Lily ever do to you to deserve this?"

"I don't think that's any of your business Remus." Alex said turning her back away from him.

"Don't turn your back on me Alexis. I was talking to you." Remus said aggressively.

It was the first time that Remus had actually been aggressive with someone but damn it, Alexis was a bitch.

"Well what? It's totally true! Ask Bella, she knows it too."

Remus turned towards Bella with a frown. Wasn't Bella Lily's best friend?

Arabella turned crimson. Everyone knew that Arabella had the biggest crush on Remus.

"So, is it true?" Remus asked her looking her in the eye.

Arabella gulped. She didn't know what to answer, but then she felt Alex nudging her with her elbow.

"Yes, it's true." Arabella finally admitted looking down.

Remus shook his head in disappointment. Alex even managed to turn Lily's best friend against her. Poor Lily…

"Arabella, I'm so sorry to hear that." Remus said and walked away.

Arabella stared guiltily at Remus' retreating back. Maybe Remus was right and maybe Lily Evans wasn't what Alex said her to be. Who was she kidding? Arabella knew that Lily didn't do anything wrong. She just says so to support Alex. Besides, Bella feared Alex and what she could do to her if they didn't have the same opinion. But Lily, she just didn't do anything. It would be so much easier for Bella to stick by Alexis' side than Lily's side. Bella wasn't being a wimp…she was being smart.

Remus was about to go in Lily's room to comfort her, but suddenly, he saw James enter Lily's dorm instead. He rushed to try and stop James from entering but it was too late. The door was locked and inside was James Potter and the broken down Lily Evans.


	4. Chapter 4

**Thanks to all my reviewers again. I was so surprised at the number of reviews I got for chapter 3. I really appreciate it. I find it pretty cool though that you almost all say the same thing: "James is such an ass!" Well, that was sort of the point. Anyways, I also appreciate reviews saying what you think should happen and what you think shouldn't happen. Those give me ideas sometimes. Anyway, bottom line is: thanks to all of you! And don't worry Marie, u motivate me 2."**

Lily was lying on her bed staring at the ceiling. What was going on? What just happened? Lily couldn't believe this was happening to her. It all seemed so unreal. What are the odds of all this happening to her? She really must have a dark cloud over her head. She sighed to try and calm herself down and tried and get all the anger out of her. It didn't work very well though and she ended up sobbing into her pillow.

"How does it feel knowing that everyone knows you're trash?"

Alexis' words wrung in her ears over and over again. How could Alex do this to her? How could she say that Lily was a prostitute? The girl knew nothing about her and she starts rumors on Lily saying that she was a prostitute. Oh god, that was the most humiliating experience that has ever happened to her yet. Not only was her honor gone but her pride also. It was a huge blow for Lily. Just thinking about the guy that grabbed her because he thought she was a whore made her want to scream and punch a hole through the wall. Did these people really believe what Alexis said about her? How could they? Lily was still as innocent as Virgin Mary and she plans to stay so until her wedding night. How could these people think that she was going to lose the only part of herself she treasured, for money?

She got the box of Kleenex she had under her bed and wiped the tears from her cheeks. She always had Kleenex under her bed because she needed them every night. When was this torture going to end upon her? She has had just about enough of it! She has done nothing wrong to anyone, why were they all treating her like this?

She sighed and turned over in her bed. That's when she heard a noise at her door. It was probably Bella. She was going to tell her how sorry she was for not defending her and then the next morning, they would tell Alexis off for doing such a horrible thing to Lily.

But Lily gasped as she saw the very dangerous looking James Potter standing in the doorway.

"Hello Evans."

Lily's eyes widened in horror as she stared back at James. What was he going to do? Did he hear the rumors about Lily being a whore? He probably did and now he's here to get his fair share. Lily looked at the ground appalled. She thought that nothing worst could happen but something a lot worse just did. James Potter and herself were stuck in her room alone.

Lily just stared back at him stupidly. She opened her mouth to tell him to get out of her room immediately but he raised his eyebrows at her and whatever she was about to say got caught up in her throat.

"You're not going to say anything, are you?" James said laughing. "No, you never say anything."

Lily looked at the ground hoping he would just disappear.

"Fine, what I have in mind doesn't involve much talking anyway." James continued.

Lily frowned. What did he mean by that? Suddenly, she saw him walking towards the bed smirking.

No, she wasn't going to fall for that again. She scrambled up from the bed and away from him. He laughed.

"What is it you're trying to do?"

What was wrong with him? Did he take her for some sort of game? Why don't we all bring Lily Evans down? Was that their goal? She felt anger bubbling up inside of her. But once she saw James walking towards her, all that anger turned into fear.

Why wouldn't he just leave her alone? Why wouldn't they all just leave her alone? She looked up at him…now just inches from her face. She looked up into his pale blue eyes, hoping to find a bit of sympathy but she didn't.

"Why?" she choked out.

James tipped her chin up with his hand.

"Aw, are you crying?"

Lily's eyes were filled with tears. Tears she wouldn't, couldn't allow to drop in front of James. She tried to look up at the ceiling so her tears wouldn't fall freely down her cheeks but that didn't work either.

James looked down at her.

"Did anyone tell you that your eyes are impossibly green when you cry?"

Then he bent down so he could kiss her but she quickly moved away from him. He knew she wanted to kiss him so why was she struggling against him? Was it her pride she wanted to save? Well this girl had no pride, so why bother protecting it?

He rolled his eyes at her as he grabbed the back of her neck and pulled her face towards him. He bent his face down so he could kiss her.

Once their lips met, Lily tried to break away but he held her firmly in his grip. No, she thought. She didn't want this. But it was so hard to think with his lips moving so expertly over hers. He entered his tongue into her mouth and his hand rested firmly on her lower back, just above the curve of her ass. He pulled her closer to him then his hand slowly moved to land on her buttocks.

The memory of the last time he touched her ass came into view before her eyes. Lily decided she wasn't going to fall for this again so she bit his lip. She bit it really hard. She bit it so hard that blood spurted out from his split lip. James let go of her in a second.

"Fucking shit!" He swore while touching his swollen lip. "What the hell?"

The moment she bit his lip, she regretted it. She shouldn't have done that. She actually hurt him.

"Oh my god…"she murmured in surprise. He probably hated her more than before if that was even possible.

James went to the bathroom and got himself a tissue to wipe the blood off.

Lily went over to him timidly.

"I-I'm s-s-sorry." She stuttered out. "I didn't mean to hurt you."

"I don't fucking care! Just fix it." James snapped.

Lily really regretted it at this point. She shouldn't have. She was too harsh. Her face was now burning with embarrassment. He was just kissing her and she freaked out as she always does. But damn it, that was only Lily's third kiss and he was going so rough that she just couldn't help but feel a bit scared.

Lily looked at his wound and fixed it with a healing spell.

Then the room went silent. James stared at Lily. That was the first time that he had gotten any real reaction from her. Normally, she would just sit there and let him do whatever he wanted. That's what amused him so much with Lily. She was so passive. He could do anything to her and she wouldn't ever do anything. But this time, she bit him to the point of drawing out blood. So the cat has claws, he thought amusingly.

Lily was now sitting on the edge of her bed. It seemed as though she was waiting for him to do or say something. She was looking down. James recognized this to be embarrassment. He loved seeing her embarrassed.

Lily looked up to see James walking towards her bed. This time she didn't move. She didn't want to hurt him again. That would be horrible. Maybe if she didn't do anything, he would leave her alone. No, she thought. That was a stupid reasoning, but it was worth a try. Lily watched him move towards her with that strong assured walk. James Potter was very intimidating and scary to her.

Lily's hands started shaking uncontrollably. She tried to calm herself down but it just troubled her even more. When he finally arrived level with her, she couldn't bring herself to look at him in the face. What was he thinking right now? What did he plan on doing to her? Was he going to punish her for biting him? She hoped not. She really didn't think she would be able to handle anything tonight.

James placed his knee on the bed and pulled Lily down under him. Once he was firmly placed above her, he looked into her eyes.

"You know, your eyes are the opening to your soul. And what I read from your eyes right now is fear."

Lily gulped. Was she that easy to read?

"Are you afraid of me Evans?"

She shook her head. She was lying and she was sure he knew it.

"Lily?" He softly asked. "Tell me the truth."

How she loved hearing her name on his lips like that. She wanted him to say it again and again. She wouldn't mind hearing that for the rest of her life. Maybe if she just told him she was afraid, maybe he would leave her alone

She nodded. James smiled.

"So you're afraid of…me?"

She looked up into his eyes.

"Yes."

"I've heard people that were intimidated by me but never afraid…" He said and started laughing.

Lily just stared back at him speechless. She didn't know what to say. He was making fun of her again.

"Can I do anything to change that?"

She shook her head. No, she was a basket case. No one could help her in this domain.

"Maybe if we…" James started while a slow smile was playing over his lips.

Then he bent down and started kissing her neck while placing his tongue on the spot where her pulse raced. It was the most erotic feeling that Lily has ever experienced. He continued suckling and licking her neck and Lily lost herself in a whirlwind of sensations she has never before felt. She wanted something but she wasn't quite sure what it was. Her breathing was becoming labored and her hands went directly into James hair. It felt silky soft between her fingers. Suddenly, James was taking her shirt off and she snapped back to reality. This wasn't right. She didn't want to go through with this. It was going way too fast and he didn't even like her.

"No, I don't want to." She said hoarsely.

James groaned.

"What do you mean you don't want to?"

"I'm…I'm not r-ready."

"Evans…"

Lily looked at him. He wanted to go through with this and he still called her Evans? What a jerk!

"My name's Lily."

"Whatever." He said and tried kissing her again.

"And you don't even like me…" She continued.

"So?" James asked. "Two people don't have to like each-other to have sex."

Lily's mouth opened and closed but nothing was coming out. How could he say something like that? He started kissing her again but this time she was stiff. She didn't want him anymore.

"No…stop. Please…"

But he didn't listen to her. Her shirt was almost off and he was taking his shirt off also. Lily was trying to push him off but it was no use. Lily didn't want this…

OoOOOOOOOOOOOoO

Remus was staring at the door. It's been thirty minutes that James and Lily have been in the same room and thirty minutes that Remus has been trying to get in. He tried every spell there was to unlock the door but none of them worked. He finally decided to do it the old fashioned way.

He banged on the door.

"Lily!" he shouted but got no response.

He continued banging until he heard them shift and move around. Finally when Lily opened the door for him, he saw that her shirt was almost off and her eyes were red from crying.

"Hi Remus." Lily said confused.

What was Remus doing here?

"Hi Lily, can I come in? I want to talk to you about our potions essay for Friday." Remus started.

He'd take any excuse to stay with Lily a while. He needed to talk to her. He knew the girl was a mess and he sincerely wanted to help her out. She needed a friend and Remus would be glad to oblige.

"Uh, yeah…could we talk about it tomorrow?" Lily asked while trying to cover up.

"Is anyone in there?" Remus asked.

He knew James was there. He wanted to see the look on his best friend's face once he saw him with Lily. What James was doing was cold. He couldn't believe James would still want to hurt Lily after what had happened tonight. Lily was obviously being rejected by all her close friends and here James barges in her room to seduce her. It wasn't very gallant of him.

Lily blushed and closed the door a bit.

"Um…no. No one's in here."

"That's weird…I could've sworn I heard noises coming from your room."

Lily shrugged.

"I was sleeping when you suddenly knocked on my door."

"I'm sorry I woke you."

Lily smiled at him as if she was saying it was okay. Remus smiled back at her.

"Can I just come in for a couple minutes? It wont take long I promise."

Remus saw Lily glance at her room. Remus knew then that James had gone. Lily opened the door to her room letting him in.

Remus walked in her room and looked around. James was no where to be seen and the window was open. The bastard flew out. Remus laughed at James. Why did James have to be such a prick? Remus loved James as a brother but the guy could be such a bastard with women.

Lily looked at him and motioned the bed so he could sit. Remus obliged. The room was suddenly very quiet and he could see in Lily's eyes that he was making her feel uncomfortable.

"Ok…it's just to tell you that our essay is for Friday and that I hope we can meet like, tomorrow to do it. That is if you can. Can you?"

Lily went around and got a roll of parchment from her backpack and handed it to him.

"Here, I already finished it while everyone was at the Quiditch game. Read it and if you want to change anything, feel free to do so."

Remus took the parchment.

"Lily, you did this alone?"

Lily nodded. "It was no big deal or anything."

"We're a _team_. That means that we're supposed to do the work _together_." Remus said looking her in the eye.

"Next time, tell me before you do something like this. I feel as if I was abusing of you and I don't like it." He continued.

"No, don't say that…I wanted to do it." Lily said shyly. "But next time, we'll do it together if you want."

"Yes," Remus said smiling at her "I would want that."

Lily smiled back at him.

"Just read it tonight and tomorrow we can make a few corrections or whatever."

Remus nodded.

"I'll go read it now. Thanks Lily."

"No problem."

For the first time in a long time, Lily felt as though she could actually talk to someone about her parent's death, about everything. She just wanted to spurt out everything to him. He seemed so nice but the only problem was that he was best friends with James and it would take time for Lily before she could fully trust him.

Lily walked Remus to the door and when he was about to leave he turned around and told her to wait a second.

"I'll be right back." He said and ran off to his room.

Lily waited for about two minutes and then he was back.

"I think this belongs to you." Remus said and handed her the potions essay of last week that she thought she would fail.

She took her potions essay back and threw it on her bed without looking at it. Remus raised his eyebrows at her.

"Bye Lily. I'll see you tomorrow."

He kissed her on the cheek and then he was gone.

Lily went over to her bed and took her essay in both of her trembling hands. She stared at her mark without really registering it. It was impossible! She had an O+.

OoOOOOOOOOOOoO

Arabella was standing at the bottom of the staircases dumbfounded. She has just seen Remus get out of her room and kiss Lily on the cheek. What was that girl playing at? Remus was supposed to be with her not with Lily. Why did Remus want to defend Lily so bad? Arabella sighed and drank more beer. When she was angry, she lost herself in alcohol. She had started the nasty habit right after she had met Alexis.

Alexis was now dancing with Sirius and she was grinding against him. It was common knowledge that Alexis fancied Sirius. She had wanted him since the very beginning of the year but Sirius had never shown much interest in her. Once the dance was over, Sirius let go of Alexis and danced with some other girl. Alexis looked disappointed for a while but then started to dance with another guy in hopes of getting Sirius jealous.

Arabella laughed at the other girl's thickness. Alexis really thought that Sirius liked her.

At the end of the night, when the party was over, Arabella joined Alexis and they both went up the stairs and into their room. They found Lily sleeping soundly in her bed while clutching at her potions essay.

The bitch had an O+.

"Aw, not fair!" Arabella whispered angrily. I worked so hard to pass that test and she got an O? The professor probably gave her an O+ because she was good in bed."

Alexis laughed. Now that Lily was asleep, it was probably a good time to rummage through all her stuff. They wanted to see what other secrets Lily was keeping from them.

They opened her drawers and her bags but couldn't find anything worth telling the student body. Arabella then decided to look under the girl's bed.

"Aha! Found something Alex. Come over here."

Alexis came over to Arabella and found Arabella holding an article of a newspaper. The title of the article read:

"**Thomas and Rose Evans: victims of yet another homicide**

_Thomas Evans and Rose Evans were enjoying a nice afternoon discussion with their youngest daughter, Lillian Evans, when abruptly, the lights went out. Lillian remembers screaming out her parent's names but to no avail. She was sure of another presence in the room. When the lights came back, Lillian was staring into the glassy eyes of her parents. We have yet to discover the cause of this death. We believe the victims died of traumatism. Police officers are pursuing the case, trying to find the criminal behind all this. See page 15 for more details…"_

Arabella stared in shock at the paper. This newspaper was easily a year old. How couldn't Bella realize this was what was making Lily so troubled? Arabella didn't even know that Lily's parents were dead. She put her head in her hands and stared at Lily's sleeping form. Poor Lily. And to top it all off, Alexis and herself were being bitches with her. Arabella felt like sinking twenty feet into the ground.

Alexis just started laughing.

"The poor loser lost her parents?" She asked aloud. "I bet she was the one who traumatized them."

Arabella shook her head. She wouldn't, couldn't be a part of this anymore.

"I'm going to bed Alexis. I'm getting really tired."

"Yeah…me too. Good night babe." Alexis said while changing into her pajamas.

Arabella just stayed awake the whole night trying to find a way to make it all better with Lily again. But the damage was done…there was nothing to do about it. It was too late now to make things better.

OoOOOOOOOOOOoO

The next morning, Lily awoke alone in her room. Good, she thought. She didn't want to see Arabella or Alexis today. The only person she wanted to see was Remus. She got in the shower and showered off. She stayed in there for about half an hour. She loved to just stay in the shower and think.

When she was done, she got dressed and proceeded to go eat her breakfast. She sat at the Gryffondor table and served herself some eggs and toast. She could feel all the eyes on her as she was eating. They were probably still thinking about the thing that had happened yesterday night. Amazingly enough, she wasn't that embarrassed by it anymore. The mere prospect of her being a prostitute was just too barbaric to even consider. If they wanted to think so, then so be it. They were bound to figure out the truth one day.

She saw Arabella and Alexis walking towards her and she tried her best to ignore them.

"Hi Lily!" Alexis greeted her.

Lily just turned her head in the other direction and pretended to not hear Alexis speaking to her as if they were best friends.

Then they sat next to her and starting eating with her and talking to her as if nothing happened yesterday night.

"You know Lily…I heard about your parents. I'm really sorry."

Lily lifted her head. How did Alexis know? Lily visibly paled. Lily looked at Alexis questioningly.

"How do you know?" Lily asked her voice trembling.

"I have my resources." Alexis replied.

Lily just stared at the girl and her eyes widened.

"You looked through my stuff!"

"Bravo! Bonus points to you." Alex said her eyes rolling.

Lily looked into Alexis' brown eyes. How could she have been friends with this girl? Alex was a bitch. Why did she have to choose the wrong friends? It wasn't fair.

"Well, are you happy now?" Lily asked sarcastically.

"Yes, actually I am."

Lily sighed and got up to leave but Alexis stopped her.

"Lily, I have one more question." Alexis said smiling. "Did the police figure out how your parents died?"

Lily didn't know why Alexis was talking to her about this. It was the thing in the world that she wanted to forget the most and she didn't want to talk about this to Alex.

"No. The police dropped the case." Lily muttered.

Okay, would Alex let her go now? What did the girl want from her?

"Lucky for you isn't it?"

Lily looked at Alexis. "What do you mean 'lucky for me'?"

"Well, you don't expect me to believe that your parents got killed by someone. I mean they were traumatized."

"Well, how do you think they died then?"

"Lily, come on…you can tell us. It's all between you and Bella and me."

"No Alexis stop!" Arabella said.

Arabella couldn't believe what Alexis was saying. Alexis was going way too far.

"What are you saying?" Lily asked menacingly.

"Well, I mean the spooky story about the lights going out and stuff. Everyone knows it's not true." Alexis was saying as a smile played over her lips.

"Are you saying that I'm the one who…?" Lily choked on the next words.

How could Alexis think such a horrible think of her? Anger boiled up inside of Lily.

"Well, I'm sure it wasn't totally your fault that you traumatized them."

That was it for Lily.

"You _bitch_!" Lily spat out.

Alexis thought that Lily killed her own parents. Her own flesh and blood. Why would Lily do that? Her parents were the most important thing in the world for her and Alexis thought that _she_ was the one who killed them? God, it made her want to kill Alexis!

Lily stood up abruptly and glared at Alexis. Alexis stood up also but she was smirking.

"It's true isn't it Lily?"

The whole table was now staring at them curiously.

Lily tried walking away from Alexis calmly but her hands were shaking of unleashed anger.

"That's it, just walk away."

Lily then turned around, looked Alexis in the eye and slapped the girl across the face. She slapped Alexis so hard that the girl stumbled back and fell. Bella rushed to help Alexis back up, but the girl pushed Arabella away and glared at Lily. Lily could see the prints of her fingers on Alexis' cheek.

"You can insult me and call me a prostitute, but _never, EVER_ bring up my family again." Lily almost yelled.

After that, the whole table went silent and stared at her as if she was crazy. Lily almost regretted acting so harshly and she hated all the attention she was getting. In a moment of panic, Lily raced out of the hall.

Bella stared at Lily's retreating back for a second before following her. Bella had some explaining to do and she wanted to be on good terms with Lily again, but once she saw Remus going after Lily, she let it go and stayed with Alexis.

She would talk to Lily later…


	5. chapter 5

**Ok everyone, this is the chapter that took so long to update. I hope everyone likes it. I so happy of the fact that people still review my story. It's amazing! I think that I even got more reviews than the first time around. It makes me feel so much better. And I'm really happy. I'm sure all of you want to know what happened after Lily slapped Alex, don't you? Lol ok I'll leave you to it then. And again, I hope you like it.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Harry Potter books. J.K Rowling does. She also owns all the characters except for Alex. **

"Oh my god! The nerve of that girl," Alexis whined holding her cheek. "Did you just see what she did to me?"

Bella nodded. Lily was right to react the way she did. Alexis went way too far; the way she insulted Lily was just plain _mean_. Back when Bella was Lily's best friend, the thing Lily loved the most was her family. She loved them so much. It must have hurt her so much to have lost her parents. And Bella didn't even realize what was happening to Lily all this time. She used to be her best friend and she let her down. In the moments where Lily needed her most, she bailed out on her. What kind of friend was she? While Lily was going though a breakdown, Arabella was out partying with Alexis. The guilt Bella felt at the moment was unbearable.

"Bella, are you listening to me?" Alexis pouted.

"Yes, I am." And she was starting to get annoyed by Alexis' constant bickering.

"I have to get back at that bitch. She can't just slap me like that in front of the whole Gryffindor table."

"Right…" Arabella answered vaguely.

"It was so embarrassing."

Arabella turned her head around and faced Alexis.

"How do you think Lily felt last night when you embarrassed her in front of the whole Gryffindor student body?"

Alexis gave Bella a nasty look.

"Whose side are you on Bella? Mine or that bitch's?"

Bella thought for a moment. She was really on Lily's side but Alex didn't need to know that just yet. She would everything in her power to demolish her afterwards…just like she was doing to Lily.

"I'm on your side of course, Alex," Arabella said smiling at Alexis. "But I just find that by saying that Lily killed her own parents, you went a bit too far."

"How so?" Alexis asked frowning.

"Well, I was Lily's best friend for about five years Alexis and I can tell you that she absolutely loved her parents." Bella answered. "The mere thought of Lily killing her own parents is absurd."

Alexis just rolled her eyes.

"Well, _excuse me_…" she said sarcastically.

Arabella just turned her gaze away from Alexis. She has had enough of her. She didn't think she'd last another day with the girl, but if she ditched her then Alexis could and would turn the whole student body against her. That was how Alexis' mind worked.

OoOOOOOOOOOOOoo

Remus was wandering in the halls searching for Lily Evans. He was sure she came this way but he couldn't find her.

He thought for a second…where would Lily go?

The library

Remus started to walk in the direction of the library when suddenly Thomas blocked his path.

"Where do you think you're going Remus?" He asked.

Thomas' nose was all red and bandaged because of the blow that Remus inflicted on it. Remus almost smiled at seeing the older boy so mad.

"Thomas…get out of my way."

"No, you had no right of hurting me like that yesterday." Thomas said frowning.

Remus rolled his eyes. The older guy sounded like a baby.

"And I'm so sure that Lily deserved to be treated like that."

"Well, the girl's a whore. She gets treated like that all the time."

"Lily is not a whore!" Remus scolded. "The girl is as virginal as virgin Mary."

Thomas' eyes widened.

"Whatever mate…you had no right to bust in and blow a punch at me."

Remus sighed.

"Well, if you don't get out of my way now, I'm going blow another one at you."

"Oh yeah?" Thomas asked smirking. "Then do it because I'm not moving."

Remus attempted to move around Thomas but suddenly, a guy gripped him from the back.

"Meet my friend, Buck." Thomas said while a smirk was playing over his lips.

Remus' blood turned cold. Buck was at least two times his size. This was low, even for Thomas.

"What's wrong Thomas? Can't you fight your own battles? You need someone to take care of you? How about we throw in some candy for you while we're at it?" Remus insulted Thomas smiling.

Thomas frowned and nodded to Buck who punched Remus right in the stomach. Remus tumbled to the floor clutching his stomach.

"_Fuck_!" Remus moaned.

Remus got back on his feet but damn it, he was too tired for this. He hardy had any sleep last night.

Buck and Thomas grinned.

"Had enough yet?"

Yes, Remus thought but he was never going to admit that. He had way too much pride for that.

"Are you joking? We've barely even started." Sirius said popping out of nowhere and throwing a punch at Buck who fell flat on his back.

Sirius had a killer punch and whoever was on his bad side soon regretted it.

"Two against one is never fair Thomas." Sirius scolded. "How about we make this more even?"

Thomas was as pale as a ghost. Remus and Sirius against Buck and himself would kill him. Sirius was way too strong to take on.

"Uh…I think we'll be leaving now." Thomas said and ran off with Buck in tow.

"Wimps!" Sirius yelled at their retreating backs.

Remus laughed.

"Are you alright Moony?" Sirius asked looking concerned.

"Yes, I'm fine but I could've handled the situation without any help." Remus said smiling.

Sirius looked at him and they both started laughing at the same time.

"You should've seen the relieved look on your face when you saw me arrive on the scene. It was priceless!" Sirius joked.

Remus shoved him playfully.

"So Moony, what are you doing out here alone?"

"I was actually looking for Lily."

Sirius frowned.

"Who?" He asked.

"You know…Lily Evans."

Sirius eyes widened and a look of disgust crossed over his features.

"Why the hell are you looking for Evans?"

"Oh, we have a potions essay for Friday to give in and I was supposed to meet her today." Remus lied.

The reason he was looking for Lily was because he wanted to talk to her. He wanted to know what made her so frustrated to the point of slapping Alexis. While he was watching the scene, he silently gave Lily thumbs up for slapping Alex. The girl deserved the slap that Lily gave her. Alexis needed to be taught a lesson.

"Anyway Moony, I was just looking for James when suddenly I saw you getting your arse kicked so now that I took care of the problem and saved the day again," Sirius said smugly "I will leave to find James and Peter who might also need my help."

Sirius then waved goodbye to Remus and left.

Remus shook his head. He was so lucky to have friends like Sirius, James and Peter. They were one of a kind and Remus would do anything for them. After all, they practically did anything for him. At every full moon, they would keep him company. They were like the brothers he never had.

With that, Remus turned around and walked towards the library.

OoOOOOOOOOOOOoo

Lily was sitting in a far corner of the library and she was reading her Shakespeare novel for the third time. But she just couldn't seem to concentrate on her book. Her thoughts always found their way to yesterday night when James barged into her room. She kept thinking about how his lips felt so fine on her own, how their bodies aligned so perfectly well together and how she was always stupidly falling for his tricks. She was infatuated with him while he only wanted her for sex.

"Two people don't have to like each-other to have sex."

That was what he said to her. That was proof telling her that he didn't even like her in the tiniest bit. He only wanted to use her for sex. Lily thought for a moment. She should actually be flattered that he wanted her period. No one else seemed to even want to approach her. They all looked at her as if she had the leper. All that had to stop. Lily didn't think that she would be able to handle being like this any longer. She needed a break from all this. At least a couple of days or she was going to turn mad and they would have to lock her up in St-Mungo's.

Lily sighed and looked at her watch. She loved her watch so much because it reminded her of the happy times she has spent with her family. Now, it was nearly impossible for her not to feel sad or depressed all the time. She felt horrible.

Then she thought of how she slapped Alexis and she smiled. The look on Alexis' face was priceless! But then she thought of all the nasty looks that the Gryffindor table was giving her and all her happiness went down the drain. As it always does…

Lily couldn't stop thinking about James and how much he affected her. He troubled her more than anyone ever has. Did she trouble him? Absolutely not! Then why did she have butterflies in her stomach every time she thought of him? Why was she so nervous around him? Why was she so turned on by his Neanderthal tactics?

Maybe it was because he was hot. His clear eyes, his messy hair and his tall and muscular frame were all too enticing but Lily didn't think that there was only a physical attraction there. Maybe it was the excitement, or fear that turned her on so much.

Lily got up and walked through the stacks of books. She loved the smell of old book that smelled faintly of dust and freshly printed paper. She loved the smell. It took her mind off James Potter for a while which was good, right?

Lily was so engrossed in searching for her book that she was started when Remus came up behind her.

"Hi Lily." Remus greeted.

Lily jumped.

"Oh, you scared me." She said and gave him a light smile.

Remus laughed.

"How are you?" He asked.

He wanted to start a casual conversation and then get to the more important things later. He wanted her to trust him enough so they could talk more about her and what's been bothering her lately.

"I'm fine and you?"

"I'm good thank you." Remus answered

There was an awkward silence after that and Remus didn't know what to say. Lily had her back turned to him and was looking at a couple of books that were on the shelves.

"What book are you looking for?" Remus asked just to talk about something.

"Oh, I'm just looking. I'm not really looking for something specific." She answered smiling at him.

Remus nodded.

"Oh and by the way, I read the potions essay that u gave me last night."

"Really?"

"Yes."

"And how did you find it?" She asked looking at her shoes.

"I thought it was great. I didn't find one mistake or one single thing I wanted to change."

Lily looked up at him disbelievingly.

"Are you serious?" She asked him her brows furrowed.

Remus nodded.

Lily blushed of pleasure and embarrassment. Did Remus actually think she was smart?

"You're really smart Lily. You could get top grades if you wanted to. You just don't study."

Lily blushed even more at that comment. Was he just playing with her?

"Thank you." She mumbled turning her gaze up to his.

She looked into his eyes to try and find something that would confirm that he was lying to her, but she found nothing but pure sincerity.

"My pleasure." Remus said and smiled down on her.

Lily looked at Remus. She wanted to tell him everything. He looked so sincere.

"So, what are you doing for Christmas? It's coming up in only a few weeks."

"Um, I'm going to stay here." Lily answered meekly

"Oh yeah? How come? Don't you have family waiting for you back home?"

Lily shoulders stiffened. Oops, Remus said something wrong, didn't he?

"No." Lily answered coldly and turning away from him. "They died last summer."

Remus almost choked. Lily's parents died? Since when? He felt so bad for asking her.

"I am so sorry Lily." Remus said putting his hand on her shoulder to comfort her.

She shrugged his hand away. She didn't want Remus feeling sorry for her though it was nice to have a bit of sympathy now and then. She didn't want him to see her hurt face so she turned away from him.

Remus was silent for a moment; he didn't know what to say.

"Lily," He spoke softly. "If you ever need anyone to talk to about it or just someone to talk to, I'd be glad to listen."

Lily didn't answer so he just placed his hand on her shoulder one last time to say how serious he was about this. He really wanted to be her friend, he wasn't joking when he said that he would listen to her.

He was about to leave when suddenly, Lily reached her hand out and took hold of his arm. Remus looked at her surprised. Lily just looked up at him tears in her eyes. Remus understood then and held her hand in his for comfort. She gripped him tightly as if she didn't want to let him go. She felt like a ten year old again and Remus was sort of like the older brother she never had.

"Come with me," Remus softly asked "I know someplace where we can talk."

Lily nodded and followed him out of the library. She was finally going to let it all out.

OoOOOOOOOOOOOoo

James had watched the whole scene with amusement. Lily Evans had finally snapped. He knew it would be only a matter of time before she finally exploded. She just kept bottling things up inside her and finally she would just explode. She fascinated him. James didn't even know that her parents had died. It was sort of like a shock to him but it didn't faze him for long. What did interest him was knowing if she would react the same way with him.

James sighed in annoyance and boredom. He was tired of never doing anything interesting during the day. Maybe he should go find someone to spend the night with…nah, too easy. And if he played quidditch? Nah, he wanted to do something different today. What could he do?

He ran out of ideas so he just decided on wandering the halls and annoying first year kids. Those kids were just too stupid. It was rather funny to see them scared shitless of him. Kind of like Evans. Except Evans was more fun and entertaining than the first years. God, he had wanted her so bad the last night and he almost had her if it hadn't been for Remus. James loved Remus, but at times, Remus would be too kind with Evans and the bitch didn't even deserve his consideration. She was a wimp.

James rolled over in his bed and went about wandering the halls. When suddenly, in the common room, he heard two people speaking quietly. One had a shaky voice; he recognized that one as Evans voice. The other one was a bit gruff and very deep. It was Remus'. He went back inside his room, put on his invisibility cloak and hurried back into the common room to listen to the conversation talking place between one of his friends and the wimp. He huddled in back of the couch that they were sitting on and listened in.

"Last summer, I had just told my parents about me becoming a prefect. They were so proud of me and I was proud of myself too." Lily paused and looked up at Remus.

Remus nodded and urged her to continue

"Then suddenly, I felt the lights go out and it just felt so cold in the room. I knew something was terribly wrong. When I saw a flash of green light, I just stayed there petrified, without doing anything to try and help. And when I saw those red hollow eyes I just freaked and started screaming out my parent's name but somehow, I knew there would be no answer." Lily paused because she now had a lump in her throat.

"Then when the lights came back on, my parent's bodies were lying on the floor and their eyes were wide open but…empty. I'll never forget those eyes and their mouths wide open as if they wanted to scream but they didn't have the time to. I knew then it was the dark wizard. And to prove my point, on top of our house there was the dark mark."

"Oh Lily…" Remus said and held the crying girl.

"Remus, I can't believe all this is happening to me…why is everyone so mean with me? What did I do wrong?" she asked clutching at him and sobbing into his shirt.

"You didn't do anything wrong Lily…" Remus answered feeling so bad for Lily.

James was looking at them now. Why was Remus' arm around her waist? James frowned. What was Remus doing with Lily?

"But why did you give up your prefect's badge? I'm sure your parents wouldn't have wanted you to do that." Remus said softly.

"I know, it's just that every time I see that badge, I remembered that night and I just couldn't take it anymore." Lily answered wiping her tears away.

Remus stared at Lily. This wasn't her fault and she didn't deserve all this. She was so insecure about her abilities to do anything and Remus just wanted to help her out. It would be hard though to restore the old Lily Evans back but Remus was willing to give it a try. And the first step to achieving that would be to tell James to back off Lily for a while…maybe forever. He didn't want James messing up her life anymore than he already had.

The Lily looked at her watch. "Oh shoot, I have to go meet McGonagall now. She wanted me to meet her in her office at ten o'clock and its 10h15. She'll kill me." Lily said and got off the couch. She wiped all her tears away and took a deep breath.

The she did something that shocked Remus: she hugged him.

"Thanks Remus, talking to you really helped me. I appreciate it." She told him softly then left.

Remus got up also and stared at her retreating back, and then he turned around to exactly where James was standing.

"James," Remus said. "I know you're there."

James cursed and took his invisibility cloak off. How did Remus know that he was there?

"How did you know?" James whined.

"I don't know…I guess you can say wolf instincts." Remus said sternly.

"Listen James," Remus started. "I want you to leave Lily alone for a while, okay?"

James was taken aback.

"Who the hell are you to tell me what to do?" James snapped.

"Who the hell are you to mess with people's lives?" Remus counted back.

James just turned around and left infuriated. What the fuck was wrong with Remus? Why was he so protective over Lily? It was so annoying. But then again, why he care so much?

OoOOOOOOOOOOOoo

"Lily, do you understand that you need tutor lessons in Transfiguration?" The professor asked sincerely.

"Yes professor, but if you changed the person tutoring, it would be easier for me." Lily calmly explained.

"I do not understand why. James Potter is a very capable man. I'm sure that he will help you very much."

Lily groaned in annoyance but mumbled:

"Yes professor."

"Mr. Potter should be here any minute now."

What? James was coming now? Oh my god, how was she supposed to look at him without blushing?

The James burst through the door looking as if he wanted to kill someone.

"There you are, Mr. Potter. We were waiting for you." McGonagall said smiling at him.

"Here I am. I'm sorry I'm late professor. I was detained." James apologized looking furtively at Lily.

"It doesn't matter Mr. Potter. The important thing is that you are here right now." The professor said smiling slightly. "Now, I think it's time that Lily had her first tutoring lesson, don't you think so James?"

James nostrils flared but he managed a smile.

"Yes I think so too."

"Okay then, I will leave you my office to work and I will be back in an hour and I better see you working!" she said before leaving.

"Guess it's just you and me." James said smiling evilly at her.

Lily shivered. She sensed that something bad was going to happen.


	6. Chapter 6

**Hey everyone, this is chapter six. I just want to thank everyone again for reviewing my story. This chapter was particularly hard to write and it has minor ADULT themes in it so if you don't want to read anything rated M for ,must I say, MATURE people, don't read it please. Anyways, on with chapter 6…I hope you like it. (6) And it might be a while before I update the 7th chapter because I'm in my exam period. Wish me luck!**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. All the characters belong to J.K Rowling except for Alexis.**

Lily was trembling from head to toe. What was she supposed to do with James Potter in a room like this for two hours? She didn't want to try and talk to him. She just wanted to hide inside her covers and dream about having a perfect life…something she could never have. She watched him sit down on McGonagall's desk, and to her surprised he motioned for her to sit on a desk in the first row. He must've seen the shocked look on her face because he rolled his eyes at her.

"I'm not going to kill you. I just want to get over this stupid tutoring lesson." He said angrily.

She nodded and sat on the desk that was the furthest from him. He laughed then.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" He laughed and walked over to her.

Lily turned a beat red and turned her gaze away from his. But once she did so, he held her chin softly in his hand and gently turned her to face him. After, they kept eye contact for about two minutes without flinching. After a couple of minutes, she backed off and turned her gaze away.

"Pfft…" James said and took a seat right in front of her. "So what don't you understand in Transfiguration?"

She looked up at him then her gaze suddenly went back to her feet as she realized that he was staring back at her intently.

"I understand everything in Transfiguration." Lily then answered.

"Then why do you get such bad grades?" James then answered.

Lily looked at the floor.

"It's because I never give in my homework."

"That's pretty stupid. You know, we're in our most important year right now and you're fucking it up for the rest of your life." He said and leaned back in his chair.

Lily had enough. Why was he always pushing her?

"Why do you care? It's not your life I'm screwing up." Lily snapped.

Right after she said that, she bit her tongue. Now, she did it. Why did she always have to slip things out like that?

James looked taken aback for a moment but then he smirked. Damn, he wasn't expecting that.

"Actually, yes it is because then, I'm the one who has to fucking tutor you."

"If you don't want to, then don't do it…" Lily whispered.

"I have to do it…because you are too irresponsible to actually work from time to time." James snapped back at her.

Lily shrugged and looked away from him. She was tired of people always pushing her around and treating her like shit. Sometimes she just wanted to tell everyone off. But then again, this was sort of her fault. James didn't deserve to be here right now only because she was too irresponsible to take her responsibilities at hand. She sighed and went to the door. She was going to leave because she had nothing to do here anyways. But as she arrived to open the door, she realized it was locked. James laughed.

"Do you actually think McGonagall wouldn't lock the door? She knows that I have no desire whatsoever to be here right now."

Lily turned her back to him angrily. Why was he always insulting her? It started to become pretty old.

The suddenly, she felt him in back of her. He wasn't touching her and already she was shivering.

"I saw you slap Alex today…" James said softly.

Lily nodded and gulped. Everyone saw her slap Alex.

"What did she say?" James asked.

He didn't know why but he really wanted her to answer that question. What sent her over the edge? He really wanted to know.

She turned around to face him and stared into his deep eyes. Her breath got caught in her throat when he reached behind her and pulled her to him so her head was now leaning against his muscular chest. She breathed in the scent of him and it intoxicated her senses. How was she supposed to answer a straight response with him in her face like that?

"Lily, answer me…"

He called her Lily again and it made her shiver, he felt it. It felt nice to feel her shiver against him. It was always a pleasure for him to see women fall at his feet. Lily was doing exactly that right now.

"She told me that she thought I killed my own parents." Lily brokenly whispered.

James just hugged her tight to him. If he gave her a bit of affection, she would trust him and then it would be a lot easier to handle her to give him what he wanted.

Lily sighed against him before hugging him back. The way he hugged her seemed as if he actually cared for her. Her hands were trembling. She desperately wanted him to touch her and kiss her and make her forget everything else for tonight. She wanted him right now.

He held her hand and led her to the teacher's desk than sat her atop of it before placing himself between her thighs. She kept her head down and didn't look him in the eyes. He tipped her chin up with his fingers gently and kissed her. He was holding back so he wouldn't go rough with her tonight. Tonight she needed someone soft and if he wanted her to give in he had to take in consideration what she wanted. He softly kissed her on the lips and placed his hands on her hips.

At first she was stiff against him but he warmed her up by probing his tongue gently over her lips.

She couldn't believe it. James was actually kissing as if he cared about her. It made her shiver even more. Maybe he wasn't that bad after all. His fingers were pressing into her hips as if he was refraining from doing something. As if he was frustrated with her or something. That made her stop for a moment. Was he faking this like he was all the other times? She didn't think she could handle him doing that to her again so she pushed him away and rested her forehead against his apologetically.

He groaned and stepped away from her. Why was it that she always pushed him away? Did she not find him attractive? Whatever, he thought and took a seat on the teacher's chair where Lily's back was facing him.

"Why are you so scared of me?" James asked her gently.

He had trouble keeping his impatience hidden. She was pissing him off and leading him on all the time. Cock teaser!

Lily didn't answer him right away and he thought that he might have scared her again.

"I'm not scared; I just don't feel like it." Lily whispered.

James eyes widened. Since when did a girl not want him? That was impossible…Lily had always wanted him, why didn't she want him anymore. Well, he was sure that he could change her mind about that. And he would prove to her that no one rejected James Potter.

"I can change that." James said grinning and reaching for her.

He took hold of her waist and pulled her onto his lap. As he was pulling her towards him, her skirt hiked up and he saw a glimpse of her red panties and at that moment he felt like ripping them off her along with every other piece of clothing on her body. He tried to calm himself down so she wouldn't be offended or anything if he went too fast with her.

Lily blushed. This was embarrassing for her to be on his lap like this. Maybe she was too heavy or something and she was bothering him.

Then his hands went in her hair and he undid her ponytail while keeping his gaze on her face. When the heavy mass fell around her face, he sucked in a breath. She was so beautiful and her hair around her face like that complemented the green in her eyes. He already saw her with her hair down, but now, like this it was different. He was actually looking at her for the first time. James was very good at keeping a blank expression on his face when really he was marveling at her beauty.

God, he wanted to fuck her so bad and hard. The only image that was in his mind right now was to take her against the teacher's desk hard and fast. And her mouth would be open on a scream as he would take her over the edge.

He hated her even more for doing this to him. He hated her because she didn't want him back right now.

Lily stared at his blank face and blushed even more. He undid her ponytail and her hair was now framing her face, did he think it was ugly or something, because he wasn't reacting to her right now. Then suddenly, she felt a bump on her buttocks. He had a boner. She looked away from him from embarrassment. Maybe he didn't think she was that ugly after all. I mean, he wanted her, right?

"Yes Lily," James said and killed the silent atmosphere. "This is what you're doing to me."

Then he took her hand and led it to his crotch. Lily eyes widened and trembled in his. He felt big and firm in her hand. Then he moved her hand over him over and over again. She didn't know what to do so she let him do with her hand as he wanted. Then he started to moan and she kept staring at his mouth, it looked so soft and smooth.

The he opened his eyes and kissed her fiercely as if knowing what she was thinking just two seconds ago. He took her hand away from him and placed his hand just under her shirt at the curve of her waist. This time she kissed him back, her boundaries were starting to break, he thought smirking.

Just maybe, maybe he would get lucky tonight if they continued like this. He really wanted her and that was no joke.

Lily moaned against his mouth and for the first time ever, she reached back for him and placed her hands around his neck. James was thrilled; he was getting lucky tonight for sure. Lily wanted him and she just proved it by responding positively to him.

He pulled her closer to him if that was even possible and then he stood up and placed her legs around his waist before depositing her on the teacher's desk. He followed suit and he was on top of her also.

Her breath was coming in fast pants next to his ear and he shivered as her breath tickled him.

Her eyes were big and wide and they were staring back at him in surprise. Her hips were moving to try and accommodate his big body and in doing so, she shifted ever so slightly against his groin. James groaned some more to let her know what she was doing to him.

"Do you feel that?" James whispered in her ear.

Lily didn't think she would be able to speak if Hogwarts were on fire. She looked away from him shyly and didn't answer him.

He turned her head roughly so she was facing him.

"Never turn your head on me."

Lily looked up at him once more but this time, he could see a hint fear and confusion in her eyes. No not again, thought James. She was supposed to trust him for God's sake! She wasn't supposed to be afraid of him.

He lowered his mouth onto hers to try and make her forget her fear of him but he could still feel her hesitating. His hand traveled to her thigh and he spread her legs wider so he could position himself between them.

She felt his hands travel higher and higher and the he reached her plaid skirt. He fisted the material and felt her shiver in awareness of him so close to her.

Then Lily started to cry. Why the hell was she crying? What was wrong with her? James thought. He stopped and looked at her weirdly.

"Do you want me to stop?" James said hoarsely.

She violently shook her head. No, she didn't want him to stop. She just panicked for a second there. No one has ever wanted her the way James wanted her right now and it made her feel special. She was just so surprised that she had started crying. He must think she was a complete and utter idiot.

James shook his head and got off of her. She didn't want this and James wouldn't force her to do anything she didn't want to do…at least not tonight anyway.

He sat on a chair opposite the desk. She sat upright and stared at him in surprise. Why did he stop? Did he not want her anymore? She was too ugly for him then.

What was she thinking? She couldn't believe that she thought that James actually wanted her. This was another one of his games. He played her yet again. And she fell for it again. She felt stupid all over again and she hated the feeling it left in the pit of her stomach.

She then turned away from him and was determined not to look back at him. She heard James' heavy breathing and she was about to cry. He used her for his pleasure once again and she didn't think she could take it anymore.

"Will you meet me here tomorrow at seven?"" James asked hoarsely.

"No." Lily harshly said.

James was taken aback. This girl didn't cease to surprise him. Surprisingly, he really wanted her to be there tomorrow. James thought for a minute…what was he thinking? He didn't need Lily. Why did he want her there so much? He didn't want this bitch, she was trash and she should be running after him…it shouldn't be the other way around so why was he so eager for her to accept his invitation?

James shook that thought out of his head. He wanted her for sex, right? But he wanted her so much…he has never ached for anyone the way he ached for her. The one girl he couldn't have. Maybe he wanted her so much because she was like a challenge for him and he has never encountered a challenge in his life beforehand. Maybe when he finally did have her, he wouldn't want her anymore and she would get out of his system. That is why he had to fuck her soon.

He didn't like thinking about a girl 24/7. He would rather them think about him.

"Why not?" He asked harshly.

Lily stayed quiet for a moment. She was tired of James always using her and she didn't want to be another one of his toys. She would stand tall and say no to him.

"Because I-I…" she hesitated then took a deep breath. "Because I don't feel like it." Lily said and then smiled.

Wow, she couldn't believe she had actually said that to James Potter. That was a change!

"Why don't you feel like it?"

Lily didn't answer that because the truth was that she really did want him. She wanted him to touch her, to hold her and to give her a bit of affection. Lord knew she needed that. But she didn't want it to be like that. She didn't want someone giving her affection only to fill his carnal needs. She wanted affection from someone who wanted to please her and not only himself.

And if he couldn't give that to her, then she didn't think it would be worth it.

"I just don't want to." Lily whispered.

James laughed at this. She didn't want to meet him? It didn't look like that a couple minutes ago. A couple minutes ago, she was flinging herself at him in hopes that he would take her and he was the one who stopped godamnit!

James sighed.

"Do you know why I stopped a couple minutes ago?" James said softly.

"Because you're an asshole." Lily snapped and closed her mouth shut after that.

She clapped her hand over her mouth and closed her eyes. What did she just say? She couldn't believe she just called him an asshole! Oh my god, he was going to kill her for that.

James let out a laugh despite himself. No girl has ever called him an asshole.

"You know, that is true. But maybe a couple minutes ago, I stopped because I didn't want to be an asshole. I knew you didn't want what I was going to do to you so I stopped. When I do take you, I want you to be completely willing." James amusingly at first then turned serious.

Lily turned around and faced him. Maybe he wasn't so bad after all.

James saw the look on Lily's face. Yes! Her boundaries were breaking again.

"Ok…" Lily answered.

"What do you mean 'ok'?" James said smiling at her.

"Ok, I'll be there tomorrow."

James smiled and kissed her on the cheek. The bell rang so their tutoring lesson was over. Lily picked up all her stuff and exited the room smiling despite herself.

James really did want her. Maybe he would show her a bit of tenderness after all. With that, she entered her dormitory.

OoOOOOOOOOOOOoo

Bella was waiting for Lily for almost over an hour now. Where was she? The suddenly, the door of the dorm burst open and Bella jumped to her feet. It was Lily and she actually looked…happy?

"Lily." Bella started.

Lily didn't hear Bella; she was too in her own bubble of emotion. She actually felt happy for once.

Bella touched Lily's arm and the latter turned around in surprise.

"Bella?" Lily asked.

"Yes it's me. I just wanted to tell you how incredibly sorry I am…for everything."

Lily gave Bella a dirty look. Now was the time Bella was saying sorry? Couldn't she say it before?

"I know what you must think. I know we'll never be as good friends as we were before but I want it to be at peace between us."

"Fine." Lily snapped and turned around. She went over to her bed and gathered her books to leave but then she heard Bella softly sobbing. She remembered all the times she had done that and Bella never doing anything. She remembered all the hurt that Bella and Alexis had inflicted on her and yet, she couldn't ignore her ex-best friend.

Lily turned around and she had tears in her eyes herself. She tried to blink them away but they ended up falling freely down her cheeks.

"Why didn't you come talk to me when I was so alone?" Lily asked while tears were falling down her cheeks.

Bella got up and held Lily in her arms. They were both sobbing softly while remembering the friendship they used to have and how they had both flushed it down the drain so fast.

"I am so sorry Lily. I don't know what had gotten into me. I'm so sorry…" Bella said while clutching tightly Lily.

Lily held her best friend.

They both just held each-other until their cries subsided. When they finally separated, they stared at each-other for a long time and wiped each-others tears off. Then Lily started laughing and Bella too.

"Anyone who walks in here at this moment would think we were crazy." Lily laughed.

Bella nodded.

"But I'm serious Lily; I will never ever abandon you again."

"You said that when we were best friends Bella."

Bella cringed.

"I know."

"Why did you do it then?"

"I don't know, to tell you the truth i think Alexis influenced me, I guess." Bella said sadly.

Lily nodded.

"We won't ever be as close as before Bella," Lily said "But I forgive you."

Lily smiled at Bella and Bella smiled back at her thankfully.

"Thank you, Lily."

"Come sit next to me Bella…I have so much to tell you."

Lily was smiling at she was talking to Bella about everything that had happened to her over the past few year. She was finally content and she had found her long lost friend again. Nothing could be better, she thought.

What she didn't know was that Alexis was staring at the both of them with an evil eye from her bed. The two idiots thought she was sleeping. Oh, how they were wrong, and how dearly Bella would pay for her betrayal….


	7. Chapter 7

**Hey everyone! I would like to thank ALL my reviewers because I respect everyone's opinion even though sometimes it's kind of harsh. I would love to thank Samy and can I do that again sometime: p. These 2 people totally motivated me to write another chapter without keeping in mind that nasty review. Thanx a lot! **

**P.s: Thanx to Tina Bo Bina, Yellowcard 1991 and Omgaw for the title suggestions. In the end, I think I'll keep the title as it is lol. If I don't, people might not be able to find my story anymore. Thanks anyways, it was really sweet of you and the title suggestions were great. I would've had a hard time to choose one anyway. :p! Special shout out**

**To RANA and Tina who motivates me 2 write.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything. The characters all belong to J.K Rowling except for Alexis. And the plot is mine!**

Lily was sleeping next to Bella's sleeping form. She couldn't believe that she was actually friends with Bella again. She shouldn't be. She really shouldn't have accepted her apology. For a whole year, Lily was waiting for Bella to talk to her like before. She had needed it so much. In the time where Lily wanted Bella to be there for her, she had left.

But as she looked at the brown haired girl next to her, peacefully sleeping, she couldn't help but feel a little happy that she had found her best friend again. Even though Bella wasn't Lily's best friend anymore, she wasn't her enemy anymore either. Lily felt at peace with herself now. She lied back down on her bed next to Bella and drifted into a deep slumber.

Alex was glaring at them. She couldn't believe Bella was friends with Lily again. What a bitch! She had just backstabbed her. What did Alexis do to Bella to deserve this? Alexis was getting even more pissed by the second. She took a deep breath and exhaled slowly to keep herself from jumping on their sleeping forms and choking them to death. She would have to wait until the next morning to actually have her revenge. To Alexis, revenge was always sweet.

OoOOOOOOOOOOOoo

James lied down on his bed and stared up at the ceiling. He was meeting up with Lily again tomorrow. Shit, he wanted to fuck her so bad. The girl was a fucking retard so why did he want her so much? Maybe it was because he had already had a taste of her and now he wanted the whole meal. No one has ever refused him before. They normally said no, but they never really meant it. They wanted him really; they just didn't want to seem like whores. But Lily surprisingly looked very sincere when she had said no. It surprised him, angered him but yet totally turned him on.

_Fuck!_ He didn't want her. He shouldn't want her. She was useless, an idiot and totally without brains. Why the hell did he want something to do with her? She was exactly like all the others so why was she trying so hard to be unique? She was like all the other girls; useless, disappointing and bitchy.

James groaned. He hated all of them. The whole lot of 'em. Stupid women never knew what they wanted. He knows that they only want him for his looks, but then they claim they _love_ him and they never want to get off his case. But Lily was different. She didn't want his body, but she obviously wanted something from him. That angered him to no end. Why was she pretending to want something other than the sex he has to offer? That girl was playing with his mind and he hated it. If she didn't want sex, then what did she want? She couldn't really want him. He was mean and such an asshole with her, it would be impossible for her to really be interested in him.

Well he knew for sure that he wanted her for sex. She was practically the only girl he hasn't already had in all the sixth year. He had no idea why he wanted her so much. That's why he was going to meet her today. Hopefully, he'd get to fuck her and get her out of his system. Yeah, tonight was the night he would finally fuck Lily Evans.

OoOOOOOOOOOOOoo

Lily was eating breakfast with Bella at her side. Bella was talking about how she thought that Remus was so hot and nice and generous. Lily laughed along with her, but deep down she didn't really give a fuck. She was annoyed with Bella only talking about Remus. He was Lily's good friend and hearing Bella talk about Remus as if he was some sort of God disturbed her. Then right on cue, Remus came around Lily and sat next to her.

"Hey Lily." He said and bent down to kiss her on the cheek.

Lily blushed at this because she felt bad. Remus had just kissed her on the cheek and he didn't even acknowledge Arabella.

"Hi," Lily responded meekly "How are you?"

Remus smiled, but he looked really tired.

"I'm fine. I'm just a bit tired."

"Yeah, me too." Arabella cut in.

Remus nodded and took a seat next to Lily.

"How was the tutoring lesson yesterday?" Remus asked her frowning.

Lily blushed a deep red and Remus cursed under his breath. He figured out that something had happened last night with Lily and James. Damn it! He had told James to back off Lily.

Lily smiled hesitantly. "It was good."

At least she looked sincere, Remus thought.

Arabella stared at them confused. She had no clue what they were talking about and she felt very much rejected. Once she saw Alexis enter the hall, she distanced herself a bit from Lily. She was scared of what Alexis might do to her. She locked gazes with the brunette and she saw this undeniable hate in Alexis' eyes. Alexis turned her gaze away from Bella and sat at the Slytherin table with this girl called Trixie. She was very tall with blond hair and green eyes. She could get any guy to do whatever she wanted. She was gorgeous. Girls like those made Bella feel very ugly indeed.

Bella looked at Lily. Lily was very pretty also. With her green eyes and auburn hair she looked really good. She also had pretty freckles on her nose and a bit on her cheeks as well. Her lips were a dark pink and she didn't even wear makeup. Bella's lips were always a very pale pink so she was always obligated to wear some lip gloss or lipstick to make them seem fuller.

Then suddenly Lily was looking at her. Did Lily just ask her a question? It seemed so because Remus was now looking at her also. She blushed a light shade of red. Remus was so hot and so nice. He was what she always wanted and here he was not talking to her, but to Lily.

"Sorry?" Bella asked politely.

Lily laughed. "I was just asking you what we have next period. Remus and I both forgot our schedule."

"Um…wait a second. I'll check in my journal." Bella reached for her journal in her bag with trembling hands. She fumbled with the pages until she found out what they had next period.

She groaned.

"We have potions next." She answered.

Remus smiled then at Lily and gave her a high-five.

"What was that for?" Bella asked them laughing. "I hate potions."

Remus looked at her smiling and her stomach did a funny little flip-flop.

"I hate it too, but Lily is my partner."

Bella nodded and she was so jealous of Lily. Bella then thought for a moment. Who was her partner again? Oh shit, it was Alexis!

Just then, Sirius and James entered the hall smiling and shoving each-other around jokingly. Peter was following them anxiously. Bella thought she would die when Sirius just walked up to her and placed his arms around her. She gave him a weird look and he just smirked at her.

"Hey guys." Sirius said smiling slightly.

James just nodded in Lily's direction. It was his way of greeting her. She just smiled back at him and remembered that she would be alone with him in a couple hours. She blushed at the thought of being alone with him later in the day. He noticed this and smirked at her. She turned her gaze away from him shyly and smiled nervously at Remus.

"Hey Sirius, James." Remus greeted back.

"So," Sirius started "What's your name, sexy?"

At first Bella rolled her eyes at him and shrugged his arm off her shoulder.

"The name's Bella."

"And the name suits you fine." Sirius continued while nuzzling her neck.

Arabella's eyes grew wide. What the hell was going on? Was Sirius hitting on her? Arabella made a disgusted sound and pushed him away from her. She had the biggest crush on Remus, not Sirius! That guy was the biggest pig in all Hogwarts. His reputation's was almost as worst as James'. This was not what Bella wanted. She didn't want to be another notch in someone's pants. It had happened to her before; it wasn't going to happen again.

Remus was now smiling at her. Arabella then blushed a deep color and smiled back. James caught what was going on and gave Sirius a sympathetic smile.

"Ouch, man. That's got to hurt." James said laughing.

Lily watched him smile and laugh with his friends. She dreamed that one day he would be smiling at her instead of at his friends. She had Goosebumps just looking at his pearly white teeth and cute dimple in his right cheek.

The suddenly, this red haired girl that was a year younger then them passed in back of James and the latter struck out his leg and made the red haired girl trip. She fell to the floor whimpering loudly. He had hurt her. She got back up, all flustered and marched off blushing like crazy.

Lily studied James' face. It was hard and it didn't show any more emotion. It was the face he always used to use on her every time he would do one of his dirty tricks on her. That confused her. That girl was also a red head. Did he hate red head? And why so?

Sirius gave James a tap on the back and Remus sighed and lowered his head. Bella was about to start yelling at James for doing that to the poor girl, but she was scared of what he would say to her after. He was known for having a very bad temper.

Lily then got up slowly and exited the Hall. James followed her out leaving Sirius and Remus alone with Arabella.

"I wonder where they went." Sirius said smiling and serving himself with the bacon in front of him.

Remus sighed and rested his head in his hands.

Arabella was staring at him. Why did he care for Lily so much? It wasn't fair. She was the one who loved him, not Lily.

"Why did James trip that poor girl?" Arabella asked Sirius.

"Who cares?" Sirius said dismissing the subject.

Arabella gave him a dirty look. The problem with Sirius and James was that they were so selfish. All they ever thought about was themselves. It was so upsetting.

Arabella then stood up.

"Whatever, I'm out." She said, but before she could leave, Sirius grabbed her arm.

"Where are you going?" He asked.

"Why do you want to know?" Arabella asked shrugging off his arm and leaving.

"Bye Remus." Arabella said sweetly.

"Bye." He answered looking to where Lily had left.

Sirius looked at the brunette leave. What was that girl's name again? He didn't remember her name, but all he knew was that she was hot and that he had to have her.

OoOOOOOOOOOOOoo

"Lily," James called after her. "Where the hell are you going?"

"Leave me alone." She called back at him.

He caught up with her and held her back with a strong arm. She tried to get away from him but he was a lot stronger than her.

"What's wrong with you?" James snapped.

Lily faced him.

"How could you do that to that poor girl?" She asked him.

"What are you talking about?" he asked and his face hardened.

"You know the redhead…you made her trip." Lily reminded him.

James rolled his eyes at her.

"That was nothing. She didn't care."

"Maybe she didn't, but I did. You can't do that to someone."

"Fine, whatever. What do you want me to say?" he snapped.

Lily didn't answer him. What was she supposed to say now? She couldn't ask him to say sorry, that would be just weird and awkward. James probably never said sorry in his entire life. He's too egocentric for that.

"Never mind." She whispered and turned away from him.

"Hey…" James said and turned her to face him.

He pressed her up against him.

"So, are we still on tonight?" He whispered next to her ear then bit it sending shivers up her spine.

She leaned her head against his toned chest and nodded. She felt herself blush just thinking about being with him alone later. She was sort of excited though. She hugged him back and then he landed a soft kiss on her lips.

She sighed and totally gave in to what he was doing to her.

"Ew, gross! Get a room!" A second year kid groaned breaking the moment.

James broke away from her just long enough to give the finger to the kid. Lily sort of laughed at James' attitude. He just never seemed to care of what people thought of him. Maybe she needed to spend some more time with someone like him. Maybe he would influence her to become less self-conscious of what people thought of her.

The bell then rang at that moment. It was the beginning of their classes.

"We have potions now." Lily said and they made their way to the potions classroom with James' arm around her the whole time.

It made her feel very secure and happy to be held so with his strong arm. It was what she was dreaming of her entire life at Hogwarts.

Once they entered the dungeons together, James let go of her and started walking towards his friends leaving Lily alone at her usual spot. A couple minutes later Remus joined her.

"Hey," he said joyfully "Why did you leave so suddenly before?"

"I dunno," She answered "I was getting ready for potions."

Remus nodded.

"So…what's going on with you and James?" Remus asked smiling slightly.

Lily blushed beat red.

"Nothing." She mumbled

Remus laughed. "Yeah right."

She playfully punched him in the arm.

"Shut up!" She said laughing.

He laughed with her and rubbed his arm. "That hurt…"

Arabella was watching them from her spot. They seemed so cute together and whether she like to admit it or not, it was obvious that Remus liked Lily the same way that she liked him. She sighed. It was like a fucking love-triangle. The ones you only read about in books, except this time it was her life.

"They're so cute together, aren't they?" Alex cooed breaking her train of thoughts.

Arabella groaned inwardly. She almost forgot that Alexis was her partner for potions class this semester. How was she going to survive?

"You know, at first I thought you and Remus were meant to be, but now I know that I was totally wrong. Lily and Remus are the cutest couple ever."

'Way to rub it in…' Bella thought.

"Don't you agree with me?" She asked Bella.

Bella didn't answer. She kept staring at Lily and Remus together, playing around and she couldn't help but feel a little jealous of Lily. Didn't Lily know that she had the biggest crush on Remus?

Alex was watching Bella from the corner of her eye. Yes! Her plan was working. She saw Bella's jealous stare slowly turn into an angry one.

"You know, I think that what Lily is doing isn't really fair to you…I mean, everyone knows how totally in love you are with Remus."

Bella then snapped out of her reverie. She wasn't stupid, she knew that Alex was taunting her, and she hated it.

"Alexis?" Bella asked.

"Yes." She answered then smirked.

"Shut up." Bella snapped.

Alex looked pretty taken aback for a while before she started glaring back at Bella.

"Don't try and make me turn my back on Lily again because it's not going to happen. I'm sick and tired of you always trying to manipulate me into doing stuff I don't want to do. I thought you were my friend, but turns out you're just a no good, lying, manipulative BITCH!" Bella screamed the last part.

It's been inside of her for so long, she just couldn't keep it inside anymore. The whole class was looking at her weirdly now, but Lily was smiling at her. Bella smiled back and realized that that was the only thing that mattered. She had her _real_ best friend back, she didn't need Alexis. She never did and she was sorry that she just realized that now.

"Hey," Alexis snapped. "Don't get all snappy on me just because Remus 'the guy of your dreams' is more interested in your best friend than you." Alexia snapped back.

The whole class turned to her and laughed. Arabella blushed deep crimson and glanced at Remus who was looking at her intently right now. Lily had her hand clapped over her mouth now and looked as if she felt really guilty. Bella had nothing to answer to that. She wasn't that embarrassed right now, she didn't get embarrassed very easily, but she was very angry. She was angry that she let Alex have the last word.

"Bitch!" Sirius insulted between coughs.

The whole class then turned and laughed at Alex. Bella glared at Sirius. She didn't need his help. He should just mind his own business.

Everyone knew that Alex had the biggest crush on Sirius and the fact that he just called her a bitch was so humiliating for her.

Alex then grabbed her stuff and exited the room, mumbling stuff. Before she turned away though, she gave this death glare in Arabella's direction, but this time Arabella smirked at her. She knew what Alexis was capable of and frankly, she didn't really care anymore.

OoOOOOOOOOOOOoo

"Oh my god Bella, I am so sorry." Lily said to Bella at the end of the day when they were both in their dorm chatting.

"What are you sorry for?"

"I had no idea that you liked Remus. Remus and I are just friends though, I assure you. I thought you just really wanted to be his friend."

Bella nodded. "Yes, I know."

Then there was an awkward silent moment that stretched for a few minutes.

"So…are you mad at me?" Lily asked biting her lip.

"No…" Bella answered sighing.

"Then, what is it?"

"It's just that I'm just realizing how stupid I was before. I thought I could actually depend on someone to be happy. Alexis was my ticket to popularity which I used to think was happiness. Now, I know that it's just something artificial that makes other people like you for whom they think you are. They don't really know you. They know you superficially and that makes you feel very fake. Maybe it makes other people like you, but you lose all respect you have of yourself along with it."

"I never really thought of it like that."

"Me neither, not until today anyway. Today, when I confronted Alexis, I felt so much better about myself than before when I would just plaster on a fake smile."

Lily grinned then.

"I'm starting to finally recognize you. That's more like the old Bella I used to know."

Bella smiled at Lily.

"That's the nicest compliment someone's given me this whole past year. It's like before when I used to talk, people would hear me speaking, but they weren't really listening. Now, I feel as if I'm not talking to a wall anymore."

Lily got up and hugged Bella. She was so happy that her friend finally found herself once again.

OoOOOOOOOOOOOoo

"Shit!" Lily groaned into the empty classroom.

She was talking to Bella and she had totally lost track of time. It was now 7h30. She was half an hour late and now, James was gone. Urgh! She felt like such an idiot. She told James that she was going to meet him here today and she couldn't believe she forgot. She was looking forward to it the whole day.

She was so rude. He probably waited for her and she never showed up. He was probably so mad at her right now. He probably would never talk to her again. She absolutely did not want that to happen to her. There was only one thing left to do. She had to go see him.

She walked back to the Gryffindor tower and up the stairs into the boy's dormitories. Her heart was pounding in her chest and her hands were trembling as she stood in front of James' dorm. She considered walking back to her dormitory, but she didn't. The need for him to hold her right now was too strong.

She wiped her moist hands on her old crappy jeans and knocked on the door. Oh my god! What if Remus answered her? Or Sirius? Or even worse, Peter?

Luckily, James was the one who answered the door…in his boxers! She stared at his toned chest and suddenly, her mouth went dry. His chest was so…manly. She just felt like running her hands all over him.

James didn't smile or greet her at all.

"Get in." he ordered.

She hesitated. What if the Marauders all saw her with James? That would be embarrassing.

"The guys are out tonight, don't worry." He said rolling his eyes.

Lily stepped inside the Marauder's dorm. James closed the door behind her and locked it.

"You were late." He said glaring at her.

She opened her mouth to say sorry, but before she could answer, he had her pinned against the wall with his lips up against hers.


	8. Chapter 8

**Hey heyy! Here's the eight chapter people, I hope you like it. Thanks to all my reviewers again. I appreciate it a lot. This chapter was particularly hard to write because everyone is sort of starting to mature. I won't tell you now, just read it lol. Sorry I didn't update faster, I was reading the sixth book :p. Isn't it awesome?**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. All the characters belong to J.K Rowling but the plot is mine!**

Arabella leisurely walked the halls of Hogwarts alone. She was going to the Astronomy tower to gaze at the stars. Lily had told her that it always made her feel better and she advised Bella to do the same. So here she was, walking the halls all alone to get to the Astronomy tower. Hopefully, the tower wouldn't be occupied by someone else.

As she got there, she was relieved to find that when she opened the door of the tower, she didn't find anyone. She sat on the floor where she had a perfect view of all the stars above. She stared up at them in wonder. Never had she seen such a beautiful sight. There were so many stars that she had never seen before. She sighed and rested her head against the cold floor still searching the stars. She gazed at every single star and one caught her eye. It was the one that shone the less, it was dying. It kept blinking on and off trying in vain to keep flashing, until suddenly, it died out.

She sighed. Why did things so beautiful have to die? If Remus liked her, would it be beautiful? Would it die out? Bella didn't want to think about that. Every time she saw herself with Remus, she always thought it would be perfect. He would bring her to long midnight walks outside Hogwarts, he would hold her hand in public to show everyone she was his, and he would hold her and say soft things in her ear when she would be sad.

She wanted it so much, it was becoming unbearable. She decided that she would tell him first thing tomorrow morning. She had to. As she sat up, she gasped in fear. There standing in front of her laid a dark figure she couldn't quite unmask. It was too dark to see who it was, but as she opened her mouth to scream, a hand clamped over it.

OoOOOOOOOOOOOoo

Lily couldn't begin to explain all the thoughts that were running through her head as James Potter was kissing her. She felt drowsy and she felt so relaxed at the same time. Today, he wasn't being rough with her and it made her feel all giddy like every other time he kissed her. He backed her up against the wall and placed his hand on the zipper of her jeans.

James stared down at her. She had prepared herself for tonight. She was wearing her old crappy jeans that got complimented by this really nice tank top. It gave the impression that she had more curves than she actually had. She had also fixed her hair by curling it. He loved the look on her. She looked so naturally beautiful it hurt his eyes. He had to have her now, or he would die of wanton.

"You want?" he asked nuzzling her neck and playing with the zipper of her jeans.

Did she really want this? She wasn't sure what she wanted anymore. She tried to concentrate on the answer she would give him but her mind was too fogged up to give him a straight answer. She looked up into his eyes and knew her answer.

She nodded. He was so happy of her answer that he carried her to the bed smirking. Finally, it was about time he cracked that shell of hers. She always seemed to be so innocent and scared. She needed to become tougher.

He deposit her on the bed and stared down at her sprawled form. Lily was so beautiful like that. He didn't know why, but the fact that he could be her first totally turned him on. He wanted to be the one to be her first, but watching her like that, he was also scared to touch her. She looked so fragile; he felt that if he touched her, she would break under him.

He just kneeled next the bed and stared at her for a couple minutes. He could feel her blush and shiver under his gaze. He loved the reactions she had towards him. It was like he was the only one that could make her feel this way.

She lifted herself up on her elbow and looked at him.

"What's wrong?"

He shook his head. "No, nothing."

"Then why are you staring at me like that?" She asked smiling nervously.

He passed his hand through her hair smoothly. What was he supposed to answer? As he looked at her carefully, he felt a mix of pain, anger, lust and fear all fuse together. How could she make him feel this way? No one else could make him feel so strange. He wanted to bawl, run away, breakdown and hold her all at the same time. He was so confused right now, it was making him dizzy.

He wasn't sure what he wanted anymore. When he thought about having her right now, it didn't seem right. He was also sort of disappointed. What if he had her now? Then what? He would just dump her like all the other girls? After a while, it seemed sort of clichéd. It was always the same thing for him. He got the girl easily, fucked her, and then dumped her. He was sort of hoping she would give him more of a challenge. She was like all the other girls.

But then again, if she really was like all the other girls, why didn't he just fuck her and be done with it? Yes, that was what he would do. He would fuck her.

He licked his lips in anticipation.

"I'm just thinking about all the things I'm about to do to you." He answered her in a sultry voice.

She blushed. He always had a knack of being able to silence her with his words. This time, she wanted to play his game. This time, she was going to silence him.

"Then stop thinking about it, and do it." She said smiling at him.

For the first time ever, James Potter was silenced. He laughed and got on the bed beside her. They were now both facing each-other. She was looking at him as if he was some sort of god, and he was looking at her with pure unadulterated lust. All she wanted to do right now was reach over and hug him tight to her. She wanted to feel his muscular arms around her in a tight embrace, but instead she felt him toying with the hem of her shirt and pulling it off. He tossed it to the side and sat up next to her.

He stared at her breasts. They weren't big…they would barely fit in his palm, but surprisingly he didn't mind. Normally, he would, but this time he enjoyed her slimness. She was slim, but she was curvy so it was okay.

"Are you a virgin?" He asked her while trailing his hand lower to pull her pants off.

She nodded.

"Are you sure you want to go through with this?" He asked her again.

She couldn't think properly right now. She was too caught up in his pale eyes to concentrate on anything. All she did was reach for him. She wanted to feel him next to her. She needed him there with her. She had her arms up in the air urging him to come next to her.

"Come."

He looked at her, but didn't make a move towards her. She was so beautiful. Her hair was mussed, her swollen lips were parting and she was reaching for him.

"Please…" she pleaded with him.

He sighed. Maybe having her tonight wouldn't be such a good idea. She looked so innocent; he didn't want to take that from her.

"James, please."

She wanted him so much right now, she wanted to cry. All she wanted was for him to hold her. She wanted to feel his arms around her so much. She needed his affection.

He stepped away from her.

"I'm sorry, I can't. Not tonight." He whispered stroking her hair.

"What?"

"Not tonight Lily."

She was off the bed in an instant and was looking for her clothes. Once she found them, she rushed to the door and was about to leave when suddenly he placed himself before her.

"I didn't say I wanted you to leave though." He said frowning.

She glared at him.

"I want to leave."

"No you don't."

"Yes I do."

"Well, I don't want you to leave." He said locking the door and reaching for her. She backed away from him as if she had been burned.

"Don't touch me," She snapped.

James was mad. No one ever snapped at him before. He wasn't used to it.

"Well a couple minutes ago, you wanted to have sex and now you don't even want me to touch you?"

She sighed and turned away from him so her back was facing him.

"Why don't you want me?" she asked him her voice trembling. "Am I that undesirable?"

James sighed and hugged her from behind.

"Fuck, that's not it at all. You don't know how much I want you right now."

"Then what is it?" she snapped and turned around.

James saw that she was about to cry. Her eyes were becoming very watery. God, he didn't know why, but he wanted to see her cry. Her emerald eyes were sparkling and ever so bright.

"You're a virgin. You're first time should be with someone special."

She hugged him then. He hugged her back. Lily pressed her face against his chest as one arm was surrounding her while the hand of his other arm was in her hair. Lily felt so secure there in his arms, she wanted to stay there forever. It was the first time he hugged her without his shirt on.

She was loving it. She breathed in the smell of James Potter, it was so intoxicating. He was being so sweet to her.

"Was your first time with someone special?" She murmured against his chest.

He held her tightly.

"No it wasn't. Well, at the time, I thought she was." He whispered still playing with her hair.

"Did you dump her after?"

"Yes."

"Was she a virgin?"

James stopped playing with her hair and looked down at her.

"Why are you asking me all these questions?" he asked frowning.

She shrugged. "I don't know. I barely know you at all."

"What do you want to know?"

She shrugged. "Whatever."

"Can I ask you some questions?" James asked smirking and playing with her bare tummy.

Lily nodded and blushed. It was so rare that someone was actually interested in her, that she felt somewhat shy.

James had no idea what he was doing. It was the first time that he actually didn't want to have sex with someone. He found it even scarier that he wanted to know a lot about her. Normally, he didn't care for the girl. He was always annoyed when the girl talked to him. And now, he was the one making her talk. He was the one who wanted to know more about her. It scared him shitless. What the fuck was she doing to him?

She sat on his bed and smiled at him shyly. Without thinking, he followed suit and sat next to her.

OoOOOOOOOOOOOoo

"Shut up or you'll get us caught." Sirius said smiling at Bella and removing his hand from her mouth.

She gave him a dirty look.

"You scared the shit out of me," She snapped breathing heavily.

For a second there, she thought that it would be a rapist or something. She was so scared.

"Sorry about that," he said lying down next to her.

"What are you doing up here?" he asked her.

"Um…I was just gazing at the stars. It feels good. It's relaxing." She said and smiled at him.

"Hmm…I never really thought about that before," He said smiling back at her.

She shrugged. "I bet all you do in here is have sex."

"That's harsh, but partly true," he said smirking.

"Then the next morning you dump those poor girls."

"Now, that's not true." Sirius said frowning.

"Yes it is. You don't care about anyone but yourself."

"Wow! Where did you get that from?" He asked sitting up and staring down at her.

"It's common knowledge," she answered shrugging again. "You and James are great one night stands, but the worst boyfriends in Hogwarts."

He stared down at her. He supposed that what she was saying was true, but it was weird actually hearing it from someone.

"I could be a great boyfriend if I wanted to." He answered.

"You wouldn't know how."

"I could be very romantic."

"What would you do? Take her to this tower and fuck her senseless under the stars?" She snapped.

He looked at her. Wow, she really was something. He stared at her for a moment. She wasn't just pretty, she was gorgeous. Her long dark hair was spread all over the cool stone floor and her eyes were open wide and staring right back at him taunting him.

"What do you think being romantic is? Is it buying flowers or chocolate, depending on the girl, and then taking her out for a picnic next to the lake? Is it whispering soft things in your girlfriend's ear while watching the sunset? Is it holding her tight and kissing her under the stars? Is it walking her back to her dorm and maybe giving her a goodnight kiss depending on how the night went? Is it holding her hand all the time to show everyone that she's yours? Is it always giving her compliments when she's feeling insecure? Is it telling her you love her?" Sirius said slowly all the while staring into her soulful brown eyes.

She stayed silent for a while. She couldn't speak, he left her speechless. All she could do was stare into his eyes.

"That seemed to be pretty romantic, yes." She whispered. "But it's only effective if the girl likes that kind of stuff."

"Do you like that kind of stuff?" He asked.

"Yes, I do."

"Don't you think its clichéd?"

Arabella laughed at that. "It might be a little, but most of the girls don't really care. They just like to feel cherished."

"And when two people make love, don't you think the girl feels cherished in those moments?"

Arabella stared at him. "Yes I suppose she does, unless that man happens to be very selfish in the bedroom."

Sirius laughed. "I can assure you that that's not my case."

Bella smiled at that. She was sure that that wasn't his case because of all the gossip going on in the girl's dormitory.

"Not everyone is like you, you know."

"I suppose you're right. Why do you say that? Past encounters?" he asked raising his eyebrows.

"I guess you can say that." She answered shrugging and tensing up.

Sirius also tensed up at seeing her tense up. "What happened?"

Arabella sadly smiled. "Nothing you have to know."

"Did the bastard force you?"

"No, I was just stupid. I believed all the bullshit he was telling me. The night after I gave away my virginity to him, I found him screwing this other girl a year younger," She said staring at the stars. "But I did realize something about myself…"

Sirius was curious to know what had happened to her.

"What did you realize?"

"I realized that with my ex-boyfriend, I kept giving, but I never received anything in return. Next time, I'm going to be more careful about what kind of partner I'm going to have. He has to be passionate, caring, nice and romantic," she added with a smile in his direction.

She realized she was perfectly describing Remus. God, she really liked him. She wanted him so bad, it hurt sometimes.

"Sounds like you're describing a saint. Let me tell you that no guy is ever going to be like that." Sirius said smirking.

"Maybe he won't be a saint, but I know that he won't dump me after sex." Arabella said looking in his direction curtly.

She realized then that she had indirectly insulted him.

"Fair enough," he said and smirked.

"Sorry, I didn't mean it like that," she apologized

After that there was a long pause. Neither had anything to say to each-other. It wasn't awkward though. He lied down next to her again and for a brief moment, his arm touched hers and she felt a shiver run down her spine. She didn't think much of it though. She was probably just cold.

"I'm going to kiss you." Sirius whispered then leaned into her.

Arabella's eyes widened, but before she could object his lips were pressed to hers. It was a very soft kiss and before she could even acknowledge his lips on her own, he broke the kiss.

After that, he got up and stared down at her. She looked confused and her lips were parted in surprise. She passed her fingers over her lips then looked at him with wide eyes.

"Bye, I'll see you around." He said and left before she could say anything.

Bella was left on the cool floor wondering about what had just happened. Sirius Black had just kissed her and she found herself liking it very much. But then she thought for a moment. That kiss didn't mean anything. He probably does it to every girl he meets for the first time. She still loved Remus, didn't she?

OoOOOOOOOOOOOoo

"So you've known Sirius for how long now?" Lily asked James.

They were both lying on James' bed. He had his arm around her and her head was resting on his shoulder. She was so comfortable in his arms like that.

"Since I was three." He answered playing with her fiery red hair.

"Wow, that's a long time. How did you meet him?" she asked leaning back into his hand.

"Our parents are best friends." He answered nonchalantly.

"That's pretty cool," she stated.

After that they just stayed in each-others arms without saying anything. She was occasionally staring up at him with her deep emerald eyes and he was staring down at her with his pale eyes.

"What about you?" he asked. "Do you have any sisters?"

Lily smiled. "Yes, but no."

"What do you mean 'yes, but no'?"

"I mean that like my sister couldn't give a shit about me. She denies being related to me."

James looked at Lily.

"Why does she do that?" he asked frowning.

Lily cringed.

"She thinks it's my fault…" she said her eyes watering.

"What's your fault?"

"That my parents got killed."

James winced at that. He couldn't imagine all Lily had to go through. First the death of her parents that she loved so much, then her sister hating her because she thinks its all Lily's fault her parents died.

"Don't worry about it babe, it wasn't your fault," he said lighting up a cigarette.

Lily shrugged then looked at him light up a cigarette.

"Do you want?" he asked her showing her another cigarette.

"No thank you."

James shrugged and started smoking. "Fuck, I needed that." He said blowing out smoke from his mouth.

"Why did you start smoking?" Lily asked.

"I dunno. I guess I thought it was cool back then."

"Why don't you stop?"

"I'm too lazy."

Lily nodded. James obviously didn't want to talk to her right now. He was only giving her curt answers and never asking her any questions.

"You really should stop though. It's dangerous for your health."

"Whatever, I could only do it if something, or someone," he added looking at her curtly,  
"motivated me to stop."

Lily blushed.

"What do you have in mind?" she asked.

"If I'm good then you have to do something for me in return."

"What kind of thing?" she asked frowning.

He smirked at her then and unzipped his pants.

Her eyes went wide. Surely he didn't mean…?

"Ha-ha, calm down. I was joking," he laughed.

It was the first time James actually laughed genuinely and it sounded so different from that usual sardonic laugh.

"Did you think I was serious?" he asked smiling.

Lily nodded and blushed when he just started laughing harder.

"Shut up!" she told him laughing and playfully hitting him. "It wasn't funny!"

They laughed for a while, but when it got late, Lily was slowly falling asleep on him. He was watching her sleep and suddenly, he was filled with compassion. He wanted to protect her. He felt sort of compelled to help her out. He was just realizing he has never ached for anyone the way he ached for her. He wasn't just attracted to her physically either. It was starting to scare the shit out of him. She was scaring the shit out of him…


	9. Chapter 9

**AN: I am so sorry it took so long to update. Too much has come up in my life. Im really sorry! Thanx to all my reviewers again and I hope you guys still like the story even after like 3 months of not updating. Don't worry, im not abandoning the story. In fact I already finished chapter 10, but I didn't post it cuz Id rather keep you guys in suspense. If everything goes as planned, you will get another chapter every two weeks. Thanx again, and im SO sorry:(**

**Disclaimer: I don't own ANYTHING! All the characters belong to J.K Rowling except Alexis.**

Lily woke that next morning with a smile on her face. She was so happy of the events of last night. She remembered his strong arms enveloping her and the strong musky scent of him. She was relieved that the wall between them broke down the night before. The fact that he didn't want to have sex the other night also made her like him even more. She realized that he wasn't only after her for her body. It made her feel very giddy in the inside.

Did he ever act this way with past relationships? She didn't think so since he seemed so lost yesterday. She knew that, at some point, he wanted her, but he changed his mind a couple of minutes later. She wondered what made him change his mind. At first she thought that he had been messing with her all along, like the first time he kissed her, but then he wanted her to stay with him and he refused letting her leave. That had to mean something, no?

She turned over in James' bed only to find that he wasn't even there anymore. The smile she had a couple seconds ago, quickly turned into a frown. He left without waking her up? Why didn't he wait for her?

She quickly left his room and rushed into her own. She had to get dressed quickly so she could meet up with him in the Dining hall. As she opened the door to her room, she found out that Arabella had already left and the only one still in the room was Alexis. Lily just ignored her, but Alexis didn't seem to want to do the same.

"So Lily, where were you last night?" Alexis asked with a satisfied smile on her lips.

Lily just rolled her eyes. "Back off, I'm not a prostitute." She sighed.

Alexis stared at her with an eyebrow raised. "So where were you?"

Lily quickly in a rush, slipped on a pair of pants and a well fitting tee-shirt just before draping her robe over it all.

"That's none of your business." Lily snapped before exiting the room.

Alexis frowned. Lily was becoming a lot more outspoken then she had been before. It would be so much harder to break her. Arabella wasn't a problem though. Alexia knew exactly what to do, or more precisely, _who_ to do. She knew it would be hard to get Remus on her good side, but she knew she would. She will have her revenge.

OoOOOOOOOOOOOo

James was sitting on The Gryffindor table talking to Sirius.

"So, James, who were you with last night?" Sirius asked smirking slightly. "Is it that girl from Slytherin?" he added nodding in her direction.

She had long blond hair, a shapely ass and very feminine features. She was smirking in his direction. He thought her name was Trixie, but he couldn't be sure. She was very tempting, but unfortunately, James wasn't interested in her. He never really liked Slytherins.

"No, I wasn't with anyone." James lied.

He didn't know why, but he was sort of embarrassed to say he was with Lily. He knew Sirius would be making fun of him if he told him he spent the night with Lily and didn't even fuck her. Why didn't he fuck her? Why didn't he feel like it anymore when came the time to unzip his pants? The worst part was that SHE was the willing one and he was the one to refuse her.

It was all way too sudden and scary for him. He couldn't quite figure out what was going on with him. Lily and him weren't going out, were they? No, they probably weren't. They didn't even go on a date yet or anything. Then again, James never went on dates. So if they weren't an item, he wasn't tied down to anyone. He was still free to do what he wanted with other girls. Well, if he couldn't have what he wanted from Lily, maybe he would go look for it elsewhere…

"So, where were _you_ last night?" James asked to change the subject and his train of thoughts.

"I was at the Astronomy tower. You know a girl called Arabella?" He asked. "I think its Evans's best friend or something…"he added.

James nodded. He had a vague picture of Arabella in his head.

"Does she have really long brown hair that reaches down to her ass?"

"Hell yeah, that's her."

"Well, what about her?"

"She's my next target. She's really hot." Sirius said raising his eyebrows suggestively.

James smiled at his friend. He was always like that. One girl after the other. He had just dumped this girl called Annie two days ago and he was already looking for someone new. At least he was better than James. James could be looking for another girl while he was dating another one.

"Did you fuck her yet?" James asked.

"No, I only met her yesterday. I don't think she's interested in me. That's why I think she's hot."

James nodded absent-mindedly. He wasn't really interested in what Sirius had to say about Arabella.

"Wait a second…doesn't she like Remus?" James asked frowning.

Sirius' face fell. "Fuck…does Remus like her?"

"I don't know, ask him."

"I will," Sirius said. "But if she likes him, I'm screwed because if she likes guys that are like Remus, there's no way she'll ever like me…or even worse, screw me." He added appalled.

James laughed. Padfoot will never change, but James didn't mind. He liked Sirius just the way he was.

"Arabella isn't your type anyway."

"What do you mean 'not my type'" Sirius snapped.

"I mean that she's not the type of girl that you normally date. She's not the popular girl everyone knows, or the whore that will go for a one night stand with you."

"Who said I wanted a one night stand?"

James raised his eyebrows. Sirius always went for one night stands.

"Sirius, you always go for one night stands. You never dated anyone for more than a week."

Sirius grinned. "You have a point there…"

James playfully punched Sirius on the arm.

"You're such a prick," Sirius complained rubbing his arm.

Just then, James wasn't listening to a single word Sirius was saying anymore. He saw a certain redhead enter the Hall and look straight in his direction. He turned away pretending to be totally into what Sirius was telling him. He didn't want to go see her anymore. He was scared of what she would do to him this time. She already made him not want to have sex, what would she do next time? Get him down on one knee?

Fuck no, that wasn't going to happen. No way, was he going to dive headfirst into this mess. He just wanted to end what was between him and Lily, but then again, he didn't.

This morning when he woke up, he found her snoring softly with her flaming red hair covering his face. She was half-sprawled over him and her leg was between his thighs. He had pushed the hair away from her face and he just stared at her for a couple minutes. He had such an intense urge to rip all her clothes off and make love to her, pleasure HER.

That's what scared him off. The urge to please someone other than himself was new to him. He didn't know what to make of it. He absolutely didn't want to be like those guys who would put the girl's desires before their own. He would always make fun of those type of guys. He disrespected them and treated them like shit, and here, he found himself becoming like those guys. It was his worst nightmare.

"James?" he heard Lily ask from behind him.

He turned around and looked at her. He was being as cold as he could be with her. He wanted to confuse her, like she was confusing him.

"What?" he asked coldly.

When he saw her face fall, he almost regretted having been so harsh with her. She reached a hand up to touch him, but he backed away knowing that if she touched him, he would be a goner and his plan would fail. He tried to look disgusted too. By the look on her face, she believed him.

"What's wrong?" she asked him her voice trembling.

He looked at Padfoot behind him and Padfoot was laughing.

"Yo James, what's up with this?" he asked James nodding in Lily's direction.

"I don't know, ask her." James laughed along with him.

Lily was left there, embarrassed as hell and not knowing what to do. Why did he keep doing this to her? Why did he always have to act all macho around all his friends? It annoyed her to no end, but it mostly hurt. It hurt her that he was different with her when they were alone, and then once he's with his friends, he changes.

"Why are you doing this?" she whispered, because she knew that if she talked, she would start sobbing in confusion.

"Doing what?" he snapped. "What are _you_ doing?"

He had to stop himself from adding "to me" at the end of his sentence

.What was _she _doing to him?

Lily looked at him more closely trying to find any form of regret at all, hoping to find at least something that would prove to her that he didn't mean it, but it was obvious that he did mean everything he was telling her.

"Nothing," she answered him. "I wasn't doing anything at all." She added and stalked off.

She was through with him for sure now. There was no way that she would actually go back with him after what he just told her.

As she exited the hall, she turned around and observed James one more time, he was staring back at her. She glared at him and that was when she saw a bit of remorse in his eyes. She knew then that would try and get her back after, but she wouldn't allow it anymore. She was always confused and she was never sure of how he felt about her. Maybe it would finally be time for her to move on.

OoOOOOOOOOOOOo

James stared at Lily's retreating back. She just glared at him. It would be so much harder for him now to try and manipulate him into giving him what he wanted. She grew harder every day. She was less of a wimp and more independent. He found it so hot and it made him want her even more.

Too bad he just drove her off.

"What was that all about?" Sirius asked him.

"I don't know." James answered seriously staring at the place where he last saw Lily.

Sirius raised his eyebrows at James.

"You're seeing her aren't you?" he asked James smirking and elbowing his best friend.

"What? NO!" James answered trying to sound appalled at the mere idea of it.

"Stop lying to me," Sirius responded laughing "There HAS to be something between you guys."

"No."

"Stop lying!"

James glared at his best friend. "I'm not _seeing_ her…its more complicated than that."

"OHHH," Sirius yelled smiling. "Oh my fucking God! You're seeing redhead?"

James shoved Sirius. "Shut up!"

"You're seeing the loser?"

James rolled his eyes at Sirius.

"So, did you fuck her yet?"

"No…" James said and cringed.

"Why not?"

James didn't answer that. He didn't know what to say. He didn't know the answer himself. Why didn't he bed her? He had at least two opportunities to, but he decided against it. Why?

"Wait a second, if you're seeing her, why did you act so cold with her just now?"

"I'm not seeing her! We're just sort of…" he didn't know how to explain it. They weren't really friends with benefits, since they weren't even friends. Well, sort of…but then again they were also more than friends with benefits. They hardly had any benefits anyway; they didn't even have intercourse yet. What the hell were they?

"Man…that would be plain weird and cliché. I mean, you dating Lily and me dating her best friend. It would be like double dates and everything."

"I'm not dating her."

"Why don't you? It's so obvious that you like her, or that at least you're attracted to her. If you wanted her to do…stuff with you, she'll be more prone to saying yes to you if you're going out."

James didn't answer.

"Lily isn't that bad looking after all," added Sirius. "The only reason why I didn't like her was because you hated her…or so I thought." He added smirking and looking at James from the corner of his eye.

"Whatever Padfoot." James said nonchalantly. "I don't want to go out with her."

"James, you have to learn that girls aren't all evil like you think they are."

"What do you mean?" he snapped.

"I mean to say: don't be scared of getting attached."

James laughed.

"Look who's talking."

"I'm not scared of getting attached with someone," Sirius answered seriously. "I just haven't found the one worth getting attached to yet, but I gave a try to at least everyone I've went out with. You shrug them off, right from the start."

"What are you trying to tell me now?"

"I was just telling you to be a bit more flexible in a relationship."

"What? Flexible?"

Sirius groaned.

"Fuck James, just ask her out already!"

OoOOOOOOOOOOOo

Lily returned to her room crying. He kept confusing her. She couldn't take it anymore. Why couldn't he just tell her he didn't care about her already? She knew she didn't want their 'relationship' to end like this. She still cared a lot for him. She liked him a lot, yesterday; she even thought she loved him.

But love, in her eyes had to be two-sided or then love didn't exist. Love is loving someone as much as they loved you. If he didn't care for her at all, how was she supposed to love him?

Maybe it really would be best to shrug him off. He seemed to be doing just that to her. How could something so perfect yesterday change into something so totally horrible in a space of a couple hours? That's when she heard someone enter the dorm. It was Alexis again...

"Lily?"

"What the hell do you want?" Lily snapped.

Alexis was taken aback at Lily giving her such attitude. Lily was really changing.

"Maybe you should like stop crying or something…"

"Maybe you should just FUCK OFF!" Lily yelled the last part not wanting to talk to Alexis at all.

"Fine…" Alexis said leaving the room.

Lily looked back at where Alexis was just standing, did Alexis just leave? Wow, screaming actually did work. Getting frustrated actually did help a little. She wondered what James would do if she got mad at him. What he would do if she was rude and obnoxious and yelling. She wondered if he would actually listen to her that one time.

No, she couldn't do that. She wasn't like that. She was more of the calm type that almost never got frustrated. What has been happening to her these last few days? Normally, she would just ignore every little insult, and then it would all accumulate inside of her and then she would feel trapped in all those insecurities. She would never let it all out like that.

But these last few days, she's felt more liberated than she has ever felt since the death of her parents. Ever since she started to see James, she changed. And it felt good. Lily stopped crying and actually started to smile. She would get through this. From now on, she would never keep her opinions to herself, she would say them aloud. Make people notice her. She didn't want to be the little loner anymore that everyone made fun of and that never did anything about it.

From this point on, maybe she would still be a loser, but at least she will answer back when someone insults her. She wouldn't keep it all inside anymore. She didn't want to. It was time for her to finally come out of that little protective shell she was always carrying on her back.

She was the new and definitely improved Lily Evans.


	10. Chapter 10

**Hey Everyone! How r u all doing? So I was a bit disappointed in the number of reviews I had for the last chapter. It was much less than what I normally get, but I guess I deserved it cuz I haven't updated in so long. Anyways heres chapter 10 in all its glory lol. Thanks to everyone that updated! I really appreciate it…except for the one where the anonymous reviewer called me irresponsible. Im really sorry that I took so long to update, but please don't call me irresponsible. It's not very motivating. **

**Diclaimer: I don't own anything, unfortunately. All the characters belong to J.K Rowling except for Alexis.**

**THIS CHAPTER IS RATED R FOR MINOR SEXUAL CONTENT LATER IN THE CHAPTER. **

Lily was sitting at her usual spot at the Gryffindor table the next morning. Arabella was at her side and they were both talking about what had happened a couple nights ago.

"Oh my god, so I was at the Astronomy tower late the other night and I was daydreaming about Remus, as usual, and then guess who walks in…" Arabella told Lily.

"Um…Remus?" Lily laughed

"No…it was Sirius."

Lily's mouth was open.

"What happened?" Lily asked her friend.

"Well, he kissed me." Arabella admitted then blushed.

Lily started to laugh.

"Aren't you in love with Remus?"

"I am! It's just that Sirius is so annoying! He just bent down and went for it, as if he was sure I would approve. He is such a prick and really not my type…"

Lily raised her eyebrows.

"Are you sure?"

"Lily! I'm positive!"

"Ok, ok," Lily laughed "No need to panic."

"I'm not panicking, I'm perfectly fine!"

"Bella, calm down. I just have one question though…"

"Yes?"

"How did the kiss feel like?"

Bella thought for a moment. The kiss felt so perfect, so nice and sincere. He didn't french her or anything which was really nice. Whether she would like to admit it or not, it was very intimate and it felt so good.

"It was disgusting," she lied.

"What? Really?"

"I swear, he was totally slobbering all over me, and he was disgusting. He was like a human shower." She lied.

That's when Lily started cracking up.

"So Sirius, of the marauders, is a bad kisser?"

"He's horrible."

"I don't believe you."

"Fine…don't, but it's the truth. He also had bad breath."

Bella just had to smile at that one. She went too far with that one. Well, whatever, too bad. He had brought it up upon himself.

"Do you want to eat now?" Lily asked Bella while motioning the plate of scrambled eggs in front of her. Just a couple minutes ago, James had totally humiliated her in front of Sirius. She was over it now though. Today was the day she would finally tell him that she had enough of him. It seemed so hard though. The thought of it being totally over between her and James actually burned her heart. She knew what heartache felt like now. It was the most hurtful sensation she has ever felt. It was worst then feeling humiliated.

Then suddenly, her voice caught up in her throat. She had just seem James enter the Grand Hall, followed by Sirius. Was he looking for her? NO of course he wasn't looking for her. He had more important things to do, she supposed. Why did she care anyways? She was over him wasn't she? She wasn't going to get fooled again by all his lies. She was over it all.

But all that still didn't make her heart beat any slower when she felt his hands on her shoulders. Why was he touching her? Why was he even near her?

She looked up at him and decided to tell him off, right here, right now. As she looked into his deep blue eyes, she couldn't help but just gaze up at him. She was already out of breath just admiring him.

"Hi," he said sounding a bit guilty. "Listen Evans…"

That's when she snapped out of it. He had just called her Evans! The nerve of him! How dare he?

"No, you listen James…I'm tired of always having to put up with your mood swings. Just last night you were perfect. Why do you act so cold this morning? If you think that after that trick you pulled on me just a few seconds ago, I'm still going to fall back in your arms, then you're wrong. I'm not like that anymore, so please I would appreciate it if you stopped talking to me…forever."

Oh good god, she would have loved to actually have the guts to say that, but unfortunately, she didn't. Everything she was about to say got caught up in her throat as she looked up into his eyes.

"I don't need this right now James," she managed to choke out.

"What do you mean?" He snapped.

"Are you THAT blind?" She asked.

How could he not even realize what he was doing wrong? He was such an idiot!

He stared back at her quizzically.

Lily sighed in desperation as she got up form her chair and walked away from him. She was waling towards to exit of the Grand Hall when suddenly James caught up with her. He had a death grip on her arm.

"Let's take this outside…now!" he ordered.

"No, I don't want to take this anywhere." She mumbled.

He glared at her.

"You don't mean that…"

"Yes I do!" She snapped.

That was when he pushed her against the wall and planted his lips on her own. God she couldn't think properly when his lips were moving so expertly over hers like that. He had to stop! The bad part was that she didn't want to stop it. She couldn't! A sob rose in her throat just thinking about how he could manipulate her like that. She was being so weak. It was becoming really bad

Instead of putting his arms around her like he always did though, he held her hands at her side. It was the first time he held her hand. His kisses were soft this time which was really rare. His thumb was caressing her fingers lightly and her knees almost bucked. Why was he being so caring towards her all of a sudden?

She pulled away suddenly and looked him straight in the eye. His eyes were closed and his head was leaning against hers. He had one of his famous smirks planted on his lips.

"No you don't," he murmured against her lips.

She didn't answer, but closed her eyes because she thought he would bend down to kiss her again.

"Come with me," James ordered and dragged her away. They were walking fast in the halls, and then they were taking the hallway leading to the lake outside. People were staring at them weirdly, but they both didn't care. Lily's heart was pounding hard and fast just thinking of what they were going to do there.

"Where are we going?" she whispered to him.

"The Quidditch bleachers," he answered smirking.

"Why? What are we going to do there?"

"What do you think we'll do there?" He asked smirking down at her.

She was starting to feel a bit nervous now. She didn't necessarily want to do all that stuff with him. Well, she didn't know what she wanted anymore…

Just then, James squeezed her hand with his own to comfort her. She looked up at him and he just smiled down at her. When James genuinely smiled, it was something. He had cute little dimples in his cheeks and his teeth were pearly white against his dark lips. His eyes gleamed also which made his skin look tanned and very sexy.

She smiled back up at him and followed him out onto the bleachers.

OoOOOOOOOOOOOoo

"What do you think Lily and James are doing?" Arabella asked Sirius.

"What do YOU think they're doing?" he asked winking at her.

"I have my ideas…," she answered smiling confidently in his direction.

Sirius' pants suddenly became too small as he stared intently back at her. She definitely was something. Confidence on a girl was downright sexy. And it was even sexier on Arabella. He liked the fact that they both thought the same thing at the same time. He placed his hand on her leg boldly as he leaned down to try and kiss her neck.

Arabella jolted out of his grip. What was wrong? Did he go too fast? Did she not want the same thing as he did? Arabella then gave him a dirty look. Even that look on her seemed hot. SHE was hot! He wouldn't be able to stand a second longer if she continued like this.

"What do you think you're doing?" She asked still giving him that dirty look.

Sirius shrugged and tried to act cool about the whole thing when he really wasn't. It was like the first time someone had EVER rejected his advances. Normally they prayed for him to make a move on them, but this time, it was the other way around. He prayed that SHE would make a move on him. It was a huge change in Sirius' life.

"You know you want it too." He said confidently.

Arabella then started laughing.

"You wish!"

But deep down inside Sirius knew how she was feeling. He knew girls too well. That blush that rose on her cheeks indicated she was hot for him right now and she was trying to deny it. Her eyes were dark indicating wanton. The only bad thing about her right now was her foul mouth.

Sirius smirked at her as he gripped her chin in his fingers smoothly and bent down to kiss her. She stared at him in the eyes daring him to actually go through with it, she was taunting him.

That was why Sirius stopped halfway there. He let go of her chin and leaned back in his chair. The next time he would kiss her would be because she wanted him too, not because he wanted to. She would be begging for it, begging HIM.

"I knew you would chicken out," she said laughing at him.

He raised his eyebrows at her.

"No, it's just that the next time I do it, you'll be the one begging me to."

"You're so conceited." She snapped at him

"No, I just know that what we have is good. Don't tell me you didn't feel anything the other night in the Astronomy tower…"

Arabella blushed. What was she supposed to answer now?

"Sirius I…"

OoOOOOOOOOOOOoo

Remus was walking in the halls on his way to the Great Hall when suddenly he heard sobbing. Someone was crying and by the sound of it, it was a girl. Remus couldn't take the fact that someone was in pain and followed the sounds of crying.

A blond girl was on the floor in a little ball and she was rocking back and forth while crying softly.

Remus knelt down next to her and put his hand on her shoulder.

"Don't worry, I'm sure everything is going to be fine," he reassured her.

That was when the blond girl lifted her head and Remus was surprised to see that that blond girl was in fact none other than Alexis.

"What are YOU doing here?" she snapped.

"I was just trying to help, I'm sorry if I bothered you. I will be leaving now." Remus said coldly.

He got up to leave, but suddenly he was stopped since Alexis tugged his sleeved shirt back.

"No, please don't," she begged. "Please don't leave me like everyone else..." she said and started sobbing.

Remus looked into her desperate eyes and couldn't bring himself to leave. He couldn't abandon someone who was crying, even though it was Alexis. Mean cold hearted bitch Alexis.

He sat down next to her and put his arm around her shoulder in a comforting gesture. She leaned into him and started crying softly. After a while, her cried subsided and she was wiping her tears. They stayed like that for a moment, just silence hanging in the air.

"I don't know if you would mind me asking, but what happened?"

Alexis smiled sadly.

"It would be the least I could do…," she answered. "But I, myself don't really know what's wrong with me."

"What do you mean?"

She laughed then.

"My entire life, I've been causing hurt and pain to people I don't even know fully. I've been such a bitch and I've just realized this now. How could I have been so mean to Lily, to Arabella and to everyone? I really want to change now, but it's too late. People already see me as the bitch…no matter how hard I'll try; people are always going to keep seeing me as a mean person."

Tears started spilling on her cheeks again.

"I can't change their opinion of me anymore…It's too late. A couple minutes ago, I saw Lily crying and I tried to help her out, but she just blasted me to hell. It really got me thinking. I really want to change, I really do!" she sobbed even harder.

Remus was touched. He couldn't believe Alexis was telling him all this. She was spilling herself to him. She trusted him. He held her closer and started to rub his hand over her back in a comforting gesture. He would trust her. He wanted to help her out . He couldn't abandon her like that; she needed someone there for her.

"Don't worry about it. I believe you." Remus said smiling down at her.

She stopped crying and stared back at him.

"Do you really?" she asked sounding hopeful.

"Yes, I do," Remus answered smiling slightly.

She hugged him then and Remus thought she might be crying of joy right now.

Then she backed away from him slightly to look him in the face. She stared into his eyes and saw so much compassion that she was genuinely grateful. She didn't know what to do in these circumstances so she lowered her head in sign of gratitude.

"Do you think you can help me out?" She asked coyly.

Remus nodded and then he got up. He reached a hand towards her and helped her up. She took his hand and soon they were both walking towards the Grand Hall.

Alexia grinned: phase 1 completed.

OoOOOOOOOOOOOoo

Lily was sitting on James' lap staring into his eyes. He was so beautiful. He just smiled back at her and he was thinking the exact same thing.

"What's your favorite color?" he asked suddenly.

"Why?" she asked laughing.

He shrugged. "Curious…"

"Green," she answered blushing.

He lifted a hand towards her cheek and lightly touched her face with his fingers. His thumb stroked the place right under her eye. She just tilted her head towards his hand.

"Like the color of your eyes."

He smirked at her and then his thumb was tracing her lips. That was when he bent down and kissed her lightly on the lips. His hands then traveled down her shoulder and gripped her more tightly around the waist. He was then lifting her and positioning her so her legs would be wrapped around his waist and so her crotch would be in direct contact with the growing bulge in his pants.

Their lips intertwined and James then let his tongue into her mouth. Their tongues tangled together for a while but then Lily's jaw started to ache, so she drew back. James took that as an invitation to start his ministrations on her neck. He trailed light kisses from her jaw to the base of neck and bit the tender bundle of nerves where her neck met her shoulders. Lily shivered against him and visibly relaxed into his arms.

His hands then traveled under her shirt across her bare back. Her skin was so soft there, he couldn't stop caressing it. For now, he was only interested in touching her. He didn't care about the growing bulge in his pants, well yes he did, but he tried to not pay any attention to it.

Lily felt really bad, he kept making her feel so good and yet she never did anything to fulfill his needs. She knew he needed something right now, but she wasn't ready to give it to him yet. That swelling that was growing in his pants excited and thrilled her to no end. If it weren't for their clothes, he would be inside her by now. Her hips then started moving against him, embarrassing her, but it was her body's response to him, she couldn't help it.

He groaned as Lily started moving against him. She was driving him absolutely crazy. Lily smirked at his reaction. She felt in power right now. She was the one doing this to him. She felt so powerful in that moment. No words could describe how she felt right now. She felt amazing.

Their hearts were beating at an amazing rate. She was growing hotter and hotter every second. Both of their breathings were becoming ragged. She was so close to something, she needed it so much and by the looks of it, James needed it too. One of the hands that were rubbing her back then traveled to the front and grabbed her hand. He then placed her hand on his heart and he placed his on hers.

"See how fast they're beating together?" he whispered against her neck.

The other hand that was rubbing her back moved to the front and went dangerously lower. He started to rub her there over her jeans. Oh God, Lily was starting to feel things that she has never felt before. In some weird way, she was scared of what she was feeling. The pressure was building higher and higher, she didn't think she could take it anymore. It was becoming harder and harder for her to breathe. Suddenly James leaned down and whispered into her ear things she couldn't understand, she was too caught up in what he was doing to her.

"Do you like that?" he whispered smirking against her ear, and then bit it.

Lily moaned.

Oh, how James loved that sound. It was so raw and real. He loved hearing it on every woman, but Lily's was different somehow. He started to rub her harder where he knew she needed it the most. She was close, he could feel it.

Suddenly James needed to touch her there without all the layers of clothing hindering the feel of her. He wanted to please her into giving her the release he knew she craved so much. He wanted to see the look on her face as she passed over the edge. He wanted it so much it hurt.

"Lily, can I…?" he asked her while placing his fingers on the button of her jeans.

She leaned her head against his shoulder and her nostrils were filled with the strong musky scent. She felt his fingers there on the button of her jeans, and she heard his plea to let him unbutton them.

"Please…" he pleaded with her.

Should she? She was definitely sure she wanted him too, but she wasn't sure if she'd regret it later. That little doubt she felt actually gave her the will power to shake her head.

Just as fast, his hands were gone; they stopped touching her, just as she had wanted. That was what she wanted right? His arms then enveloped her in an awkward embrace. Then she started crying of anger. She was so mad at herself for blowing it again. When was she finally going to feel ready for him? She also felt horrible for doing this to James. He was just trying to please her and she blew him off again. She felt so unfulfilled it made her cry even harder. She was so close to something huge, she needed it so much, but she had denied it. She was so angry!

"I'm so sorry," Lily said crying softly against him.

"Shh," he soothed "It's ok."

"No, no it's not!"

He just rubbed his hand over her back to comfort her. James almost felt like crying too. He didn't know why though, it was weird. A tight knot was in his throat and he just wanted to scream. He didn't know what exactly he was feeling for Lily. The only thing he knew was that it was real. The question was: Did she feel the same way?

That was what he was scared of: rejection.

She hugged him back and they just sat like that for a long time. Unfulfilled lust hung in the air and they both didn't know what to do next. At last, when their wanton subsided they started walking back towards the grounds of Hogwarts, hand in hand.

OoOOOOOOOOOOOoo

"Sirius, I…I like someone else." Arabella admitted her head down.

Sirius was hurt, whether he would like to admit it or not, he felt ditched for the first time in his life.

"Who?"

Arabella didn't answer. She wasn't about to say it was his best friend. She tried to tell herself that's Sirius didn't really like her. He just wanted her for sex, right? But he did look sort of hurt.

"Is it Remus?" he snapped.

Arabella kept her head down, but nodded.

"I understand." Sirius said.

"Besides, you don't really care," Arabella stated coldly "There are plenty of other girls you can fuck."

Sirius was fuming. How could she say something like that?

"You know what? Fuck You…" Sirius said and slammed his hand on the table before leaving.

Arabella tugged him back.

"I'm sorry; I didn't mean it that way…"

"Oh yeah?" he asked raising her eyebrows.

She nodded. For some reason, she didn't want Sirius to be mad at her. She regretted having been so harsh with him. She shouldn't have acted so cold towards him. She was sorry now.

Suddenly, the doors of the Grand Hall burst open and there Remus was walking with Alexis at his side. She was holding his arm and they were both smiling and laughing. Arabella felt as though someone had punched her right in the gut and she visibly paled. What the hell was Remus doing with Alexis? Alexis was doing all this on purpose, she knew that Arabella liked Remus! What a bitch!

Sirius then turned around to see what Arabella was so upset about. When he saw, he smiled sadly.

"Guess we both got ditched today," he whispered in her ear before leaving.

Arabella stared at his retreating back. He was right, they've both been ditched, but at least he was ditched for his best friend. She was ditched for her worst enemy: Alexis.


	11. Chapter 11

**Thanks to all the reviewers. I appreciate it a lot! Im really happy with the number of reviews I got for the last chapter considering I hadn't updated in a long time. Btw im sorry, its just cuz a lot of stuff has come up lately and I haven't found time to write as much as I used to. I'm really sorry. Hopefully, everything will clear up in a couple of weeks and ill b able to update as regularly as before. Thanks again to all of you guys reading out there!**

**Disclaimer: I own NOTHING everything belongs to Jk. Rowling. This is entirely fiction! I only own Alexis lol**

Arabella was staring at Alexis and Remus. This totally sucked. They were pressed really close together and they were both smiling at each-other. Why was Remus with her? What game was Alexis playing at? She just felt like going over there and ripping her head off! Didn't Remus know what he was getting himself into? He surely knew, he couldn't be that ignorant of the capabilities of Alexis.

Right then, Tommy decided to sit next to her. He was Arabella's ex-boyfriend and she hated him.

"Hey Bella," he crooned. "How have you been doing lately?"

Arabella made a sound of pure disgust. Why was Tommy talking to her now? He hadn't talked to her in ages. What the hell did he want?

"What the hell do you want?" she asked him still staring at Alexis and Remus.

They were chatting and then, oh my god, Alexis pushed herself on the tip of her toes and kissed Remus on the cheek. Arabella was fuming by now. How could Remus not see what kind of person Alexis was? There must've been a reason for that. That's when Bella decided to go over there and talk to Remus, she didn't know about what though. She just wanted to see him smile to someone other than Alexis. She made her way over to them and stood patiently next to Alexis.

"Hi Bella," Remus said smiling at her.

Score!

Bella blushed. "Hi Remus," she said smiling back at him. "Have you seen Lily and James?"

"No, sorry," Remus answered. "Where did they go?" he added with a frown.

Bella laughed. "I don't know, that's why I was asking you…"

Remus suddenly turned serious and he was fidgeting from foot to foot.

That's when Alexis calmed him down by placing her hand on his arm.

"Is there something wrong?" she asked Remus.

"No, nothing's wrong."

"If it might help, I saw Lily and James walking towards the Gryffindor Tower." Alexis said suggestively. "I think I know what they might be doing there…" she added with a smirk.

"Who asked you?" Bella snapped at her.

"Well…no one." Alexis answered sadly and squeezing ever so slightly Remus' arm.

"So shut up."

Remus placed his hand on Bella's shoulder. Her heart skipped a beat. But as soon as she saw a frown plastered on that beautiful face of his, she gulped. What did she do this time?

"Arabella, there's no need to be so aggressive, Alexis was merely answering your question."

Just then Alexis smirked and tugged Remus closer. He let her do with him as he pleased, he didn't see all she was doing while he wasn't looking. Alexis raised her eyebrows to Arabella as if telling her: ha-ha look what I can make him do and you can't.

Arabella was about to cry. Alexis was annoying her so much. She felt herself becoming red of anger and had to control herself not to jump at Alexis' throat and choke the poor girl to death. Just then, at that moment, Alexia made a movement with her hand as if she was dismissing her. Oh! The nerve of that girl! Bella couldn't take it anymore and raised her hand against Alexis' cheek. She brought it down with as much force as she could muster, but she was surprised to realize that her hand never made contact with her foe's cheek. Remus had caught it in mid air.

Remus was glaring at Arabella now. Arabella felt as thought he had just ripped her heart in a million pieces. It wasn't fair! Why was he always taking Alexis' side? How could he not see that she was a two-faced bitch? It made her want to punch a hole through the wall and scream. But she couldn't believe that Remus was actually GLARING at her. He never glared to anyone before…he just had to do it 2 her, didn't he?

"What the hell is your problem?" Remus asked her angrily letting go of her hand. "Why does everyone always have to solve things with violence? What was that for?"

Arabella stared up at him, her heart beating very fast and her eyes swelling up. A huge knot was in her throat and she couldn't seem to say a single word.

"I-I…" she stammered.

She knew that if she pronounced one more word, she would start crying. She didn't want to cry in front of Alexis or even in front of anyone so she decided to run away. She ran the only place she felt safe, the only place that could promise her a bit of solitude. She ran off the grounds and out next to the lake.

OoOOOOOOOOOOOoo

"You know what? I think this is a bad idea Remus," Alexis sadly told him. "No one thinks I'm for real anymore…"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean that no one believes I want to change. It's too late…"

"No it's not. I believe in you," he answered softly. "I know you can do it."

"Why are you so nice to me?"

"Because I believe everyone should get a second chance."

Once Remus said that, Alexis' heart skipped a beat. This guy was so sweet with her. Did anyone ever believe in her like he did? She didn't think so. Somehow, it hurt her that she was playing him like this, but whatever, she needed to avenge herself. There was no way that Arabella or Lily would walk out of this unharmed.

"Thanks Remus," she answered smiling sweetly back at him. "You're so sweet…"

Remus shook his head as he led her to the Gryffindor tables.

OoOOOOOOOOOOOoo

James was walking with Lily; they were headed towards the Gryffindor common room. She had no idea what he wanted to do there, but she felt safe. James knew she wasn't ready for anything big yet. Somehow, he was waiting for her. She couldn't believe that just moments ago, she had refused him; she didn't give in to his ministrations. She knew that was a first for him. She would bet anything that she was the first girl to ever had made him stop. After all, how could someone resist The James Potter charm? Lily smirked…I could, she thought.

James turned around and faced her.

"Why are you smiling like that?"

Lily blushed bright pink. "It's nothing."

James smiled at her and pecked her on the lips before giving out the password to the Fat Lady.

"Come on, I want to show you something." He said and led her to his dorm room.

"What do you want to show me?" she asked curiously.

"You're so curious…" he said and smirked at her.

"Hey!" she answered and slapped him playfully. "No, seriously, what do you want to show me?"

James groaned. "Just shut up, you'll see in a moment."

Lily's mouth opened indignantly. How dare he tell her to shut up! She didn't want to feel as if he was the dominative one in their relationship (or whatever the hell you would call it.). She wanted to be his equal, not someone you can just shout orders to.

"Don't tell me to shut up." Lily said looking at him seriously.

James looked at her for a second before a smile broke onto his face. Lily heart started to beat faster at this. He was smiling! In one swift moment, James had brought her closer to him so they were now tightly pressed together. She had then placed her arms around him also. She could feel the muscles of his back flexing with each movement he did. God, her knees almost bucked.

"Feisty," He murmured against her parted lips "I like that."

Her eyes closed, but just then, as she wanted to abandon herself in his kisses, he was gone. Her eyes opened again and she saw him enter his room.

"You're such a…" Lily said, but had no idea what to say.

How could she describe James? He was arrogant, mean; soft…I mix of everything. The only thing about him was that he seemed to be lost. Lily didn't think he even knew what he was. He was struggling so hard to be someone who gives out the impression that he doesn't care about other people, but Lily figured out that in fact, he was just scared. He was scared of getting hurt. Lily, for one, knew that she couldn't hurt him. She didn't yield that type of power over him.

"A what?" he asked raising her eyebrows at her suggestively.

Lily shook her head and dismissed the subject. She didn't want to spill her thoughts to him yet. It wasn't the right time.

Lily saw him going towards the window of his room and opening it completely. He placed on leg over the edge and was urging her towards him. He was offering her his hand. What the hell was going on? Lily stepped back.

"W-what are you doing?" Lily asked panicking.

"Just trust me." James said calmly. "Do you trust me?"

Lily nodded and walked over to him. She could see that he was holding his broom in his other hand. He was going to fly! At that thought Lily's heart raced. She was so excited. She loved everything hat had to do with flying and the weirdest part was that, she loved heights and speed. She had always wanted to try out for the Quidditch team but never got around to it. She was too busy with other things. At that moment, James got on the broomstick and had urged Lily on it too.

She out one foot over the other side ad seated herself in back of him.

"Hold on to me, or you'll fall."

Lily looked down. She was so far off from the ground, maybe a hundred feet or so. The thought of falling from this high made her shiver. James felt it.

"Are you scared of heights?" he asked.

Lily laughed. "No… I love heights."

James turned around and smiled at her. "Good."

Once he said that, he flew up, even higher then they were before if it was possible. Lily loved the feel of the wind beating against her hair. It made her feel so alive. The only thing she didn't like was being on James' broom. She would have rather preferred being on her own broom. She would have felt much freer. She then looked at James, he was smiling like crazy. She guessed he loved flying also. She wasn't surprised though. Anyone who would have seen him play Quidditch would have realized that. He was so passionate about it. It was one of his main interests in life…the other one was, well it was sex, to Lily's dismay.

Just then, when they were still high in the air, James reached back behind him and trailed his hand on Lily's thigh. Lily jumped as the unsuspecting spark coursed through her body. There was something so erotic about being the only ones up here, not a soul knew where they were. They could do anything right now if they wanted.

"Are you alright?" he asked.

"Y-Yes", she stammered.

Now she felt so stupid! He probably thought she just stammered because she was afraid, when really it was his touch arousing her.

At last, she saw his stopping near the top of the Astronomy tower. She wondered what he would do. Just then, he stopped and landed on the roof of the Tower. The roof was amazing. It was just slightly inclined, almost flat, but not quite. It was impossible to fall however unless someone pushed you over the edge.

They were so high up and she could see all of the Hogwarts grounds from up here. She got off the broom and went towards the edge of the roof. She looked down and she was amazed at how high they were.

James then walked up behind her and started kissing her neck tenderly as his hands roamed up and down her arms to keep her warm. It was pretty windy up here, but she didn't care. She couldn't feel the cold with him behind her like that. He probably thought she was shivering because of the cold, when really, it was him doing all this to her.

"How do you find it?" James whispered in her ear and continued kissing her neck.

Lily let her head rest against his shoulder to give him better access and she placed her hands on his.

Lily took in all the scenery. The lake, the grounds, the sky, the horizon…it was so beautiful it took her breath away. The best part was that she was sharing this moment with James.

"It's beautiful…"she breathed.

"It's only a couple more minutes before the sun goes down, do you want to stay?" He asked against her neck as he bit it gently. Lily's knees almost bucked. Was it really almost six o'clock? Wow, time passed by quickly today. She had to finish her potions homework. Tomorrow was Monday and she had an essay due.

But then, she looked up into his deep eyes and knew her answer. After all, who could resist James Potter? She knew that she couldn't…not right now anyways.

"Yes," she answered him.

She saw him smirk and it made her smile too. She wondered what he was thinking…

God, James couldn't stand it anymore. He needed her now! Why did she have to wait? It got on his nerves so much. He couldn't stand it right now. He still couldn't believe she didn't want him. She actually told him to stop. That was a first for him; he didn't know what to do of it. All he wanted to do was to take her right here, right now. But then again, she was a challenge and James loved challenges, except that he never had a challenge that took him so much time before and convincing. Lily was the first girl who had ever come with him on the roof. Normally, he would be alone and he would smoke a cigarette or something, but this time he was going to seduce her. He needed too. Back there, he had a couple blankets they could lie down on as they would watch the sunset. Girls loved that kind of corny stuff, didn't they?

Without realizing it, Lily would also be caught in the moment and she would give herself to him. Not that he will take her roughly. He also wanted her to enjoy it. He wanted her to want him too. For some odd reason, he actually wanted her to give herself to him. He would feel flattered. Tonight, she was gorgeous. Her long red hair hung in loose strands on her shoulders and down her back. They were flapping with the wind around her head and she was desperately trying to keep her hair out of her face. Her cheeks were red and her lips were smiling at him invitingly.

Oh and he wasn't one to turn down that invitation. He looked down at her and took her lips with his. It was decided. Tonight, he would finally have Lily Evans.

OoOOOOOOOOOOOoo

Arabella looked out onto the lake. It was so peaceful, so silent. She felt alive again. She couldn't believe how stupid she had been to believe one second that Remus liked her. It wasn't true. He never did. Right now, he liked Alexis, it was obvious…or at least he preferred her. Well, she thought, I guess what goes around comes around.

She had done the most horrible things to Lily this past year; she guessed she sort of deserved all this right now. The worst part was that she accepted it. At first, it hurt like a bitch to know that she could never be with Remus, but now, she didn't know anymore. If he believed everything Alexis had told him, then she guessed he wasn't what she had thought him to be. Actually she thought she had just been infatuated with the person she thought him to be.

She was actually beginning to see clearly now. The silence in the area she was in now, gave her some solace and some peace of mind. It made her feel great again. From time to time, it felt good to be alone.

Somehow, Arabella couldn't stop the tears to flow freely down her cheeks. No, what she was feeling wasn't hurt or anything like that…it was regret. She wiped the tears away as more dribbled out of her eyes. It wouldn't stop, but it wasn't her fault. Her hands gripped the grass she was sitting on. She felt horrible. She wasn't crying because of Remus, she was crying because of Lily. She couldn't believe that Lily had to endure what she was enduring now. She just tried to imagine having her best friend ditch her in the period of time where she needed her most and it hurt her to no end. She felt like such a bitch, she deserved all the hurt she was feeling now. She wanted to be punished for the horrible person she had once been before.

A huge lump was stuck in her throat…she needed to scream right now. Release all the pent up emotions she had bottled up inside of her. She started crying harder. At the moment, she was curled up in a ball; her arms were around her legs and she was rocking from back to front. She regretted it so much. If she could have turned back time, she would have done it and restarted that whole phase she went through with Alexis. She just wanted to be there with Lily when she had needed her most.

Arabella got up on her two feet weakly. All the crying had drained all the energy from her. That tight knot was still in her throat, and there was only one way for her to let it all go. She screamed. She saw the lake, so peaceful, so silent and it bothers her even more that something could seem so peaceful and silent when she was feeling all this turmoil inside of her. It just wasn't fair to her.

She screamed again and this time, her scream made her shiver. It didn't sound anything like her at all. It sounded so angry and frustrated. It made her feel better somehow though. She faced the water and again she screamed, this time louder and stronger than anything she has ever done before. It lasted maybe thirty seconds but it felt as if it had lasted forever. She felt the anger slowly leave her body with every second of that shout. It slowly left place to some sort of peace of mind. She lied down on the grass again.

The sun was finally setting. It was so beautiful. Her mouth was open and she was gasping for breath. She breathed in the fresh scent of the air and closed her eyes for a moment…just a moment. Without realizing it, she had slowly drifted off into a deep slumber.

Sirius had been looking for James all evening now and he couldn't seem to find him. He couldn't find Lily either, he might as well go look for them. He made his way to the lake; he knew James loved it there when the sun was setting so maybe he was there with Lily.

As he made his way, he saw a figure sprawled on the grass. As he approached, he realized it was Arabella. Her long dark hair was spread out around her head and those intense eyes were closed. Her dark lush lips were parted slightly. She was sleeping. Sirius couldn't help but admire the scene in front of him. It was the first time he ever saw Arabella so calm. Every time he would see her, she would always be yelling at him or throwing insults his way. He was glad he could actually enjoy her presence without all the other inconveniences.

He lied down next to her and watched the sun go down slowly. In her sleep, he saw her shivering of the cold. He looked at her and decided on being a gentleman, and he covered her with his jacket. She smiled in her dream and leaned against him, her head resting on his chest. He smiled inwardly. If she would have been awake, she would have never done that. She hated his guts for no apparent reason. He was seemingly very attracted to her both physically and mentally. He loved her feisty replies, her arrogance; it all reminded him so much of him. He knew that she would be able to handle him that way and he knew that he would be able to handle her, like no other person would.

But then, when he saw how deep she was with him the other night at The Astronomy Tower, he was intensely fascinated of her. How could someone who appears to be so hard and arrogant from the outside, end up being so intense on the inside. They were opposites in that domain. She made him realize a few things about him. She made him realize how superficial he was before. How everything was always about sex. And hopefully he made her realize a few things too. Hopefully, he made her realize that not a whole relationship is based on the compatibility of both personalities, but also the physical expectations also. Both elements in a relationship are essential. You need to be as attracted physically as you are mentally.

There needs to be a certain balance in a relationship. He thought that Arabella and he would be able to meet those needs. He damn well knew that he was attracted to her physically and he also knew that he was very interested in her mentally too. He was attracted to both parts equally.

Suddenly, he got ripped out of his thoughts as she started stirring beside him. He smiled sadly, thinking of her reaction once she would realize who she was lying on.

He saw her open those beautiful eyes of hers and sit up. Once she saw him, she froze.

"Sirius?" she mumbled.

He smiled.

"Hey," he answered. "I'll be leaving now." He said and got up to leave.

Arabella then grabbed his sleeve. "Please don't."

Sirius was very surprised to see Arabella actually asking him to stay. "Ok." He answered and sat next to her.

For a couple minutes, they were both silent, not sure of what to say or do. Finally Arabella spoke up.

"Do you come here often too?" she asked him.

"It depends, when I'm feeling down…" he answered shrugging.

"Yeah, me too."

"What were you feeling down about?" Sirius asked. "Was it because of Remus?"

"No, not really. At first yes, but after a couple minutes of reflection I realized that I didn't really care anymore. I liked Remus for the person I thought him to be. What I really felt bad for, was all the things I was making Lily go through for the past year."

Sirius nodded.

There was also then another moment of silence. Sirius realized that their hands were touching each-other. His thumb was gently rubbing against the back of her hand. He turned towards her and he saw her blushing as she looked away. Sirius smirked, that was always a good sign. If the girl blushed, it meant she was embarrassed or turned on. And by the looks of it, Sirius would bet anything that she was turned on.

He bent his face towards hers. By now, it was dark outside and it had started to get chilly. He looked at her through his intensely dark eyes and decided on asking her a question.

"For you, in a relationship, what's the most important thing?"

Arabella looked him straight in the eyes with her equally intense ones and answered his question calmly…betraying the way she felt inside. Her heart was beating fast, he knew it. He could feel it.

"In a relationship, I find the most important things are the physical and mental attraction you feel toward your partner. Both have to be equally important for me." She whispered

Sirius smiled. That was exactly what he had thought earlier. He knew she thought the same way as he did. He had a feeling and he was right, as usual. He took her chin between his fingers and tipped it slightly. She stared back at him, the same intent readable in hey eyes. But then, just like that, he saw a spark of fear. She then ripped her gaze away from his and turned her face to the other side.

"What's wrong?" He asked her.

"Nothing." She answered shivering slightly.

"Something is obviously wrong…tell me."

She locked her gaze onto his and whispered something inaudible that he couldn't understand.

"What was that?"

"I'm sorry." She answered a bit louder this time.

Sirius' heart skipped a beat at this.

"For what?"

"I'm sorry I've been such a bitch with you. You didn't deserve it at all."

Sirius nodded. "It's okay…don't worry about it." He said dismissing the subject.

"And also, for one more thing…" Arabella added smirking.

Oh, Sirius thought. What was she going on about now?

"What?" he curiously.

"I told Lily you were a horrible kisser."

"You did WHAT?"

Arabella then laughed.

"I told her you were like a human shower and that you slobbered all over me. I believe I also told her you had bad breath." She added amused.

Sirius' mouth was wide open, but then he quickly started laughing also. Damn, that girl definitely was something different.

But then, just like that, Arabella stopped smiling.

"Would you want to do it again?" she asked seriously.

"Do what?"

"Kiss me."

It was at that moment that Sirius pulled her roughly towards him and placed his hands in her beautiful hair. Though his ministrations were rough, his kisses were the softest Arabella had ever had before. They made her knees weak and she was losing herself in his arms with every second of it. It was at that moment that Arabella had wondered for the first time why she had ever liked Remus. Wait, who was Remus again?


	12. Chapter 12

**Hey Everyone! Sry it took so long. I have a lot of work to do for school and everything. I hope u like this chapter. I didn't get many reviews for my last one though. I suppose I deserve it since I haven't been updating very frequently. I lot of things have come up and im terribly sorry for the wait. Anyways I hope u enjoy this chapter and hopefully I will get more reviews this time around: p! Oh yea and MERRY CHRISTMAS!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own anything! J.K Rowling owns all the characters except for Alexis.**

**THIS CHAPTER IS RATED R FOR SEXUAL CONTENT LATER ON IN THE CHAPTER. I WILL INDICATE WHEN THE SCENE TAKES PLACE WITH ""!**

_CHAPTER 12:_

Lily was lying on James' chest. They were both snuggled under the blankets together. Lily has never felt so peaceful in her entire life. She was somewhat scared of what James was doing to her. She knew he was scared too. James' fingers were now slowly caressing her skin, making her shiver in awareness. The fingers on his other hand were holding the cigarette that he would bring to his mouth from time to time.

She snuggled into him even more if that was possible. Lily's never felt a stronger need to be held before. The whole scenery, the sunset over the calm quiet lake, the grounds of Hogwarts with some kids running around it. Lily placed her hand on his waist as he placed his around her shoulders.

"Are you cold?" he asked rubbing his hand up and down her arm.

She shook her head. "The blankets are fine." She whispered.

Then suddenly, James got up. He was staring at the grounds next to the lake then suddenly, he started smiling.

"That prat," he whispered to himself.

"Why, what's wrong?" Lily asked curiously.

"Cant you see?" James said pointing to two tiny dots next to the lake.

"No…"

James laughed. "Its Bella and Sirius. They're snogging."

Lily smiled. She always knew Bella had a thing for Sirius ever since she told her that Sirius had kissed her that night in the Astronomy Tower.

"I knew that would happen." Lily said smiling.

"So did I," James stated smiling down at her.

She stared up at his intense light eyes and couldn't help but wonder what would become of them in a couple months. Is she still going to feel for him? Will he still feel for her?

All these questions lay themselves in her head and would torment her from time to time. She couldn't imagine not being with him anymore. It hurt her deeply to imagine so. She couldn't imagine never being able to look up at those intense eyes and feel such a swelling feeling in her chest. Just imagining that made her feel empty and broken.

"James…" Lily murmured.

He bent down, placed his forehead over hers and closed those intense eyes of his. Their mouths were just inches apart. She inhaled the smell of him. She loved his smell. It was a mix of cigarette and a musky scent that was always imprinted on every one of his clothes. She loved it. Sometimes, she wondered if she smelled a particular way. She hoped he liked it.

"Hmm…?"

She then placed her arms around his neck and for the first time, she leaned into him and pressed her lips against his. She stayed like that, not moving her lips, but just savoring how his lips felt like against hers. She wanted to imprint that memory, that feeling into her mind forever; just in case it would be the last time it would ever happen. He didn't make an effort to move his lips over hers either. He just stayed there, mentally giving her the lead. For the first time, he wanted her to lead the way. He wanted to see how it would go. How far she would lead them.

Lily then attentively nipped his bottom lip and ran her hands down his chest seductively. This time, James' control snapped. He couldn't take it anymore. She was deliberately trying to kill him. That was when he stopped her hands with his own and pulled away from the kiss.

"No, don't." he whispered.

"Why not?" she asked looking up at him confused.

"Don't start something you wouldn't want to finish."

"What do you mean?"

"If you start doing things like that, don't expect me to stop after."

Lily blushed deep crimson and lowered her head. She mumbled something he couldn't understand. He gripped her chin and lifted it gently.

"What did you say?"

She looked up at him and her green eyes were lighter than they ever were before. He stared down intently at her.

"Who said I would want you to stop?"

"You did. A couple minutes ago you stopped me." James said smirking.

"What if this time around, I didn't stop you?" Lily added with a smile.

James gave her a questioning look. Was she serious? She shouldn't fuck around with him like that.

"Do you mean that?" James asked seriously "Don't say that if you're not totally sure."

Lily looked up at him slowly. She was sure, but now it seemed as if HE wasn't sure about her decision. He probably thought she would stop him like every other time, but right now, she wanted him. Besides, 16 was an appropriate age to lose her virginity. She knew girls who already lost it a while ago. But then again, Lily always had a dream of losing her virginity to the man she would marry later on. James wasn't the type of guy she would see herself marrying. She didn't think she could trust him enough for that.

But then again, she had this huge need coiling deep down inside of her. She wanted to be as close to James as she possibly could and this was the only way she could get enough of him. She wanted him so much it hurt; she was still ravenous from his earlier ministrations and couldn't seem to put out the fire he had so easily lightened in her. He was right, in a way. She wasn't sure if she should go through with it, she didn't know where it might lead them afterwards. Would it be awkward? Would he compare her to past experiences? That's what she was most afraid of. She didn't want to be compared to the sluttiest girls in the school who have all had more experience than she.

Lily looked up at him then.

"James, I'm just scared." She mumbled.

James started smiling knowingly.

"We all went through that phase," James said smiling back at her. "You get used to the feeling after a while."

"That's not what I'm scared of," she stated stubbornly.

James frowned.

"Are you scared of me?"

"No!" she said horrified.

"Then, what the fuck is it?"

Lily blushed.

"James, how many girls have you ever been with?"

James was taken aback of the absurdity of the question and started laughing really hard. She was worried about the number of girls he's ever been with? That was ridiculous.

"I lost count," James said annoyed.

"See, you've been with all these girls and well…I'm not very…experienced."

James hugged her tightly to him and rolled his eyes.

"It doesn't matter to me," James said softly "I don't care."

"You say that now, but I'm sure you don't mean it."

James let go of her in an instant and pushed her away from him. She stumbled back, surprised of his reactions.

He went and sat where their covers were and turned away from her and started smoking another cigarette.

Lily was left confused and alone. What had she said that made him angry all over again? It seemed as if she was walking through a minefield every time she talked to him. She had to be super careful not to hurt him in any way. It was sort of starting to get on her toll. She was always the one trying to get him back, trying to make him like her. It wasn't even sure if he liked her in the first place. They weren't even going out. Even after all this time, they still weren't official. Did she want them to be official? Of course she did. But, did he?

"Why wouldn't I have meant that? Do you think I lied to you?" James said after a couple minutes.

"No, I-I," Lily stammered.

"You obviously don't fucking know me, so don't judge me like that." He snapped at her.

Lily was starting to become enraged also. Why was he being so cold with her all of a sudden? What a jerk!

"Well, fuck! Stop making it so hard for me then! I never know what you're thinking. Maybe if you would talk to me from time to time it would actually help! You obviously don't know me either!" Lily almost screamed at him.

James stared at her. It was the first time she actually got this angry with him. It excited him and he wanted to see more. Her red hair was falling around her shoulders and the wind was wafting her hair all over the place. Her face was red from anger and her eyes were the darkest shade he's ever seen them. She was beautiful.

"In fact," she continued. "I don't even know what I'm doing up here with you."

James shrugged.

Lily's lower lip trembled as she asked him calmly to bring her back down to the grounds.

"No," was his simple answer.

"What do you mean 'no'?"

"I mean, you wanted to talk didn't you? Well today's your lucky day Lily Evans. Now sit down and talk." He ordered.

Lily glared at him.

"What if I don't want to talk anymore?"

"You don't have a choice."

Lily walked as far away from him as she possibly could and just stared down at Sirius and Bella fooling around. Why couldn't James and she be like that? It wasn't fair. Why couldn't James be more like Sirius? At least it showed that Sirius liked Bella. James probably didn't even care for her at that point. Her eyes started to water and her stupid hair kept getting in her face because of the bustling wind. She felt so stupid, for having ever believed that James could actually like her.

He only wanted her.

Then suddenly, se was whirled around and she was facing James. He was staring down at her intently, searching her face for any sign of anger. He sort of cringed when he saw that her eyes had been watering.

He bent down and started to kiss her neck slowly. She let him do so, but she deliberately stayed impassive towards his ministrations. He held her a bit tighter, but none the less, very tenderly. When he realized she wasn't reacting to him, he stopped his ministrations and just laid his head on the top of her head.

"I'm sorry." he said slowly as if it took great will to get it out of him.

Lily looked up at him. He was saying sorry to her? Wow. That was definitely a first. She didn't think James ever said sorry to anyone before. He was apologizing to HER though. This made her feel kind of special and in a way happy too.

e then gripHe

She nodded.

"It's ok James."

He let out a sigh of relief and she let one out too. Things were getting pretty weird. James was changing and she wasn't sure if it was sincere or not. She didn't know if she should trust him or not.

That was when he started to kiss her neck again and this time she let herself go in all the feelings he was making her feel. How much longer before what they have die out? She didn't want to know.

OoOOOOOOOOOOOoo

"Ha-ha, Sirius stop!" Bella gasped between fits of giggles.

Sirius was on top of her and he was deliberately trying to kill her by tickling her to death. She was twisting and writhing underneath him and she was begging him to stop.

"If you don't get off me right now, I will _kill you_!" Bella hissed at him, but none the less laughing.

Sirius fake pouted and got off of her. "Fine." He said laughing

She sat up slowly and playfully punched him.

"Ouch," he complained, but smiling teasingly in her direction.

She smiled back at him. Who would have thought that things would have ended up the way they did? She would have never guessed that she and Sirius would have hooked up. It was so weird, but she liked it. She even started to like him. He was sort of like her, they thought the same way. Like she could be serious at times and playful at others and he could be very deep sometimes to. She thought he was a total goofball, but he wasn't. She absolutely had to stop judging people so fast.

After a while she lied him down on the grass and laid her head on his chest. She was looking up at the stars that had formed up in the sky. It was so much more beautiful than the Astronomy Tower.

"Isn't this so much better than the Astronomy Tower?" Sirius asked while playing with her long dark hair.

Bella laughed.

"That was exactly what I was thinking." Bella said.

"Great minds think alike," Sirius said smirking and leaning in to kiss her again.

She gladly accepted that invitation. When their lips met, Bella felt her heart clench. She really started to grow fond of him. He was gently playing in her hair while kissing her. He tugged on it gently and used her hair to angle her face the way he wanted to. He pulled away from her then and told her she was beautiful.

"Shut up Sirius, you're being corny." Bella said ruining the moment.

"Is it something that would make you want to have sex with me?" Sirius asked bobbing his eyebrows.

She rolled her eyes at how stupid he was.

"No." she said firmly, but smiling.

Normally, this would get her angry, because of past experiences, but not this time. She actually thought it was a bit funny.

"Hmm…then I guess we'll have to go through that dating phase shit, wouldn't we?" Sirius told me and kissed me. He pulled away just long enough to add: "Now isn't that a shame."

Did he actually want to go out with her? Sirius Black actually wanted to go steady with her? How weird…and exciting. She could never change him though. She knew it wouldn't last very long, but it was worth a try. What did she have to lose? Nothing.

She kissed him back with fervor. She tried to imagine herself going out with Sirius and she actually liked the thought. She liked the thought of everybody envying her because she was going out with Sirius. It would be so good. Then, all of a sudden, a wicked thought passed through her mind. Didn't Alexia like Sirius? Bella felt herself smirking. This was going to be good.

She pulled away from him slowly and leaned her forehead against his.

"Isn't it?" Sirius asked looking deep into her eyes.

"It most definitely is." Bella whispered back.

Sirius smirked then.

"I knew you would say yes." He added.

Arabella's mouth opened indignantly. He was so arrogant, but then again, she thought it was exciting. Her past boyfriends were all self conscious in some way and she found it so unattractive. She was glad that Sirius was different from her past experiences.

"So…are we going out now?" She asked awkwardly.

"Yes, I believe we are."

"Aren't we going kind of fast?"

"Pfft! Who cares? The faster I can get laid, the better." Sirius said jokingly.

Arabella pushed him playfully.

"You're so immature!" she said insulting him.

"But you agreed to go out with me anyways."

Arabella rolled her eyes.

"I can always change my mind."

Sirius bent down towards her and murmured against her lips:

"Would you really?"

He then switched positions with her so he was now lying on top of her with his arms on either side of her, enclosing her. It was the first time ever that Bella was underneath him end she loved the sweet pressure over her. It made her feel vulnerable to him and she loved the feeling.

"Mmm, I would consider it," she answered smirking slightly.

That was when he started kissing her again, only this time it was more intense. His right hand moved under her shirt and moved dangerously upwards towards her breasts. He didn't touch her though, much to her disappointment. He made her want it, which was his trick. He wanted her to beg him, he wanted to feel in control. She wasn't going to give him that satisfaction as he wasn't going to give her hers.

"Damn," Sirius swore.

"What's wrong?" Bella asked alarmed.

"You're not going to ask for it?" he asked playing with her bra straps.

Bella smiled sweetly up at him.

"No." she responded simply. "I never ask for anything, I usually just get it."

"Hmm," Sirius mumbled and got off her. "You're pretty arrogant."

She smiled up at him and laughed. "I know, so are you."

Sirius laughed with her and got up off the grass. It was starting to get late.

"A perfect conceited couple, aren't we?"

Bella laughed and accepted the hand he offered her.

"Do you want to come back to my room?" Sirius asked and raised his eyebrows, expecting her to say no.

"Sure," Bella said then smiled. "But you're not getting any. Not tonight anyways."

Sirius laughed.

"Who said I wanted to get laid tonight?"

"I know you do. That's what you want from me, isn't it? Sex?" Bella said staring at the ground.

Sirius picked her up. Placed her legs around his waist and held her up by her backside. She placed her arms around his neck to hold herself up, or else she would fall.

"I want everything, not just sex. When will you get that?"

Bella started laughing again.

"Quit being so corny with me!" she giggled.

In truth, she really liked this side of Sirius that she'd never seen before. He made her feel special. She tried to hide her emotions by laughing at him and telling him he was corny, when really she was very touched.

Sirius raised an eyebrow at her.

"It turns you on, doesn't it?"

Bella smacked him yet again on his back.

"I'm just teasing, calm down…" he said and started laughing.

"I am calm," She answered just before leaning down and placing a light kiss on his lips. "Let's go to your dorm now, I'm getting cold."

OoOOOOOOOOOOOoo

"I'm sorry Alexis, I can't do this," Remus apologized and pushed her away.

Alexis had just kissed him. What did she do? No, this wasn't part of the plan. It just happened. She lost control. This shouldn't have happened. What has she done? Now her whole plan was ruined. She just couldn't help but kiss him. He was so sweet and nice and he had his arm around her, she couldn't help it.

"I-I'm so sorry, I didn't mean it at all. I mean…well it just happened."

Remus patted her on the shoulder.

"No, don't worry about it, its ok."

"No, you don't understand, it really was a mistake. I don't want it to change anything between us. I mean, we're still friends, right?" she babbled.

"Alexis, it's fine really. Besides," Remus added blushing. "It wasn't all that bad."

That's when Alexis' heart started beating really fast. Did he just say what she thought he said? If he did, things would be so much easier for her.

"What do you mean?" she asked cautiously.

"I wouldn't mind, you know, doing it again."

Then, she didn't know how it happened, but they found themselves kissing. Remus' hands were on Alexis' lower back. Even though Remus wasn't all that experienced, Alexis thought he was an amazing kisser, the best she's ever had in fact. Hopefully, he thought the same about her.

Even though everything she was doing was to get back at Lily and Bella, she couldn't help, just for a moment, to forget about the stupid plan and focus all her attention on the gorgeous Marauder making her feel so helpless.

OoOOOOOOOOOOOoo

SCENE RATED R! Skip if u do not wish to read!

"Lily," James murmured against her bare neck.

Lily was having a hard time breathing. Things were spiraling out of control. Everything happened so fast. She didn't remember how, but she found herself without her shirt on and only her bra and underwear on. Her pants and shirt lay somewhere around the roof.

Even thought Lily was only in her underwear, it was the hottest she's ever been. She felt as if she was burning up. It was incredible what James could do to her. He also had his shirt off and he was so hot. His muscles showed so much. She felt his muscles flex beneath her touch and the sharp intake of breath he would take when she would caress him.

His hands were now rubbing up and down her sides, putting on fire everything he touched. She felt that need coil up in her nether regions and only a bit more would make her lose control completely. She wanted James to touch her there again, as he had done earlier, but he only seemed content with her upper body. He was kissing her neck, her collarbone and just on top of her breasts. He was going dangerously lower with his mouth and she didn't care anymore. All she wanted was to release all the sexual tension that was bottled up inside of her. He planted a kiss between her breasts and still continued lower. He dipped his tongue into her navel and that made her twitch. She couldn't take any more of this.

It was too much. His mouth had reached the elastic band of her underwear and still he was going lower. Lily's breath caught in her throat, anticipating what he might do next. All she could see was the dark head between her legs and she could feel his warm breath on her thigh. Suddenly, her hips bucked forward as his nose rubbed against her, right there, through the thin layer of garment. She let out a long moan and gripped his hair. She could feel all the tension building up inside of her. The feelings she was feeling were much stronger than what she would experience usually when they were fooling around. This time there was no turning back.

She didn't think she would be able to handle it. What if he let her like this. What if he left her on the edge? But then, his hands came down on her hips and kept them in place while he continued his ministrations on her. She was so close, he couldn't leave her now. If he did, she thought she would die.

"Please", she pleaded with a trembling voice, "Don't leave me. James please."

"Shhh", he answered, "I'm not going anywhere."

That's when she felt one of the hands holding her hips in place go lower and cup her mound. She arched into him, and he just watched her.

"Keep your hips in place", he ordered

"I can't", she murmured then moaned as he was bringing her closer and closer to the edge without ever going into her underwear. All he did was rub her. She could also feel his short breath coming in pants against the inside of her thigh. She was so close, she could feel it.

Suddenly she panicked. Something was coming over her, she was scared of that new intense feeling, so she started to fight it.

"James, no. Stop!" she mumbled writhing and trashing beneath him.

"Lily, stop fighting it. Trust me," he ordered her yet again.

The he lifted himself up and kissed her lightly on the lips while rubbing her even harder then before with his right hand.

That was when she let go. She felt her whole body tremble from the rippling sensation that was pounding through her veins. The tremors seemed to last forever, and James was always there, holding her, whispering things she couldn't understand in her ear. Finally, when the tremors passed, she looked up at James and couldn't seem to get enough air into her lungs. She was exhausted. It was like if all the energy's been sucked out of her. He seemed pretty perturbed also.

James kissed her lightly on the forehead and rolled off of her. She instantly felt the loss of his body against hers.

James stared at Lily. He'd never seen anyone come apart like Lily did. She was so sensual, so responsive. He loved the way she fell apart. Her eyes were closed, her head was thrashing from side to side and her back had arched off the floor. Her moan had been so raw and real, he still couldn't get over it. He had enough of her to have wet dreams for the rest of his life. He was still hard as a rock though, and it didn't seem as if she would be up for giving him the release he needed. Oddly enough, he didn't mind that much. Sure he would've liked it, but he wasn't going to force her.

After all, he did bring this upon himself. He was the one who started it. She didn't ask for him to make her come, but he did it anyways. And oh, he didn't regret it one bit.

He felt her snuggle up to him and place his arm around her shoulder. She loved it when he had his arm around her. She felt like his.

"James," she asked calmly. "What was that?"

He smiled down at her and responded with a smirk.

"It was your first orgasm."


	13. Chapter 13

**Hey Everyone! Im back with yet another chapter! I hope you liked the chapter before. I know the last line made some of you laugh. Im really sorry I haven't updated in a very long while. I broke my arm in a really bad snowboarding accident and I haven't been able to type very well. I hope you haven't abandoned this story just yet. And again, Im really SORRY! Ill be updating much sooner hopefully. This time it really wasn't my fault. Blame it on icy slopes and killer snowboards.**

"Sirius, I can't believe you!" Arabella giggled as Sirius deposit her on his bed and started to kiss her neck savagely.

"Well, what? It's not my fault you're incredibly attractive."

"Sirius, I told you that you weren't getting any tonight." Arabella laughed at him.

"I know," he said. "That doesn't mean we can't snog."

Arabella rolled her eyes at him and let him kiss her tenderly. She placed her arms around his neck and kissed him back with fervor.

He then placed his hands under her shirt and put them on her hip. He started to caress her hips delicately while kissing her at the same time. Arabella sighed; he was the best kisser she had ever had. They fit so well together, they were so synchronized it was driving her crazy. Arabella then placed her right leg around his waist. She wanted to be as close as possible to him.

Sirius groaned at that and he placed one of the hands inside her shirt on her leg and started kneading it.

Arabella then turned her head away from Sirius; she was beginning to be out of breath. She could see that he wasn't out of breath at all. He was probably used to all of this.

"You're already out of breath?" Sirius teased her.

"Shut up," she said between pants, but smiling. "I'm tired."

Sirius laughed and started kissing her neck instead. She closed her eyes and let herself be carried away by everything he was making her feel.

Then everything seemed to go super fast from that point. She didn't remember how, but his shirt was now off and he had started to unbutton hers eagerly. She arched into his touch once her shirt was discarded. It seemed his hands were many places at once, and she couldn't get enough air into her lungs.

But then suddenly, Arabella started to have strange visions. It wasn't Sirius over her, it was Tommy. Arabella froze in disbelief. This couldn't be happening, not again! He was starting to unbutton her pants, and his face was contorted with lust. Arabella was starting to struggle against him, but his grip was too strong.

"No, stop!" Arabella whimpered and started to arch her back trying to dislodge Tommy that was over her.

But it was to no avail; he had held her hands in one of his large ones and was trying to make her stop moving. She didn't want this to happen again. It wasn't fair, why did this have to happen to her? She started to cry suddenly.

"Please don't!" she gasped out.

"Bella, calm down," she heard a worried voice say.

Bella started to calm down; she was coming back to her senses now. She opened her eyes and saw Sirius staring down at her worriedly. This was Sirius, not Tommy. Why had she seen Tommy, and why had she remembered such a horrible memory?

"It's just me," Sirius said staring down at her with concern "It's ok." He added wiping away her tears with his thumb.

Arabella raised her arms and enveloped him in a hug.

"I'm sorry," Arabella replied.

"Shh," Sirius silenced her. "Just tell me what happened. I lost you for a second there"

Arabella turned her head away from him from embarrassment.

"I don't know."

"Is it a past experience?"

Bella nodded. Sirius thought out that it was something she didn't like to talk about, but he had sort of figured it out. Someone had tried to, or had raped her. Sirius was now enraged. How could someone do that to Bella? How could someone do that to anyone? It was horrible. Sirius vowed to himself that he would find the fucker that scared Arabella like that and beat him to a pulp.

"Who is it?" Sirius asked her enraged.

Bella then let go of him and pushed him away from her.

"What are you talking about?"

"Bella, I'm not stupid…" Sirius started.

"Sirius just shut up. I don't really want to talk about it." She cut him off. "I'd much rather do more…interesting things." She added smiling up at him suggestively.

Sirius smirked back at her. He really wanted to know what had happened and who had done it, but he wasn't about to refuse what Arabella had so graciously offered.

"Really?" he asked coming down on her. Their lips were now just millimeters apart and their noses were touching. He stared down in her soulful dark eyes and leaned down just a little bit so his lips were barely touching hers. "Or are you just trying to get rid of the question?"

Arabella closed her eyes and placed her hands around his neck gently.

"Maybe both," she whispered.

"Good enough. But you will end up answering my questions Bella."

OoOOOOOOOOOOOoo

**SCENE RATED R FOR SEXUAL CONTENT LATER ON! SKIP IF U DO NOT WISH TO READ**

"Thank you," Lily whispered to him and rested her head on James' chest.

James smiled and was trembling from restraint. God, he wanted her so much, he was going to explode. But, for the time being he wouldn't do anything about it. He was content just the way it was. At least, that's what he thought. He didn't want to push Lily into doing things she didn't want to do. That was weird, since he used to do that all the time with past experiences.

James lit up a cigarette with a shaking hand and played with her hair with the other one. Her hair was so silky that it would almost slip through his fingers like sand. Her hair was really long; it almost reached down her rounded ass. He could imagine himself gripping her hair as he would make love to her roughly. He groaned at that thought and held her hair tighter.

"James?" Lily murmured.

His long fingers were in her hair and were tugging slightly and caressing her scalp. She quickly closed her eyes and her heart started to beat faster. Oh god, she could stay like this forever. Lily's body was still tingling from the aftershocks of her orgasm. James was so complex. She could never figure out what he was thinking. It made her love him all the more and she wasn't sure if that was a good thing or not.

James suddenly let go of her and stood up. He reached down and picked Lily up from right off the ground.

"Let's go," James ordered. "I think its starting to get pretty dark."

Lily rested in his arms and placed her arms around her neck. He had brought them back down on his broom and they were now inside Hogwarts.

"Do you want me to bring you to your room?" he asked looking intently into her eyes.

Yes, she wanted him to, but she didn't want to leave him either.

"Sure," she answered looking up at him. "But if you want, you can stay with me, that is, only if you want."

James looked at her quizzically. "Are you sure?"

Lily nodded. Of course she wanted him to go with her. Once they arrived in her room she headed towards the bathroom to get changed. Luckily no one was in the room that night. Alexis wasn't coming in and Arabella was probably with Sirius.

She washed her face, brushed her teeth, put her boxer shorts on with a loose fitting top and stared at herself in the mirror. God was she ever ugly! How could James even stand the sight of her? Then again, sometimes when he was staring at her, he would make her feel beautiful. Just with the intentness of his eyes.

She smiled at herself in the mirror then stepped out of the bathroom only to see James lying on her bed with his head propped on his hand. He looked her up and down and smiled in approval.

Her short boxer shorts made her long thin legs stand out along with her shapely ass. It was also very obvious that she wasn't wearing a bra underneath her shirt and it made the blood rush to his groin. He silently groaned, not again. He felt like a caveman every time he was around her. She had that effect on him. Too bad he couldn't subside that effect the tiniest bit.

"Come here," he ordered her.

She hesitated for a moment, but James knew she would end up coming to him. She always did in the end. She took a couple steps forward and joined him on the bed. She lied down next to him and hugged him to her.

"Are you going to spend the night here?" she asked him.

"Only if you want me to…do you?"

Lily blushed deep red and said in a barely audible whisper: "Yes."

James smirked then and pulled Lily on top of him. Their legs tangled together and Lily's braid framed her face. She smiled down at him sweetly and lowered her head to give him access to kiss her.

"I'd much rather see your hair completely down." James said while undoing her braid and passing his fingers through her hair.

She sighed against him, she loved it when he played with her hair and caressed her gently. It made her feel his. Was she his? Were they official now? Lily didn't even know if James was considered to be her boyfriend. She didn't know if she was his girlfriend. Oh god, just thinking about being his girlfriend made her so happy; she couldn't help but smile at the thought. Or maybe they were just friends…who knew?

"James?" Lily moaned out.

"Hmm," he asked against her neck while gently kissing it.

Lily had a hard time trying to figure out how to ask him what she so desperately wanted to know. She had no idea how to approach the subject. Whatever, she thought, might as well be direct.

"James, what are we?"

James stopped kissing her neck and pushed her away from him gently. He looked a bit confused. Maybe he didn't know the answer to that as well.

"What do you mean?" he asked gravely.

What had she gotten herself into now? She could practically feel the tension build up in the room because of her stupid question.

"You know what I mean," Lily responded calmly.

"No, I don't." he snapped.

Lily felt like hitting herself on the head a thousand times. _Stupid, stupid, stupid!_

"I want to know what I am to you."

James then started to laugh. He was making fun of her.

"Why are you laughing?" Lily asked hurt.

Lily got off the bed and stared down at him with her arms crossed protectively across her chest. She seriously felt like crying, but she wouldn't. She wouldn't give him that satisfaction anymore. That's when he stopped laughing. He got off the bed also and started towards her. She was backing up away from him with every step he made towards her. Soon, she was against the wall and she was trapped. He roughly pushed her against the wall even more with his hard body. She was now crushed to him from top to bottom.

"You don't mean anything to me," he said coldly as his right hand moved towards her breast.

Lily would normally be very hurt in this case, but instead she was mad. He was lying, she was sure of it. Why would he lie to her? Why would he want to make her believe that she meant nothing to him? Did he take pleasure out of seeing girls get hurt? Lily was about to bet a thousand gallons that he did.

She glared at him and roughly tried to push him away. "Liar."

"I'm not lying."

"Yes you are."

James then started to laugh again at her feeble attempt to push him away. He was much stronger than she was.

"Get off of me!" she whined.

"No."

Lily then started to get really mad. How could he do this right now after all they shared this afternoon? He was still playing these mind tricks with her and she hated it. She felt as if he had closed another door right in her face again. He was pulling up his walls once more.

"Stop it!"

But James wasn't listening to her anymore.

"I know you don't want me to."

Lily's body was reacting in a totally different way that her mind was. Her body still wanted him, but her common sense fought against it. She could feel her nipples tighten and she had a feeling he could sense her arousal also. His hand went under her shirt and was moving dangerously upwards. She wanted him, but not this way. Not when he was playing with her and when she was upset. It was wrong, but yet it felt so good. No! She wouldn't let him have his way this time. She was through having him always win these mind tricks he played with her. She wouldn't allow it this time.

She placed her hand on his chest and pushed him, but he was too strong for her. He tried to kiss her but she turned her head away from him.

"Why are you fighting me off? That's not how you reacted to me this afternoon," he whispered in her ear.

She shivered in awareness, but was still determined not to let him control her.

"You weren't an asshole this afternoon." She grunt out.

"I'm always an asshole," he answered smiling.

"You're always trying to be one…when you're not."

"How would you know? You don't know the first thing about me," James snapped.

That's when he started to fondle her breast gently. She arched into his palm instinctively. He was too good with his hands. No! She had to stay focused. She wasn't going to let him manipulate her anymore. She was through with it.

She stared up at him with her big green eyes and told him the truth.

"I just know."

"Pftt, you don't know anything." He said his voice trembling.

He flicked her nipple with his thumb and she moaned unconsciously.

"I know you're not a bad person," she gasped out.

"You're out of your mind."

She shrugged. "Maybe I am."

That was when James roughly pushed her onto the bed and came on top of her.

"You can talk to me," Lily started but was cut off by James' mouth.

"No I can't. I don't talk to anyone. I don't need to."

Lily placed her hands in his hair. She felt bad for him. She felt as if he was lonely deep down inside. He was so detached from everything and he was trying to make himself believe that she didn't mean anything to him. She knew she did. They couldn't have shared what they did in the afternoon if he didn't care for her at all. He must've felt something for her or he wouldn't be going through so much trouble to try and convince himself otherwise.

Lily then understood she had to let him do this. She had to detach herself from him. He had to figure this out on his own. She couldn't help him on this one. She let herself go limp I his arms and she let him do whatever it was he needed to do. She wouldn't let him go to far though; she still had to protect herself.

He put his hands in her boxer shorts and pulled them down her legs roughly. Lily hated to see him like this.

"Stop it!" he groaned.

"Stop what?"

"Staring at me like that." James snapped.

James' hands roamed up and down her legs making her shiver. He caught the hem of her shirts in one hand and yanked it over her head. She wasn't wearing anything underneath and this made her feel vulnerable. She crossed her arms over her chest in an attempt to hide from him, but he pulled her hands away and held them in one of his big hands above her head. She looked up at him and saw that his eyes were the coldest she's ever seen them. She couldn't decipher how he was feeling. It made her feel helpless. She wasn't scared of him, she trusted him not to hurt her.

He lowered his head and placed a small delicate kiss on her neck, her collarbone, above her chest and he kept going lower. Lily was anticipating what he would do next, her breaths started to come out in short pants and she could hardly breathe. He had that affect on her. He took his shirt off and she gasped at the feeling of his hard body against her soft one. It felt so breathtaking. He went back up to her neck and kissed her a bit more roughly. He found her sensitive spot and started to suckle gently. Lily went wild; her hands went in his messy hair and held him to her. She wanted him to know that she was here for him. She wanted to make him understand that he could trust her. And she had to prove it by showing him that she trusted him completely, which was true. She knew he wouldn't hurt her. She had to keep repeating it inside her head so she wouldn't lose track of what she was doing here…making him trust her and making herself trust him.

She wasn't scared of him, not anymore. That was when she realized that he was the one that was scared of her. What could she do to make him realize she wouldn't hurt him? What would she want James to do if she were scared of him? She would want him to hold her.

"James," Lily whispered. "Come here."

James complied to her request and once he was level with her, she wrapped her arms around him in a warm embrace. She hugged him tight to her and was desperately trying to make him see what she was all about.

At first, he stalled. He was hesitating; Lily knew he wasn't sure what to make of this spontaneous embrace. As usual, he was trying to be his macho self.

"What the hell are you doing? Let go." He ordered trying to pry himself loose.

"No." she answered simply and tightened her hold.

"Stop it!" he snapped with a trembling voice and tensed up against her.

"No."

"You're being stupid, just let me go," he grunt out obviously impatient.

She didn't answer him just held on as tightly as before. She wouldn't let him go. She couldn't.

"Fine," he snapped and spread her legs wide.

Lily gasped at what he had just done. She stared up at him in shock. Was this how she was supposed to show him she trusted him? Was this how he would end up trusting her? She closed her thighs together tightly against the pressure he was putting against them. What should she do? Should she let him go? Or should she let him do whatever it is he wanted to do?

James then started to laugh and used one of his hands to unclench her thighs. Lily whimpered against his hand. She wasn't ready for this just yet. She didn't want this to be this way. He was doing all these things _to_ her, not with her. She felt very much abandoned, but she still couldn't imagine letting him go now. She had to go through with this. She absolutely had to show him.

"You made this decision, I warned you."

He spread her legs farther apart and positioned himself between them. He placed his hands in the elastic band of her panties and tugged on them lightly, letting her know his intentions.

"No!" she protested automatically and thrashed beneath him.

"Then let me _go_," he hissed. "And I'll stop…"

She knew then what he was doing. He wanted to intimidate her in what she was the most inexperienced in. He knew everything about what they were doing now, and she had no idea. He wanted to scare her away. She wouldn't give him that satisfaction. She went limp against him and stopped trying to fight him. She was trembling slightly; she was still a bit scared. After all, this was the first time she'd really ever done this kind of thing before. She didn't know what to expect. She wouldn't let him go though, that was definitely out of the question for her. She's gone this far, might as well finish the job, she thought.

When he realized she wasn't fighting him anymore, he stilled and looked into her eyes to try and read any sign of hesitation. He couldn't see any. He could see that she was a bit scared and at the same time driven. She knew what she wanted, with him. No! This wasn't what she wanted. She wanted him, but she didn't know what kinds of consequences that would bring her. He had to show her how he really was. He wasn't the perfect boyfriend, far from it. He was demanding. She had to realize that. Hopefully, once she knew what he was really like, she would leave him alone. James didn't quite know what he was doing right now. He supposed that he was teaching her some kind of lesson.

Even though he would hate to admit it, he didn't want her to let him go. No one had ever really held him like this before. No one had actually cared for him the way she did. She had opened herself completely to him and she was asking the same thing from him, but he couldn't do that. He wasn't that open. Whether he would like to admit it or not, he was scared.

_No!_ He thought wildly. He wasn't scared. He stiffened even more against Lily now, but her hold on him was still as strong. James knew that he could force her into letting him go, but he wanted to know how far he would go before she finally decided on loosening her grip.

"I'm not letting go." Lily said calmly staring up at him.

James swore. "Fine, have it your way then,"

He placed his fingers in the elastic band of her panties and tugged them agonizingly slowly down her long legs, all the while staring into her big dark green eyes. She started to shiver, but James knew she wasn't shivering from the cold.

He felt her hands shift around him and he thought she was finally going to let him go. A wave of disappointment filled him, but he didn't know why. Wasn't he supposed to be happy she was letting him go? But just when he thought her grip was loosening, she tightened it even more, letting him know that she was still with him and she wasn't going to leave him.

He pressed himself into her a bit more and bit down on the place where her neck met her shoulder. Her nails were now digging into the skin of his back, and he loved the feeling.

"What the hell do you want from me?" James asked his voice trembling a bit from restraint.

"I want everything," Lily has managed to breathe out.

"No you don't," James growled. "You really don't."

"James, I know what I want, and I want everything. I'm not just here for a quickie."

"Really?" James snapped at her and discarded any last bit of clothing he had on.

Lily nodded and tears swelled in her eyes. No, she wasn't supposed to cry. She was supposed to be calm, determined. She couldn't help it though. She hadn't wanted her first time with James to be like this. She didn't want him to be angry with her. She loved him, why couldn't he just see that? Why couldn't he trust her?

Once James saw the tears in her eyes, he softened. She was doing this for him, he realized. She didn't really want to go through with it. But why was she going through so much trouble for him? It didn't make any sense to him. He felt a slight tugging at his heart, but quickly dismissed it. He was going to give her one last chance, and be damned if she didn't take it!

"Are you sure?" James asked her positioning himself over her and kissing her neck gently.

Lily wiped away some of her tears with her arm and nodded.

"I'm sure." Lily whispered.

OoOOOOOOOOOOOoo

"I've already gotten Arabella taken care of," Alexis smirked to her friend Trixie. "All I need now is to take care of Lily."

Trixie was a gorgeous Slytherin. She had long blonde hair, dark eyes and very feminine features. She had a 'fuck me' look to her. Guys swooned at her feet, but she's always wanted the one guy she knew she couldn't have: James Potter. Oh god, just saying his name made her swoon. Here Alexis was telling her about the ingenious plan she had for Trixie to finally have her share of James Potter. Trixie couldn't refuse.

"How did you take care of Arabella?"

Alexis smirked. "Let's just say that her man is mine."

"Who's her man?" Trixie asked with her perfectly arched eyebrow raised.

"Remus Lupin."

Trixie gasped. Alexis was going out with Remus? She thought Remus was way too good for someone like Alexis. How could Alexis have managed such a thing? Wow, the girl must be good.

"Ok, so what's your plan?" Trixie asked intrigued

"To give James exactly what he wants."

"Which is?"

"Casual sex. That's what James is always after. No strings attached."

"But, what about that redhead he's always with?" Trixie questioned.

"She's not giving him any."

Trixie then smirked. "So I'm going to relieve him of the tension he's built up since he's been with that redhead."

"Exactly."

"But, I don't get what you're getting out of all this…"

"I'm getting revenge."

"But wait, how do I get him to sleep with me?"

Alexis laughed. "You won't force him into doing it, just tempt him. Trust me; it'll be easy enough with your good looks."

"That is true," Trixie smirked.

What Alexis and Trixie didn't know was that Arabella no longer loved Remus, she liked Sirius. And James Potter well, he was soon to be satisfied...with Lily.


	14. Chapter 14

**Hey Guyss! Im sorry for the late update! I was a bit disappointed with the number of reviews I got, but it doesn't matter, it was entirely my fault. I hope you enjoy this chapter as much as some of you enjoyed the last one! And I would love some feedback on this chapter, what do U think will happen? I wna know soo leave a comment and constructive criticism plz! Thank you. thusispeak And it might be about two weeks before I post again, Im going to Italy with my class TODAY!**

**Disclaimer: I do NOT own any of the characters except Alexis, everything and everyone belongs to J.K Rowling!**

"It happened a year and three days from now," Bella whispered to Sirius' sleeping form. She was stroking his hair gently. Sirius had his arm around her protectively. He didn't snore, which was a plus for Bella. She hated men that snored.

"I was walking in Hogsmeade alone, which was kind of stupid." Bella continued. "The worst part was that it happened in the middle of the day."

Bella then started to feel tears well in her eyes from her confession. She had never told anyone what had happened before. Hearing herself say it actually helped her. It was a good thing that Sirius couldn't really hear her. It was an unpleasant thing to remember and it was painful to bring that memory up again, but she had to face it. Bella had tried to go on as if nothing had ever happened, but in the back of her mind, she knew that it had and that she couldn't eternally forget about it.

"I remember everything. I remember the way he smelt, I remember the clothes I wore, I remember his facial expression, I remember begging him to stop, I remember him laughing at me, I remember…" she took a deep breath. "I remember him lifting my skirt, I remember feeling him inside me, I remember it hurting so much, I remember that crooked smile of his and worst of all, I remember feeling so helpless and u-used while…while he stole my virginity in a way I'll remember forever." Bella's tears were now falling silently down her cheeks and onto the soft pillow. She didn't even try to wipe the tears away this time.

She hadn't cried about it when it had happened. She had put it in the back of her mind and had dismissed it completely. Once in a while it would come back to haunt her, but she had already closed herself up in that shell of hers. Nothing could get to her from that point on. No one except Sirius of course. With him, he actually cared about her; he actually wanted to know about her past. She couldn't dismiss it anymore. Back when it had happened, she had completely ignored all the hurt she was feeling since Alexis took so much place in their friendship. With Alexis, it was always about Alexis and no one else. She could manage to keep all the attention off herself, which was a good thing at the time, but in the long run, it would just come back to haunt her until she actually faced it.

What had happened, she now understood, wasn't her fault. It was completely out of her control. What she did control however was the way she would deal with it afterwards. Whether she would like to believe it or not, what had happened was now a part of her. It was a part of her that made her stronger and more mature, in a way. Right now, she had to let it all out, instead of keeping all that unleashed anger and hurt inside. She had to face it once and for all. She got raped. She had to be strong about it or else she would suffer. She couldn't dwell on the past anymore. What she had to worry about was the present. The only problem was that she had no idea how to all make it better. It might be easy to pretend that everything was ok, but she couldn't do that anymore. She had to talk to someone about it, not just a sleeping someone, someone real who would actually listen to her and stick by her side while she went through the entire process.

She just didn't know who. She couldn't tell Sirius, he might just get annoyed and leave her. She didn't want him to leave her just yet; she wanted to keep him at least for a while longer. Maybe she could talk to Lily? But then again, Arabella needed to be there for Lily. She wanted to help her, not put another weight on her shoulders.

Whatever, Arabella thought, I'll figure this out tomorrow.

All she wanted to do right now was fall asleep in the strong, comforting arms of Sirius.

What she didn't know was that Sirius wasn't sleeping and he had heard everything Bella had just confessed. He wanted to be there for her. He wanted to help her through what she had been through. The problem was to get her to open up for him. That was going to be the hard part.

OoOOOOOOOOOOOoo

**SCENE RATED R!SKIP IF U DO NOT WISH TO READ**

James had positioned himself on top of Lily, he was going to do it. He had to do it. He stared down at her and realized her eyes were closed and that she was biting her lips nervously. She was scared. That's when James realized that Lily had a reason to be scared. She didn't want this, he thought. She didn't want to have sex with him. She wanted him to trust her, she wanted him to open up to her which was really hard for James. He couldn't just open up to anyone. The only people he ever talked to was Sirius and occasionally Remus and Peter. They were the Marauders after all.

He didn't know what to make of Lily in all this. Was she his friend? Was she his girlfriend? He had no idea. All he knew was that she trusted him so much and the truth was, he trusted her as well. He just didn't want to show it.

"Open your eyes," he ordered her softly.

She complied immediately and he could see the determination and the love she felt in her eyes. _Love_? Did she love him? That thought made his heart pound in his chest and sucked the breath right out of him. No one had ever loved him before. He didn't know how to react. The way he was acting right now sure didn't help matters. He was a total animal with her, he was mean and cruel, but yet, she was still here wasn't she? Was there something in him that only she could see? Because he didn't understand why she was still with him right now. Any other girl in her right mind would be running off at this point, with the way he's been treating her.

Not Lily. Instead she stuck by him and wanted him to trust her with all his heart. He didn't have a heart. Why couldn't she understand that? He didn't have anything to offer her. But she was still here, holding him, caressing him, staring at him with those soft green eyes of hers. She hardly even knew him. She didn't know how horrible he could be, she didn't know how hurt he was deep down inside, how lonely he felt. No! What was wrong with him? He wasn't lonely and he wasn't hurt! Why was he thinking all those things? This was all her fault. She arose in him all his insecurities and yet, made him want to actually change them for her. It was a weird feeling. He felt as if…how did he feel? He felt as though, as if he wasn't good enough for her.

He felt as if Lily Evans was too good for him. She was insecure and yet so amazingly confident. She was insecure about the way she looked but so confident mentally. She knew that right now, he would end up trusting her. She was determined and powerful. Him, on the other hand, was very confident physically but immensely insecure mentally. She made him feel so bad and yet so good. How could a girl do this to him? How could Lily Evans, major social outcast be of such an influence on him? It was impossible. He really needed to get laid. But he couldn't, not now anyways and not like this. He would do it when she wanted it, not when he wanted it and she wanted it FOR him. But the only problem was that if he didn't go through with it, she would have been right to trust him and he didn't want that. What was more important, her trust or his pride?

He didn't know. For so long it's always been about himself. He never used to feel preoccupied by other people. It kind of freaked him out a bit. He has no idea of how to react. So he did the only thing he could think of doing, he bent down and lightly kissed her.

"Are you sure?" he asked again against her lips.

"Yes James! You've already asked me," she panted out. "Just do it!"

James smiled a bit. But it was a nervous smile; she actually wanted to go through all this for him. He's never felt so nervous in his entire life and he's never ached for anyone the way he ached for Lily. Yet, here she was, open and willing and he was the one with a doubt in his mind. Did she really want it?

"It might hurt," James told her.

"I know." she told him smiling up at him nervously.

James lightly smiled back. Just do it, he though. It couldn't be that hard, he was right there, just a little more and he would be inside her. Just thinking about it made him shiver, so why the hell was he holding back? It confused him so much; he had no idea of what to do.

"Lily, if you want me to do this, you would have to let me go." James whispered to her.

"You're not going to leave me are you?"

"No," he replied huskily. "No, I can't."

She let him go then very slowly and he bent down towards her again and kissed her languorously on the lips. He was so hard he couldn't think straight, it was painful. He knew Lily felt it because her hips had started to lift towards him in an attempt to get him inside her. He wouldn't last very long with her doing that. He sat back and just watched her sprawled against her bed like that. She looked like an angel with her hair all mussed up around her head and on the pillow. Her body was the lightest shade ever but had a pinkish glow to it. She was excited, scared and willing. He could tell as much by her body. Yes, he was that experienced with women. He knew she felt embarrassed with him staring at her like that, but he couldn't help it. She was so beautiful.

"James, please," Lily pleaded.

James leaned over her with his hands on either side of her head.

"Tell me what you want,"

"I want you," she exclaimed. "All of you."

"No you don't,"

She took his head in her hands and made eye contact with him.

"Yes, I do."

He felt his heart pound faster and then he slid his hands from her slender waist to her long shapely thighs.

"Spread them for me." He asked gently.

She complied immediately to his demand. She was so hot for him right now, he could feel it. That only fueled his already raging needs. He hand moved very slowly towards her inner thigh, drawing slow lazy circles, getting closer to where she needed his touch the most. His other hand was tugging gently at her hair, angling her face so he could kiss her more easily. Her bare thighs were rubbing against his, trying to get more of him, he knew.

He could hardly take it anymore; he wanted to pound into her again and again until he finally found his release. He stroked her between her legs, heard her gasps and sharp intakes of breath and knew she was ready for him. God, she was so excited, he could feel the heat radiating of her. He pushed one long finger inside of her and he almost came right there. She was so tight, it would feel so good to feel her inner muscles clenching around him like that. He bent down; just mere inches above her face, watching her change of expressions as he brought her again to an intense orgasm with the fast pull and retreat of his finger and the soft stroking of his thumb on the place where she needed it most. She was incredible, so responsive of his touch, it was driving him crazy. Her back had arched off the bed and she was whimpering against his hand.

Lily wanted him so bad; she needed him inside her now. Oh god, she loved him so much, she couldn't breathe. James was so beautiful. He was over her and staring down into her eyes. She could see that he wanted her also; she could feel him growing against her belly. She reached down and gripped him in her hand, he was so incredibly soft. She heard his sharp intake of breath when she squeezed him just a little.

"No," he told her moving her hand away. "If you do that, I won't last much longer."

She nodded at let him go. She wanted him to last, but then again she wanted to give him pleasure as well. God she loved him so much, it was tearing her apart. Her eyes had started to water; she never wanted him to leave her, she wanted to be with him like this forever. Tears had started to fall freely down her cheeks now. She couldn't help it, she loved him.

His shaft was positioned at her entrance now. He looked down at her, saw her crying and pulled away completely.

"No," she cried out and hooked her thighs around his waist. "Don't leave me like this."

James looked down at her worriedly. "Are you sure about this?"

Lily nodded furiously which caused her flaming red hair to be tossed all around her hair. James' breath caught in his lungs, she was beautiful. Why was she crying though? He pushed the tip of himself into her, and heard her gasp in anticipation, he hoped. She looked up at him.

"James…" she started staring up at him so intently.

"Yea?" he asked her just barely keeping himself from pounding into her again and again.

He pushed in a little more into her and heard her sharp intake of breath. He was just there, a little more and he would break the piece of skin that kept her innocent.

She looked up at him, stared him down and emotionally took a huge risk.

"I love you," she has silently whispered.

She immediately felt him tense up.

"What?" he asked her.

"I love you," she repeated slowly.

He closed his eyes as if in pain and when he opened them again, she could see the anger in his eyes.

"Don't."

"Don't what?" she asked him confused. She loved him, why was that so bad? She didn't understand. He had the right to know how she felt, didn't he? And she had the right to share this with him mere seconds from losing her virginity with him, didn't she?

"Never say that," he told her.

"Why?"

"Just don't!" he snapped.

Lily could clearly see the detachment and hurt in his eyes. She didn't understand why he was feeling this way. Why was he hurt that she loved him? He didn't believe her? She didn't understand. She was so confused right now.

Lily nodded. She would ask him about it later. But suddenly he was pulling out of her. No! He couldn't leave her like this right now. She needed him so much. She needed his touch so much. Her legs were desperately trying to push him back inside her, but she knew he was leaving her. And she hadn't even done anything wrong. She just told him that she loved him. He detangled himself from her strong grip.

"I can't do this anymore." he told her getting off her bed.

"Why not?" She asked her voice trembling. "Don't you dare leave me like this!"

He gave her one long look and picked up his trousers and jeans before pulling them on his straining erection.

"I'm sorry."

Lily placed her arms around herself protectively. How could he do this to her? Why?

"Why?" she asked him.

"Don't think I don't want you, because I do."

"Then why are you leaving?" she asked him angrily. She was still in fire and she was still burning for him. And obviously, so was he.

"You said you loved me."

"Yes I did. I do James. I love you." She repeated. She could only tell him the truth. She wanted him to know how she felt.

"Don't say that." He ordered her again.

"James, please come here," Lily pleaded her voice trembling while holding out her arms to him. Her heart was clenching just watching him put his clothes back on. How could he leave her on edge like this? He was killing her here.

"I can't."

"Why?"

"It's not fair to you," he had replied simply.

"What do you mean it's not fair to me?" she asked confused.

"You love me."

"So? I don't understand…"

"_Fuck_ Lily! Stop it. Don't you get it? Why are you being so stupid?" he snapped angrily.

Lily just stared at him with her mouth open. She knew that her face was etched in confusion. She was lost. What was his problem?

He bent down to her level and she saw his eyes were the darkest she's ever seen them, they looked hazel. Lily pulled the covers over herself protectively. She had a feeling this wasn't good.

"I don't love you, I never will." He said in the iciest tone she has ever heard him speak.

OoOOOOOOOOOOOoo

Bella slowly woke up from her slumber by a hand rubbing her back gently. She moaned into Sirius' touch. He was being so gentle that she sighed and turned onto her side to stare at him. It was almost around 2h00 am.

"Hi," she said playing with the ripples of muscles on his stomach. "That felt good."

Sirius smirked at her. "I know it did."

Bella playfully tapped him. He was so arrogant, but he had a reason to be. He was amazing.

"Now turn on your back."

"What?" She asked alarmed. What was he planning on doing?

"Just do it and relax. I'm going to give you a massage."

"Really?" she asked rolling onto her back.

"Yes," he answered and laughed. He sat on her side and began his massage.

At first he was tending to the taut muscles in her shoulder making her melt into the bed. She inhaled the scent on his pillow and it smelled like him. It was intoxicating to her sense, holding her captive in a world where it was Sirius and herself only. All she could think about right now was her and the gorgeous man next to her, making her a massage.

Sirius smirked to himself; she was relaxing into his touch. He took advantage of that and started rubbing lower and on her sides. Her shirt was bothering him though; it was in the way of him rubbing her soft skin.

"Can you take your shirt off for me?" he asked her gently. "You don't have to; it's just for your pleasure. It would be easier for me if you did, but if you don't want to, it's ok."

He wanted to make her understand that she was the one in control and that it was her call. He wanted her to know that she could trust him and that she was the one calling the shots, not him.

She tensed up a bit and seemed to think for awhile before she suddenly decided on slipping her shirt slowly over her head. She was wearing her bra under so she wasn't fully exposed from the waist up which made her feel comfortable also. Once his hands went in contact with her naked back, she shivered. His hands were so big and strong and were lighting a fire everywhere they touched.

"Sorry," he said and removed his hands. "My hands are cold aren't they?" he thought that she was shivering because she was cold.

"I wasn't shivering from the cold you idiot," Bella laughed softly into the pillow.

He smiled and continued rubbing his hands down her back. She moaned a bit when his fingers rubbed the dip of her hips. It was her sensitive spot. He just kept massaging her until she was almost falling asleep. Sirius then replaced his hands with his mouth. He started kissing her back gently and nipped her hip.

"Do you like it when I do that?" he asked pausing what he was doing to ask her if she was ok with all this. "Or do you want me to stop?"

"Please don't," she begged him. She wanted his mouth on her more than anything. It was so soothing and yet so energizing. She felt as if she came alive under his touch. She gasped he kissed his way up to her neck and bit where her neck met shoulder. It sent an electrifying jolt of sensations all throughout her body and more specifically below the waist.

"What do you want me to do?" he asked her gently nipping at her earlobe.

Bella understood that he was making her be in control of the situation so she would forget about her past with Tommy. It was working; she wasn't scared of Sirius anymore. He was being so gentle and caring that she couldn't even think of Tommy. All her thoughts were focused on this one guy rubbing and kissing her back so sweetly and torturously slow.

"Don't stop."

"Ok, just tell me what you want and I'll do it." He answered against her neck.

Bella could hardly breathe and he wanted her to explain all the things she wanted him to do to her?

"Touch me," she breathed out.

Sirius suddenly looked worried. "Touch you where?"

Arabella then rolled onto her back and stared up at him.

"Where do you think?" she asked him smiling slightly.

"I mean, I don't know if we should. I'm determined to take things slowly."

"Well I'm not."

"Bella," Sirius started.

"Shhh," she put her finger on his lips. "I know what you're trying to do here."

"Really?"

"Yes, you want me to trust you and forget all about what had happened."

Sirius nodded.

"Well it worked, so please, please do what I want. I don't necessarily want to have sex now, I don't know if I am ready for that now, but I am ready for other things."

"Really? What other things?" he asked smirking.

Bella lightly blushed and smiled up at him. "You know exactly what I mean."

Sirius laughed and kissed her collarbone gently and went lower. Bella passed her hands through his hair. He has such soft hair, she couldn't help touching it. He dipped her tongue in her navel and she giggled. He slowly kissed lower and soon he was at the waistband of the boxers he had lent her. She answered his silent question by tugging the boxers down. He looked up at her slowly.

"Now that's more like it." He whispered and kissed way lower.

OoOOOOOOOOOOOoo

James was slowly putting all his clothes back on while Lily was softly crying in the pillow. He did it again, he fucked things up. Well whatever, it was her own fault. Why did she have to ruin things between them? Why did she love him? He slowly buckled his belt and shoved his shirt over his head. He spared one more glance at her before leaving. Her long shirt was only half decent. He could see very clearly the creamy expanse of her thighs and the swell of her breasts. It was all he could do not to run back into her arms and screw her senseless. God knew he still wanted her as bad as before. He had the huge bulge in his pants to prove it.

"James," she asked him sobbing softly. "Don't go."

James sighed and gave her a stony stare. The stare he had mastered over the years in order to hide the way he was really feeling. He opened the door to her compartment and he was gone.

He leaned against her door and took a deep breath to settle himself. He ruffled his hair, he was so confused. He couldn't believe she loved him. She didn't love him. She was exactly like every other woman. He wouldn't let her get to him though, he couldn't. A sob rose in his throat…_why_? He surely didn't care for her the same way she did for him, did he? No, of course not…he was James Potter after all. James Potter didn't fall for anyone.

Why was he breathing so hard? Why was a lump in his throat? He reached a trembling hand down and gently rested his hand on his straining erection. He wanted her so much, why had he walked away from her? He gently squeezed himself and gasped as he imagined it was her stroking him like this. He imagined her hand on him, maybe even her mouth and he shuddered.

"Well, if it isn't James Potter?" Trixie asked slyly.

This was her chance; she wasn't going to lose it. She got closer to him and saw his open his light piercing eyes. Her feet wobbled a bit at the sights of him. He was gorgeous. He hand one hand on his straining erection and was staring blankly at her. He didn't seem fazed by her scrutiny of his body and stayed right where he was.

She pressed herself against him and whispered hotly in his ear

"I can take care of that for you," she showed him what _that_ meant by moving his hand away and placing hers in its place. She started stroking him gently through the material of his jeans.

"Don't touch me," he snapped out and shoved her hand away from him.

"I know you want to…" she whispered again, unfazed by his reaction. She had been expecting that kind of response. Luckily, she knew exactly how to answer to it.

"How did you get in the Gryffindor tower?" he asked curiously.

She smirked "I have my ways."

This time James didn't push her away. He was feeling way too horny. He closed his eyes and he pretended for the entire time that it was Lily he was kissing and stroking.

OoOOOOOOOOOOOoo

Lily was lying on her bed crying her eyes out. Why did James always do this to her? Why was he like this? All the she said was that she loved him. Why was that so wrong? She placed her arms around herself protectively and sobbed softly. Suddenly the door burst open and Alexis came in. She was smiling, but when she saw Lily's face, her smile vanished.

"Lily, what's wrong?" Alexis asked concerned.

"Nothing, go away!"

"Is it something with James?"

Lily looked over at Alexis and glared at her. God, that girl could make her so angry!

Alexis nodded and understood, apparently.

"Listen Lily, I'm really sorry for what happened. I would never do it again, I swear. I've changed. Remus helped," she said smiling slightly.

Lily looked over at Alexis and realized that Alexis had changed after all. Her eyes weren't full of hatred anymore. She actually looked like a _nice person_.

"It's James, he left," Lily managed to choke out through her tears.

Alexis looked momentarily confused. "Why?"

"I said I loved him."

"Why is that so bad?"

"It's bad because apparently he doesn't love me, and he _never_ will." She answered and then started crying all over again.

Alexis just held Lily throughout it all. She rubbed her back and murmured encouraging words to her. Lily let herself be held. She needed the most tenderness she could get. It just hurt so much to know that the one person she loved would never love her back. She kind of knew that James didn't love her right now, but she always had a hope that he would later on. Guess she was wrong…

"You know what I think you should do?" Alexis asked Lily innocently.

Lily shook her head.

"I think you should go see him, _right now_ and tell him exactly how you're feeling. Honesty and communication is the most important thing in a relationship. And I'm sure he didn't mean what he said. He's probably going to say he's sorry, in the end."

Lily nodded. Alexis was totally right. She needed to talk to James right now. She needed to like she needed her next breath. Lily untangled herself from Alexis' hold.

"Thanks Alexis," Lily muttered before leaving a smirking _very_ satisfied Alexis behind.

Lily was running towards the boy's dorm. She knew people were looking at her funny, but she didn't care anymore. The only thing she cared about right now was James. She loved him; she wanted him to understand that. He didn't have to love her; she just wanted to be with him. She had realized so much about herself since the day that she had started to see James. He had taught her so much! She didn't want to let that go just yet.

She was in front of his door. This was it, she absolutely had to barge in there right now and just tell him how she felt. She had to. Her heart was hammering in her chest and her hands were shaking. She had so many butterflies in her stomach that she thought she would puke.

Suddenly her entire body tensed, what did she just hear? Was that a moan? She had just heard a girl moan! And it was coming from the Common Room. Lily slowly made her way down the stairs, her heart hammering in her chest. The moanings were getting louder and louder. She got to the bottom of the stairs, and made her way to the common room. When she got there, she wished she hadn't.


	15. Chapter 15

**Hey Everyone! How are you guys? Italia was AMAZING, it was so beautiful, I have to go back some day. I hope u like this chapter, I was really happy with the reviews I got for the last one. Thank you for being patient with me and still sticking with my fic even though Im kind of slow with the process of updating. SORRY! Anyways im sure you don't want to read what I have to say! You all want to know what happened so let's get on with the story. Just one more thing…a lot of you said that u think that Alexis being this mean is unrealistic, but id like to say that its not. I've had this kind of experience with people in my life before. MEAN people! Just that in real life, they are less direct about it. BUT since this is fiction, I made it more direct, more obvious; it was meant to be more of an image you know? Anyways ON WITH THE STORY!**

**Disclaimer: I do NOT own any of the characters or Harry Potter, they belong to Jk Rowling.**

Lily was lying on her bed in utter shock. How could James do that to her? Lily didn't want to cry. She really didn't, but once she saw James in bed with Trixie, she couldn't help it. It was all too sudden, too big of a shock. She tried to make the image of James lying down with Trixie on top go away, but it just wouldn't. Trixie's devilish smile, his groan of satisfaction, the color of his eyes as he reached an orgasm with the blonde Slytherin, the way he just stared at her as if he wasn't affected one bit by her presence was just all too much. She had retreated to her dorm in a state of utter shock and disbelief.

How could he? After everything they've shared? How could he not care one bit? Thank God she hadn't given herself to him or else she would have been regretting it. She hated crying for him, she despised herself for crying for such a prat. It hurt to cry, every single one of her tears burned. Never, never again would she ever fall for one of James' tricks. He had already duped her several times before; she would never allow it to happen again. How dare he? She loved him. She had told him she loved him! How could he be so cold?

Lily hurled the pillow against the wall and broke down. She hated how she felt for him. She hated how she didn't hate him. She hated the fact that deep down inside, she knew she still loved him. What did she do to deserve this? She had lost everything precious to her. Her parents and now James. How could he? Lily felt as though her heart had been shattered and a huge lump was in her throat. All she wanted to do was scream.

She lied down on her bed and just stared up at the ceiling. Her tears had stopped running down her cheeks and she had stopped crying. The pain was still there, but she just didn't have the power to cry anymore. It was all too much. She just lied there, strangely detached from everything around her. She didn't want to think anymore about James Potter. She didn't want to think about anyone anymore. It was over for her. No way was she ever going to trust anyone again. Nor love. It was too dangerous. There was only one thing she should concentrate on right now. Her studies. It was the reason she was here wasn't it? She had to prove to everyone how she wasn't useless. There was something she was good at. She knew that if she paid attention in class, if she did her homework, there was a way she could get back at James. She would be the best of her class; she would earn her prefect badge again. Lily smirked sadly at the idea. She knew she could do it. For the first time in a very long time, she was determined to prove it to everyone…including herself.

OoOOOOOOOOOOOoo

James sighed as Trixie brought him to the brink of an orgasm. It had been so long since he had gotten off. Once he spotted the blonde hair sprawled against his chest, he was disgusted though. He had let her manipulate him into sleeping with her. Once he had spotted the red hair from across the room, he knew he had done something unforgivable. His heart knotted at the sight of her wide eyes and pale figure. He had screwed up. He wouldn't let it get to him though. He returned her cold gaze and watched her run back into her dormitory. He had to fight the urge to run after her and explain that it was all just a misunderstanding, that he had done a mistake. No, he had too much pride. That would teach her not to tell him that she loved him.

Well at least he knew she didn't feel the same about him anymore. Somehow, it felt wrong. It didn't feel right. He was felt like a jerk for the first time of his life. He knew he was a bastard and he was mean, but he had never felt it before. Why was this time any different? He didn't understand.

Well too bad! She knew he wasn't perfect. He warned her that she shouldn't love him. He had told her, but she didn't listen to his advice. It was her own fault. She's the one who got him all worked up then drove him to fuck Trixie. It was her own fault. It wouldn't have happened if she had just shut her trap the moment he was going to enter her. God, just thinking about being right there at her entrance gave him shivers. He still wanted her. He wanted her as bad as he did before. His feelings towards her hadn't changed one bit. He needed to have her. He needed to find a way to get back to her again. Wait, why would he go through so much trouble for her? He didn't care. He didn't dare care. It was dangerous to love someone. Love? Who had ever talked about love?

James shivered. He despised that word so much. He despised it so much since he had never had the chance to feel it. He didn't believe in it. How could he? He grew up in a broken home where his mother had hardened him to the point where he couldn't feel anything. He couldn't love, couldn't care. He had learned that those feelings were made for weaklings. Everyone who felt wasn't a man. He had leaned unfortunately to deal with pain as well. He tensed as he remembered past events he had kept hidden in the back of his mind for so long. He didn't want to remember that. He didn't want to experience all that hurt all over again. He closed his eyes and took in a deep breath. How was he going to fix things? He didn't think he ever could, he had really screwed up.

He stared down at the bitch lying on top of him and felt disgusted with himself. How could he have slept with a Slytherin? His mind was probably too lust-fogged to think properly, but it didn't matter really. She had gotten him off so it was ok. What wasn't ok was that the entire time they were doing it, he had imagined it was Lily on top of him and riding him. And that is what had sent him over the edge.

OoOOOOOOOOOOOoo

"How could he do this to you?" Bella asked her friend angrily. "The nerves of this guy!"

"I don't really care anymore," Lily lied.

"But still!"

Lily laughed sadly. She didn't want to talk about this anymore. A day had passed since the incident and she was desperately trying to forget about it, but it was hard since everyone kept talking about it.

"We were supposed to go on double dates! You, James, Sirius and I. It would've been so much fun!" Bella whined. "But no, James is too big of an idiot! God! It frustrates me so much!"

"Bella, it's ok. Can we stop talking about it? I don't want to dwell on the past anymore. It's over now. I'm totally over it."

"Are you really?"

Lily's eyes started to water. "Yes."

Bella looked at Lily sadly. Lily couldn't take the sad looks anymore. She had to go somewhere else. She couldn't take people looking at her pitifully. Maybe she should go out on the lake where no one would see her. Everyone seemed to have heard about what had happened. Everyone was talking about it. It had been a day since the incident and she hadn't talked to James at all since. She had seen him from the corner of her eye, watching her. She didn't turn back; she acted as if he didn't exist. She was determined not to ever speak to James Potter again. But it was so hard…

She couldn't stop thinking about him, he was everywhere for her. She constantly felt as though he was always with her, watching her every move, but she knew it didn't make much sense. She just couldn't believe everything was over already. He made her feel so alive, so happy. She was scared she would never feel that way again. Love the same way again, but then again, if she couldn't love that way once more, at least she was saving herself from getting hurt once more. She didn't think she would be able to handle so much hurt again. She was through with it.

"Bella, I'm going to go for a bit of fresh air, ok?"

"Do you want me to come with you?"

Lily shook her head. She needed to be alone for awhile. Bella seemed to understand her request and gave Lily a tight hug before Lily left her room.

Lily didn't know where to go. She didn't really want to go outside anymore since she just realized it was raining and she would get cold. Lily opted then to go to the library. She would start her studies for that Potions test she had the next day. She needed to get a good grade if she wanted to be an auror. Her average absolutely had to get better. Maybe she could make it. Maybe if she worked hard, she could end up being one of the top of her class. Maybe James wouldn't have to tutor her anymore. Lily absolutely had to make the Transfigurations professor understand that Lily didn't need a tutor anymore.

She didn't think she would be able to stand being in a room alone with James anymore. She didn't think he would appreciate it much either. Lily was determined this time. She would prove to everyone just how capable she can be. She'll prove it to James and make him regret doing that to her. She smirked at the idea. She didn't think James would ever regret doing that to her, but it was a nice thought none the less.

Oh no! But there he was, right in front of her, walking right at her. She turned her head away and made an attempt to just try and walk past him. Her heart was hammering at her chest and she had to really concentrate to not return that steamy glance he was sending her way. Suddenly, he was gently gripping her arm, pulling her towards him. The contact of his fingers on her arm sent a jolt of electricity throughout her body and a surge of desire pumping through her veins. She had to hold herself back from flinging herself at him and begging him to take her back.

_No!_ It was that image that made Lily realize how much she had become dependant on James and how much she wanted to grow out of that dependence. She was through with him…for good. Lily did her best to push that desire to the back of her mind and concentrate on giving her best stony glance. She wanted to make him believe that he didn't affect her, that she wasn't crying her eyes out yesterday and that she didn't care about him anymore. She wanted him to believe her to be indifferent to him from now on. She didn't want him to think she hated him, but she didn't want him to think she still loved him either.

She turned to look at him and she saw that burning desire he had for her last night shine bright in his eyes. She breathed in like she normally would and looked him over once before asking calmly and very politely:

"Can I help you?"

James looked taken aback. He had never seen a look of…blankness from Lily before. Lily saw that desire in his eyes turn to confusion and then suddenly to disgust. He let go of her arm brutally and started to stride away from her. Lily let out a strangled breath as she saw him disappear down the hallway. She smiled to herself. She had actually rejected James Potter! Lily felt so relieved; she had control over her life again. It felt so good!

Lily was still smiling when she got in the library and opened her potions book to study. She couldn't believe she had just sent James Potter away! It felt good in a way to be in control again, to be independent, but then again she also felt a bit empty. That was it; James Potter and herself were truly over. She remembered suddenly how handsome he was and how good he felt on top of her and then she pushed the thought aside immediately. She didn't want to think about James anymore so she decided to study instead.

She told herself she would study for about an hour and then go back to her dorm, but then one hour turned into two and then she was slowly drifting asleep on her potion's book.

Remus walked into the library looking for this book that he needed for Herbology, but he found something much more interesting instead. Lily Evans was sleeping on her potion's book. Remus smiled at the sight. She was so adorable with her flaming red hair sprawled all over her book and the table. He had a strong urge to pass his fingers through it slowly. He had heard about what Alexis had done, what her plan was and he was very disappointed with how he fell for her stupid trap.

He couldn't believe that he had let her manipulate him into thinking that she actually liked him. He had even started to like her too; he was heartbroken and felt immensely stupid.

He sat down next to Lily and started to slowly nudge her awake.

"Lily?" he whispered.

Lily moaned in her sleep. _James…_

Remus stalled. Did Lily just moan? He suddenly became very hot and started stroking her fiery red hair gently. It was so silky through his fingers; he couldn't help but touch it.

"Lily, wake up." Remus nudged her again gently.

Lily opened her eyes and Remus gasped. Her eyes were such a smoky green, it was breathtaking.

"Remus?" she asked groggily

"Yea," he answered smiling. "You fell asleep in the library."

"Oh my god, how long have I been out?" she asked huskily. She had been dreaming of James again. Why? This wasn't fair! She wanted to forget about him, to erase him from her memory, but she couldn't. She knew she couldn't and that thought drove her crazy.

"Well I don't know how long you've been here, I just arrived." He replied calmly.

Lily nodded and to her horror, tears started to form in her eyes. No! Not now, she didn't want to cry for him anymore. It was over. That thought had her tears streaming down her face. It was the first time she cried in front of someone since the incident. Bella hadn't even seen her best friend cry. But here she was, exposing herself completely to Remus.

Remus seemed to understand why she was crying because he just sat next to her and pulled her into his arms. It was a friendly embrace, very warm and comforting. Lily just hung on to him and just hugged him back. She wasn't sobbing, a couple tears were rolling down her cheeks but that was still a lot for Lily. She didn't want to cry for James, especially not with Remus, his best friend, sitting right next to her. He was rubbing her shoulders gently and he was silent next to her.

"Shhh, it's ok. Don't cry over him, he doesn't realize how much he lost the other night."

Lily wiped away her tears slowly. Remus was right. She attempted to smile back at him, but she knew her smile was wobbly.

"Thanks. That's the nicest thing someone has told me all year."

"No problem," He replied kissing her forehead gently before untangling himself from her embrace.

Lily smiled back at Remus. He was such a good friend. He didn't deserve what Alexis had done to him. Lily had heard about it from Bella who seemed somewhat happy that Remus and Alexis weren't together anymore.

"Alexis doesn't realize how much she lost either."

Remus slowly smiled a sad smile. "I don't think she cares really."

"Then she's an idiot," Lily replied.

"Anyways, let's not talk about this ok? What were you studying…before you fell asleep." He asked her teasingly.

Lily playfully hit him on the arm. "I was studying potions. I'm getting an O this test."

"Oh really?" he asked cocking up an eyebrow.

"I really am."

"I'm glad you've gained confidence in yourself again."

Lily nodded, but she knew it was just a front. She was doing this to make everyone believe that she had changed, that she wasn't the same innocent girl anymore, but deep down inside, she still knew that she was the same old, boring, ugly and useless Lily Evans.

"Come on, let's go." Remus suggested pulling her to her feet. It's getting late."

Lily followed him arm in arm. Remus was an amazing guy, an amazing friend. Little did she know that he was thinking the same thing about her, except his thoughts weren't focused on being just friends.

OoOOOOOOOOOOOoo

James was fuming. How dare Lily totally blank him out? What a bitch! Whatever, he didn't care. There were so many girls out there that wanted him, he didn't need her. No he didn't need her…but he wanted her so bad. How could she just not care about him, while he was there thinking about her all the time, thinking about how he was so close to fucking her, dreaming of her in his bed giving him the best pleasure he has ever had. He's had more satisfaction from Lily than anyone he's ever been with before, even though she had never really gotten him off. Getting her off gave him pleasure as well, which never happened with other girls.

He sighed and took a cigarette out of his pack with a shaking hand. She said she loved him, but then the next day, she acts as if he didn't exist. What a bunch of bullshit. She never really loved him. In real, she was the one who had played him; it wasn't the other way around. James Potter has been duped. He hated her now. He hated her for doing this to him. She was just like all the other girls he's been with. But then again, if she was, then why did it feel so different with her? He didn't know what to do anymore. Why did he want her so much? It wasn't fair. Life was never fair to James, but then again, when has he ever been fair to anyone. This was probably Karma coming after him. Since he's been so horrible with other girls, he was doomed to want Lily. The only girl that drove him crazy with wanton was the one he hated now. He's always hated her, stupid redheads. But James knew this redhead was different. He never really hated her; he couldn't, not with the way she looked at him with her pleading eyes. He couldn't make himself hate her, and he hated himself for it.

He leaned against the wall and watched a couple people pass by him. The girls all looked at him now smiling temptingly. They knew he was on the market from now on, since news spread out that himself and Lily weren't a couple anymore. Were they ever really a couple? He couldn't say, but he had felt closer to her than any other one of his past girlfriends. She was the one he knew the most about. He knew her favorite color, her favorite class, how her parents died, and her qualms with her sister and her true friends. He also knew, and loved, the way she would bite her lip when she was nervous, the way she unconsciously plays with her long hair, the way she smiles shyly at him when he says something that makes her nervous. But what he remembers most of all was that moment when they were in her room, when she wouldn't let him go. Deep down inside, he hadn't wanted her to let go.

James disheveled his hair once more. What could he do to get her out of his head? He smiled at other girls that were giggling and looking in his direction. He motioned to the prettiest one in the group to come next to him. The girl suddenly gave James a seductive smile and strutted towards him.

"Hi James," she told him breathless, waiting for him to invite her to his room.

He nodded in her direction and pulled out a cigarette before lighting it up. He knew this girl. She was known to be an easy catch. He was already tired of Trixie and he needed someone new for now. He knew she would accept his invitation and yet he felt a bit nervous to ask. If she said yes, then that would be the second girl he sleeps with since that incident with Lily. It would create an even bigger gap between Lily and himself. Then he thought about how she had reacted with him, how she had totally blanked him out and he was angry at himself again. The entire point was to forget about her wasn't it? Yes, that is what he will do.

"My dorm?" he asked her while looking into her eyes intently, waiting for the response he knew would be positive.

The girl nodded and followed him towards the Gryffindor tower. When they arrived there, the girl pulled James towards her and began to kiss him passionately. She wanted the exact same thing as he did. She wanted a good fuck. Maybe she would be considered a whore, but then again, it's not as if she was the only one to sleep with James Potter.

James pulled her closer to him and kissed her back with fervor. He groaned into her mouth and blindly led her into his room. Once inside he started to take his clothes off while she was doing the same.

Just thinking about being inside her was driving him mad. He deposit her on the bed and closed his eyes. He started to kiss her neck and heard her gasp of pleasure. He loved it when she moaned. He drove into her restlessly until he heard her whimper. She was clutching at him as he drove her over the edge. He couldn't help but drive himself over the edge afterwards. Everything about her made him crazy.

James opened his eyes and faced reality. It wasn't Lily under him, it was another. A large lump was in his throat as he collapsed against the girl he took it all out on. He couldn't get her out of his head. He would never be able to if this continued. The girl lying under him shifted and he rolled off of her. She got out of the bed and put her clothes back on.

"Thank you," she told him and kissed him furtively on the lips. James turned his head around. He just wanted to be alone right now. He was disgusted with himself. How could he have fallen for her? He hadn't planned that at all. How could he have fallen for her? How the hell had he fallen for Lily Evans?

OoOOOOOOOOOOOoo

"Did you hear about what Alexis did to Remus?" Arabella asked Sirius.

"Yeah I heard. I always knew she was a bitch."

"I told Remus she was a bitch, but he didn't listen to me."

"It's because Remus has faith in everybody. He trusts people too easily."

"He didn't trust me when I told him," Arabella said grumpily.

Sirius turned her over and started bombarding her with kisses. "That's a good thing!"

Arabella was laughing her heart out. "Hahaha, why?"

"Because otherwise he would have been the one to be here with you, not me."

Arabella turned around when he stopped kissing her. She didn't know what to say. He was probably right though. She was madly in love with Remus when she didn't even care the tiniest bit about Sirius. She was happy everything turned out the way they did though. She was happy with Sirius, she knew he cared about her.

"What about Lily? How is she coping with everything?" Sirius asked her.

"I don't know actually, she seems sad, but she's determined to forget about James. How is James?"

"He doesn't really seem different, but I know something is a bit off."

Bella nodded. Suddenly Sirius stared at Arabella happily.

"What if we hook Remus and Lily up?"

At those words Arabella felt a little twinge at her heart, but she didn't know why. She was over Remus…wasn't she?

She tried to manage a smile in her confusion.

"I'm not sure if Lily likes Remus that way."

Sirius looked her over suspiciously. Bella gave him a wide smile so he wouldn't see right through her and read her thoughts. He had a knack for doing that.

"Oh ok then, but we'll see. I mean they seem to be getting along pretty well." Sirius responded. "Even if they're just friends, it would get their minds off Alexis and James."

"Yeah, maybe,"

"Bella, is everything alright?"

"Yes Sirius, everything's fine!" she told him while straddling his waist. "Stop asking me that question, I'm fine!"

He laughed at that and seemed to forget her past reaction to what he had said earlier. The important thing was that she was _his_ now and there was no way that she was ever going to be Remus'. Sirius knew how Bella felt about Remus, she still cared for him, but he had to make that stop. He wanted her all to himself, no one else. He was determined to make that happen.

OoOOOOOOOOOOOoo

"What do you want to do now?" Remus asked her wearily. He seemed really tired; she didn't know why he was so tired all the time.

"I don't mind," Lily told him smiling. "Anything really."

They were in the common room right now and they were debating on whether or not they should go for a walk outside. It was raining, but Lily loved the rain, Remus on the other hand didn't want her to get sick. How considerate of him.

Then suddenly, out of no where, Alexis grabbed Remus' arm. She smelled faintly of Butterbeer. She had been drinking and was a bit drunk.

"Remus, can I talk to you? Please?" she slurred.

He sighed and looked at Lily so she could help him out of this awkward situation, but she looked away smiling. Remus would kill her for that later.

"Please, I really need to talk with you. Please," she slurred again.

Remus looked at Lily.

"I'll be up in my room, come get me when you're done."

Remus nodded in her direction and turned to face Alexis. Lily silently laughed at Remus, poor guy. He would have to face a drunken Alexis. Maybe Alexis really did care for Remus, but Lily would never be able to forgive Alexis for what she did to her. Alexis had done her enough harm for one entire lifetime.

Lily opened the door of her room and stepped inside. Right before she went in, she heard someone come up behind her in the stairs. She turned and expected to find Remus, but she internally gasped when she was face to face with James Potter. His hair was disheveled; he looked exactly like all those times where he would be alone with Lily in their rooms. Old memories flashed back in her mind uninvited and it was that spark in her eyes that had James moving towards her. She attempted to close the door back in his face, but he was too strong.

"Just let me in," he ordered her.

She shrugged and opened the door wide for him to enter. He stumbled back…he was used to her hesitation and fear. Why wasn't she hesitating around him anymore?

She sat on her bed and stared up at him determined. He closed the door behind him and stared back at her. He leaned against the door and crossed his arms over his chest.

"Well? What do you want?" Lily inquired.

If it wasn't for the rapid pulse at the base of her neck and the dark flush of her skin, he would have thought that Lily's hard and dry tone was very dismissive. But he knew her, he knew her reactions and he realized that right now she was aroused. She liked it when he got down and dirty with her.

"I want you."

Lily then started to laugh coldly. "That's weird…when you do have me, you don't want me and when you don't have me, you want me again. Have you ever maybe considered the fact that maybe I don't want you anymore?"

She walked closer to him, she was shaking on the inside, and he knew it. But he admired her courage greatly. She got closer to him and kept her face mere millimeters from his before whispering: "It's too late, game over James."

He shivered at her close proximity. He had missed her, he wanted her so bad. Maybe if he had her once, he could get her out of his system. He just needed to fuck her once, just once! He grabbed a fistful of her hair and arched her neck so it was exposed to him, to his burning lips. He had missed tasting her as well. It wasn't the same with all the other girls. They were all dull to him, they weren't complex the way Lily was. He hated her, yet he wanted her. She arose in him old memories he wanted to forget, yet she also made him want to create new memories he would want to cherish forever. He was revolted with the way he was acting. He was acting like a little boy again. No! He swore he wouldn't ever again. He bit her neck and he heard her intake of breath. She made no attempt to push him away, yet she made no attempt to pull him closer. Her indifference drove him absolutely crazy.

He slowly made his way to her bed dragging her with him. She pushed away from him, looked him straight in the eye and pulled her shirt over her head. His eyes bogged out. When had Lily become so direct? He pulled his shirt over his head also. Lily then smiled at him. It was a cold smile, but he was way too horny to pay attention to it. What really had him worried were her eyes. They weren't full of emotion as they normally always were, they seemed empty.

She then proceeded to unbutton her flannel skirt. Her hands were shaking madly, but she knew she had to do it. There was no other way around it. Why not make him feel the way he had made her feel. She felt so odd, detached from her body as she slid her skirt slowly down over her legs. The way his gaze devoured her made her shiver in awareness. No! She couldn't be aroused by him. Not tonight! She needed to do this; she had to make him taste a bit of his own medicine.

She pulled him onto the bed and came on top of him. He looked at her perplexed. She could feel his arousal on her stomach and she had to fight the urge not to touch him. She rubbed herself against him and he groaned. Lily then smiled.

"Do you want me?" she asked him.

"God yes." He whispered back and tried to lower her head down onto him. She pulled back from his grip.

"How much?"

"Fuck, I want you so much."

Lily then smiled at him and got off the bed still staring directly into his eyes. She started to pull her shirt over her head and her skirt over her legs.

"What the fuck are you doing?" he demanded confused.

"I'm putting my clothes back on."

"What the hell?"

"You heard me. I don't feel like having sex with you tonight. Maybe you could go find Trixie. I'm sure she'd be glad to solve that 'problem' of yours." She answered coldly staring at his crotch.

James was fuming. How could she do this to him? Then it hit him, straight in the gut. That was exactly what he had done to her the other day. She had emptied her soul to him and he had rejected her, leaving her unsatisfied and confused. Just the way he was feeling now. No, he wouldn't take it. No one could do this to him. He was the one supposed to do it.

He got off the bed and slammed her against the wall. She groaned when her back hit the wall behind her.

"Don't you dare leave me hanging like this." He snapped at her.

She looked up at him, and it was at that moment that he actually saw all the hurt and pain in her eyes. "Isn't that what you had done to me the night before?" she snapped back.

That look in her eyes had him moving away from her. He didn't want to know all the hurt he had inflicted on her. He didn't feel the pride he thought he would feel. Instead, it made him feel like ten different kinds of shit.

"Don't you dare look at me like that!" she almost yelled at him.

"Well fuck, what do you want from me?" James yelled back.

She looked him straight in the eye. He moved closer to her again and placed his hand under her shirt. His hands brought fire everywhere he touched, but she wasn't going to show that to him.

"Tell me you don't want me," James insisted. "Say it and I'm gone."

Lily hesitated. She knew that if she would truly tell him she didn't want him, that would be the end of her and James. Was she sure about this? His fingers played circles on her bare skin and she shivered in awareness. Then suddenly, her senses came back to her and almost knocked her off her feet. This was James Potter, the guy that had used her, ruined her, hurt her and broke her heart. He had cheated on her with Trixie, the Slytherin whore. And now he was coming back to her and she was accepting him. No! She couldn't. Not again.

She looked up into his eyes, determined. She tried to push away all the ripping emotions she was feeling, but it was so hard considering that he was staring at her with those intense blue eyes. She took a deep breath and jumped off a cliff.

"I don't want you."

Every single one of those words had burned her throat the moment she had pronounced them and proceeded to break her heart yet again. James pushed away from her, pulled his clothes back on and left the room silently.

Yes! He was finally gone, out of her life forever. That was it; she wasn't going to be tormented by James ever again. He wasn't going to play her ever again; he would finally leave her alone. He was going to forget all about her and she was to forget about him as well. He would never hold her again, never whisper soft things in her ear, he would never bring her on the roof of Hogwarts, and he would never make love to her…_ever_. She was so happy, really she was.

But if she was so happy, why was she trying so desperately to keep the tears from falling down her wet cheeks?


	16. Chapter 16

**AN:** ** Hey everyone. I haven't been able to post for awhile now, a lot has been going on and I haven't had much time on my hands. Thanks for all of the amazing reviews, I really appreciate it. I am very happy to say that my last chapter was the one that had the most success. I'm feeling pressured here trying to give u my all :). Anyways I hope you enjoy chapter 16 as much as u had the other ones. I really want to hear feedback from all of you. What do you think will happen? Why do you think James hated Lily? I want to know everything…what can I say, I'm curious. I might not update for awhile because I'm going on a cruise the 29th. I should be done when I come back the 10th, but I'm not guarantying anything.**

**----Thank you Irit for motivating me to write this chapter!---- **

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters; unfortunately they all belong to J.K Rowling except for some of the characters that are mine.**

**RATED R CONTENT LATER ON IN THE CHAPTER MARKED BY "…"**

Chapter 16:

"Lily, I am very impressed," the professor told Lily smiling warmly.

Lily smiled back at her teacher and looked at her grade. She had received an O! Lily was smiling all the way back to her seat and everyone was giving her weird looks. She didn't care what they thought about her anymore, she didn't mind the stares. Lily actually felt really good, for once. She saw James eying her from the other side of the classroom. She locked eyes with him and her heart stopped. She hadn't talked to him in days. Maybe they could be friends? Some day, if he wanted to.

"Hey, how much did you get?" Remus asked her smiling.

Lily laughed. "How much do you think I got?" she whispered.

"Like all the others, an O."

"Well, you're right." She told him smirking slightly. Lily felt smart. It wasn't the first time that she got an O. She had been working hard for her grades and she was happy that she was finally starting to realize that she wasn't so useless after all. Maybe she wouldn't give up her dreams of being an auror after all.

"Damn, I got an Exceeds Expectation…and I feel stupid."

"Remus, shut up. That's still really good."

"It's not as good as your grade. I think someone's jealous or at least mad." Remus told her nodding to the other side of the room.

Lily looked up to find James staring intently at her and Remus. She shrugged it off and pretended as if his icy stares didn't faze her. They always did. She couldn't believe that he was playing the victim here, when he was the one to hurt her. What did he want from her? She understood that all he ever wanted from her was to get her in bed. .

Lily spent the rest of the class daydreaming and wondering about whether or not she should tell James she wanted to be friends with him. It was really hard to avoid him when her best friend was dating his best friend and when she was really good friends with his other best friend. It always got awkward when they would sit at the table together and when Remus would be seen walking with her in the halls. She had to fix things with him otherwise it would be hard to keep hanging out with Remus or Bella. But most of all, the reason why she wanted to call truce with James was because she missed him.

She missed him. She missed his intensity, his touch, his smirk and she missed their time together. Maybe she could get some of that back if she was friends with him. Even though she's been avoiding him and ignoring him lately, she was ready to apologize, but would he accept it? There was a fat chance he would spit in her face…

The bell rang, interrupting her train of thoughts and bringing everyone in the class to stand up and rush towards the halls.

"Miss Evans and Mister Potter, would you please come see me for a moment?" The professor practically yelled over all the noise.

Lily's heart was beating so hard, she thought that it would pop out of her chest. What was the teacher going to say? Why did she want to see her and James? She slowly picked up all her stuff and rushed to the teacher's desk.

"Mister Potter, you have done a tremendous job with Lily Evans. I don't know how you did it, but she is getting the best grades imaginable."

"Well thank you professor," James answered with a smile on his lips but none in his eyes.

"I don't think Lily will need those extra tutoring lessons anymore. She is doing perfectly fine."

_No!_ Lily's mind screamed. She wanted those tutoring classes. That would be the only time that she would be able to talk to James alone.

"But professor," James said all too sweetly. "I think those tutoring lessons are great for Lily. She's been doing great ever since…why should we deliberately stop all of it?"

Lily's head shot up. Was James actually asking the Professor to continue the tutoring classes?

"Well, I think she would be doing fine on her own as well Mister Potter."

"Well yes I think I would be fine on my own, but those tutoring classes have really helped professor and I would like for James to keep helping me the way he has been doing."

James gaze snapped to hers and a slow easy smirk started to take form. She smiled back at him and felt her cheeks flush.

The Professor then sighed. "Kids these days…fine then, you shall go on with the lessons. In fact, you have a tutoring tonight, I believe."

"Thank you professor," Lily and James had said at the same time.

"Go on now, go eat and I believe the tutoring starts in an hour or so."

Lily and James both left the class silently. She wondered if she should ask him why he still wanted to tutor her. It was weird, but she wanted to see him privately again. She wanted to be friends with him and talk to him again. She missed him, even after everything he's done to her. But she was ready to put the past behind them now, and hopefully he was too. She didn't want him back, she didn't think she would ever want that again, but she needed to talk to him. They hadn't really ended things smoothly before and she still felt that undeniable spark every time they were mere feet away from each other. She still blushed around him and she still dreamt about him.

"I'll see you later Evans," he muttered then went to sit with his mates.

Lily suddenly wasn't hungry anymore. She felt those butterflies in her stomach again and her heart was beating loudly in her chest. She couldn't believe she was seeing James again. She started to walk towards the Gryffindor tower to recuperate and calm herself down. She sat on one of the couches and an image popped inside of her head uninvited. James and Trixie, on that same couch she was sitting on. She got up abruptly and took a deep breath.

What the hell had she gotten herself into now?

OoOOOOOOOOOOoo

"Sirius, what the hell are you doing?" Arabella almost yelled at him. He had just picked her up in the middle of the Hall and placed her over his shoulder. Even though she was yelling at him, she was still smiling.

"I'm getting your attention! You've kept staring at Remus and Lily for the past hour in Transfiguration class. I want my girlfriend to spare her attention on me and not on my best friend." He said pouting.

"What are you talking about? I haven't been staring at all! And how arrogant of you! My attention shouldn't be on you full time. I have a life you know."

"Yeah, but it only seems fair that your attention is on me because mine is on you 24/7."

He let her down slowly and looked into her eyes.

"Are you hungry?"

"No, why?"

"We really need to talk Bella. Come; let's go in your room ok?"

Bella looked at Sirius, he looked stern. Did he want to break up with her? She gave him a look that said as much because he started laughing.

"Not yet Bella."

"You think that's funny?" she muttered.

He merely just rolled his eyes and took her hand before leading her to her room. Once inside he slumped down on her bed and beckoned her closer.

"Come here," he insisted.

"No," she said protectively. "Just tell me what you wanted to say first."

He suddenly turned serious and sat up straight.

"Bella, I don't like the idea of me having to convince myself that you're over Remus. I'm supposed to know that the feelings you had for him are gone, but I don't. I feel as though I were your second choice…Since you couldn't have Remus, you settled for second best. But I want to be your number one Bella, I'm supposed to be, I'm your boyfriend, not Remus."

"What are you talking about? I have no feelings at all left for Remus. I like _you,_ so stop being such a fart." She said smiling at him sweetly. "You shouldn't feel that way."

Sirius eyed her skeptically. "Are you sure? Because if you want to be with Remus, we can…well…you know…" He didn't want to say it.

Bella had to suppress her laughter. Sirius always did that to her. He made her laugh when she lest expected to. That was what she loved about him.

"No, I don't want to do whatever you were thinking. I like you and I really want to see where this could lead us…" she said coming closer to him and whispering in his ear.

"Ok, I'm relieved," he whispered back slipping his hands under her shirt.

He laid her down on the bed and started to kiss her very lightly on the lips. She sighed and placed her hands around his neck.

"I really like you," he told her between kisses. "I don't think I've ever…" he stopped then shook his head and continued to kiss her.

She stopped him. "What were you going to say?"

"Never mind. I have more interesting things planned for now," he said smirking down at her.

"Oh really? And what might those interesting things be?"

"Showing you how much I care and having you mindlessly out of your mind with pleasure so you would never look at any other guy ever again."

"God, you're so arrogant. What makes you think you can give me that much pleasure?"

"I don't think so, I _know _so."

"You're such a…" she gasped as he started to kiss her neck softly. He knew it was her weak spot. She started to shiver and it wasn't from the cold.

"A what?" he inquired stopping his ministrations just long enough so she would grab his hair and bring it back to where she wanted it.

"I can't remember, but please don't stop what you were doing."

He laughed and placed his mouth on hers again. He liked her so much. He's never liked anyone the way that he liked Bella. Things were going so fast between them, but he didn't care. He wanted to know everything about her. He hated the fact that she still had feelings for Remus. She said that she didn't, but he didn't believe her. The way she would stare at Remus was the way he used to stare at her before he asked her out. Normally under any other circumstance he would have broken up with the girl, but he couldn't do that with Bella. He liked her too much. And she was trying to get over Remus, she really was. He started to kiss her neck and gradually started going lower. The hands that were on her waist were now tugging her shirt off.

She suddenly realized that he was the one always pleasuring her. Maybe it was time for the tables to turn. He deserved it. She stopped him with her hand and his head immediately shot up.

"I'm sorry, we don't have to." He told her.

She smiled at him. "No, it's only because you've always been the one to pleasure me. I think it's only fair I get the same chance with you."

"I don't mind at all. I could spend days doing this to you. I love seeing you like this."

"No, it's my turn now." She said while turning over and placing herself on top of him.

RATED R CONTENT SKIP IF YOU DO NOT WISH TO READ!

She kissed him lightly and gradually started to go lower. His breath hitched when he felt her kiss the waistband of his pants. She pulled his shirt out of his pants and over his stomach while she undid the zipper of his pants very slowly. She realized that he was already rock hard.

"I've never really been…encouraged in this area before," she told him.

"Well you seemed pretty encouraged to me." He forced a laugh but she could feel him trembling in anticipation.

She slowly slipped her hand inside his briefs and lightly touched him. She was amazed at how soft the skin there seemed to be and she closed her hand around him. He jerked against her.

"Wow, had I only known it was this easy to undo Sirius Black's self control, I would have tried it much sooner." She laughed.

He just groaned as a response and his hand gripped convulsively at the coverlet. She pulled his briefs down, looked him in the eyes and gasped. His eyes were so blue, so pale. He really was beautiful. She wanted him to feel what he had made her feel in the past few days. He has been amazing with her; never asking for anything in return. He really was special.

His hands then gripped her dark hair and stopped her before she could put her mouth on him.

"You don't have to do this, really its ok."

"You don't want me to?"

"God Bella, what do you think? Of course I want you to, but only because I want it, it doesn't mean you should do it. I respect you and your decisions."

"I really want to do this Sirius. I want to, but I'm not sure really how to do this…I've never done this before…" she told him blushing.

"It's ok," he answered stroking her hair gently. "Are you sure?"

"Yes, I'm sure. I trust you'll guide me through this?"

"Yeah, ok." He said then groaned as her head dipped lower.

OoOOOOOOOOOOoo

Lily stood in front of her mirror. Did she look ok? She was definitely too skinny and her hair was a mess. What would James think of her? She looked like shit. God, why did she care so much? It's not as if James actually cared about how she looked. They were _over_! But she couldn't help but still think of him as something more. She couldn't seem to understand that there was nothing between them anymore. It was too hard for her to believe. She looked at her watch; she still had five minutes before class started. She'd better hurry before she was late again. She grabbed all her books and headed towards the class. She wanted to make truce with James. She was tired of having to ignore his glares. She wanted them to stop. It always hurt her when he did that. He was the one who had done something wrong, not her. _She_ should be the one glaring at _him_.

She sighed as she was standing in front of the classroom door. She suddenly felt very nervous. What would she tell him? What would he say? She took a deep breath and opened the door.

"Evans," James greeted her.

"You can call me Lily," she pointed out.

"I prefer Evans."

Something in his eyes had changed. He seemed determined. She was wondering what he was planning on doing to her. She knew that no matter what he would do, it wouldn't be so good. She didn't understand why he was being so immature about wanting to call her Evans. Lily was her name, not Evans and he should understand that. Just because he was mad at her, it didn't give him a reason to be rude and obnoxious. She wanted to tell him this, she really did, but she didn't have the nerve. She never did around him.

She took a deep breath. "Okay, whatever floats your boat." She said a bit sardonically.

He gave her a look that immediately shut her up, but Lily Evans had changed. She wasn't that shy innocent girl anymore. She had grown up. She understood that she couldn't let herself get beat down by James. Not anymore and never again. She wanted to be friends with him. She wanted him to actually stop glaring at her and to stop looking at her as though she had done something horrible.

"Why did you want to pursue the tutorials?" she asked him slowly.

"For the same reason that you did," he replied rolling his eyes at her.

"I doubt that. I decided to continue because I wanted to call a truce."

"You're right," he answered wryly "It wasn't for the same reasons."

"Why then?"

He looked her straight in the eye and held her gaze. She immediately understood his meaning. He never was good at expressing himself with words. She understood what he meant by only one glance. She knew what he wanted from her, but this time, she wasn't going to give it to him. She wasn't too sure though, with the way he was looking at her, she didn't think she'd be able to last that long.

"I think I'd, uh, better go now." She picked up all her stuff that she had placed on the desk and turned around, but was spun back around by James.

"The door's locked. It only unlocks after a certain amount of time. Don't you remember the last times I tutored you?"

Oh, he was being bad. She hotly blushed and tried to look away from him. The last time she had been in here with him, studying was the furthest thing from either of their minds. She remembered lying down on the desk with him on top of her, caressing her…No! She had to stop this. She had to make him stop this torture. She wanted him, as much as she hated to admit it, she wanted him so bad. That night he had left her on the brink of an amazing orgasm and she still hadn't forgotten it. She remembered it each time she looked in his eyes, felt his touch or even so much as just glanced at him. She needed to get away from him before he started to play his mind tricks with her all over again.

"Yeah, uh…I remember." She stuttered.

He smiled and trailed a finger down her cheek. "You're blushing," he stated. "Cute."

He then leaned down and replaced his finger with his mouth. She tried to move away from him but her feet were rooted to the ground. And maybe, maybe she just didn't want to move away.

She managed just barely to move her head away when his lips brushed against hers so softly, she barely felt it.

"No, don't." she choked out and tried to push him away meekly.

"I know what you want Lily."

He breathed her name like he used to and she loved it. She loved it so much that Goosebumps started to form on her skin. She looked up at him questioningly.

"I know you came here to tell me you wanted to be friends with me. You want me to stop glaring at you. Am I right?" he asked her quietly in her hair.

She nodded against him. But couldn't help but feel as though she wasn't being honest with him. She didn't know if she still loved him or not, but she was fairly certain that she cared for him a heck of a lot.

"I hate seeing you with Remus. I hate it so much I can't help but glare."

"Why do you care so much? You don't see me complaining every time I see you with another girl." She snapped.

"It's not the same thing."

"Yes it is," she insisted.

He shrugged as a response. "I just can't help it,"

"Whatever…"

"And you know we can't be friends Evans."

She snapped out of her little reverie. "Why not?"

"It can't happen because we've never been 'just friends'. I don't think I would be able to be that for you."

At that moment James lunged for her. He placed his arms around her waist and pulled her to him roughly. He placed his mouth on hers insistently, even though Lily didn't need much insisting in order to fall for James all over again. She hesitated before putting her arms around his head. He felt it and pulled away just long enough to whisper:

"Don't fight it. Please don't. I know you want this as much as I do."

She didn't respond to him but kissed him back. She still wasn't sure if that was a good idea. She knew what she was doing was wrong. She knew she would regret it, but it felt so amazingly right. It felt as though nothing had ever happened. She wanted to relish this moment. She wanted to pretend and feel as though nothing had happened, like before. She knew she couldn't though. What he had done was beyond the pale.

"Why did you do it?" she blurted out. "Why did you leave me like that?" she asked brokenly gripping at his shirt.

He was holding her so tight she couldn't breathe. He wanted her so much. All he wanted was one night. He needed just one more night to pleasure her again and to get her out of his system. He wanted her back.

"I don't know," he answered honestly. "All I know is that I need you now." He grunt out kissing her even more fiercely than before.

She managed, just barely, to escape his mouth.

"I needed you that night. I needed you so much and you left me."

Horrified, she realized she was about to cry. She thought she was over this. She thought she could beat this, beat the temptation, but she couldn't. She was James'.

He let out a big breath against her hair and pressed himself against her.

"Do you see what you do to me?" he whispered.

She shook her head. She didn't want to know. If she wanted to get out of this, she needed to distance herself from him. His grip on her arm was so strong though and she didn't really try that hard to push away from him either. Her head was telling her to slap him off her, but her heart was telling her otherwise.

"Oh god, I-I can't do this James," she told him but slumped against him in defeat.

"What I did was wrong…" he admitted softly.

Lily's mind reeled. What had he just said? Was he openly admitting he was wrong to do that to her?

"I-I shouldn't have…" he told her quietly.

He looked so uncomfortable and out of place. It sounded as if he had never apologized to anyone in his entire life. It sounded as though he had never admitted he was wrong before.

"No, you shouldn't have." She snapped as a response.

"Please," he asked.

"What do you want?" she asked him firmly.

She was having trouble concentrating because his strong and capable hands were edging up her arms and rested on her shoulders. He brushed her red hair out of the way and started to nuzzle her neck like he always used to do. She shivered in awareness and begged him to stop. Her begging sounded more like moaning coming from her mouth. Didn't matter, at least the good intentions were there.

"What do you want?" she asked him more seriously now and pushing him off her completely to stare into his intensely pale eyes.

"I want one night," he asked from her. "Just one more night to show you how sorry I am. Lily, I want to fu…no, I want to…to make love to you."

Lily turned her back away from him. She wanted it so much, it hurt. She wanted him to undress her, to kiss her, hold her and make love to her. She wanted it all so much. She couldn't show him that though. He was playing those mind games with her again. He was trying to make her believe something he didn't feel. Oh, how she wished his words were true. She wished that he actually meant them.

"Is that all you want? Because frankly I'm not some whore that you could 'make love to' only for one night. You can't 'make love' to someone you don't love James. You told me, directly that you would _never_ feel that way towards me. Do you remember? I do. So don't come tell me that you want to 'make love' to me when you don't even know how loving someone feels!" Lily had realized that even though she had started out her little speech on a soft tone, towards the end she had raised her voice and had ended up yelling at him.

He stepped towards her.

"Don't!" she protested and turned her back to him.

He came up behind her and wrapped his arms around her from behind.

"I miss you," he whispered in her ear. "I miss the way you blush when you're around me. I miss your taste, your touch, those amazing eyes of yours, I miss holding you, touching you and I miss most of all the way you look at me."

She shook her head. "It's not enough." He was lying through his teeth and she knew it.

"I miss how you're so intense. How you're so shy, so deep, so passionate, so strong but weak, I miss it all. But most of all, I miss the way you…the way you love me." He said then placed a kiss on her temple.

Lily shook her head. She had started to cry half way through his little speech. She had always wanted to hear him say those words. She wanted him to mean them so much it hurt her. She knew he was lying to her. She knew how he was trying to manipulate her into sleeping with him. She wasn't stupid. She just didn't think he would play with her emotions. It was so brutal, so cruel; it was something James would do to get what he wanted. He could never imagine how much he was hurting her right now. She felt as though her heart has been ripped in two. A lump was in her throat, threatening to cut off her breathing very soon and she felt a bit dizzy because her heart was beating so fast.

He pushed her against the desk in the middle of the room and turned her to face him. When he saw the tears streaming down her cheeks, he gave her a confused look. He raised his hand and brushed the tears away with his thumbs.

"You're so beautiful."

She shook her head and started to cry even more. Now he was attacking all her insecurities. She couldn't take it anymore, but she didn't seem to have the power to push him away. He wiped her new tears away again and bent his head down and kissed her. He was then lifting her up and settling her on the desk. He started to kiss her neck gently while his hands roamed up and down her legs. She felt emotionally drained from everything he had told her before. She slouched back down onto the desk and she felt James come settle on top of her. That was always how he liked to be. He had her completely under his control. All he had to do was snap his fingers and she was there. He kissed her neck, down her collarbone and started to unbutton her blouse. Her gaze was fixated on the ceiling on top of her. She never knew that the ceiling of the Transfiguration class had so many holes in it. She could count 16 over her head. Her hands were stuck by her side. She couldn't seem to lift them up.

"God, I don't know what you do to me." James whispered against her chest. "It's like I can never control myself around you."

She turned her head away and started to feel the tears roll down her cheeks and run across the bridge of her nose. She wanted to wipe them away, she really did, but she couldn't. She closed her eyes against the feel of James' hands push her skirt to her hips.

"You feel so good under me," he whispered. "It's like you belong there."

He obviously didn't know what he was saying. His eyes were glazed and he seemed crazed. Lily had never seen him act this way before. It was as if he was desperate. He was desperate to get into her pants, for one night, and then forget her. That was what he wanted wasn't it?

Her tears doubled, but she wasn't sobbing. He couldn't even see her cry. He wouldn't have realized since her body was reacting in a totally different way than her mind. Her body couldn't seem to get enough of him. Even her body was betraying her. She couldn't seem to get a grip on herself and didn't dare try anymore. She knew something like this would happen when she agreed to continue the tutorials. She knew, deep down inside, that he would try something like this with her. She had wholeheartedly agreed to his silent promise.

"I don't want to be your friends Lily. I…I can't." he told her, but wasn't expecting an answer. It was as if he didn't realize what he was saying. He was too caught up in his own game. It was as if he didn't know what part to play anymore. He was already in over his head lost in the game he started. Maybe she should put an end to all this. She opened her mouth to say something, but nothing came out. She just managed to choke back some sobs.

She loved him so much.

He was killing her with every single word coming out of his mouth. Every word was slowly pushing her further and further down a path she didn't want to take. He was draining her.

"Lily, I think…I think I could make love to you now."

Abruptly, her head shot up and violently pushed him away. He was going way too far with this. She couldn't take it anymore. She wanted out. He looked at her quizzically, only realizing now she was crying. He let her push him away and he watched her run out of the room crying. Their tutorial was long over by now…

He sat on the desk and passed a hand through his unruly hair. James hadn't really meant what he had said, had he? He had started off by exaggerating the way he felt then slowly got lost in it. The role he was playing…could it have been him all along? Could it have been the person he had become with Lily?

_No, of course not_


	17. Chapter 17

**Hey Everyone, I'm glad to know you all liked my last chapter and I hope you like Chapter 17 as well. I'd like to thank all my reviewers for supporting me and my slow updates. It's been so long because a tragedy has happened in my city. I don't know if you all know but theres been a shooting at my friends school. A girl died and many people were injured. I was almost finished my chapter when it happened and I didn't have the heart to post it yet. I'm sorry. To make up for the horribly long wait, I made this chapter longer than I usually make them. I hope you like it.**

**Anyways, a lot of you have asked me how many chapters there are going to be and I have to admit that I don't know exactly the numbers of chapters left. I don't think however that I'm going to go until their death. I'd like to answer all your questions but the thing is, I don't know the answers to them myself sometimes. I appreciate every single review and I love my readers to death. By the way, I'm curious to know how old you all think I am.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters except Alexis. They all belong to J.K Rowling. **

**Thanks to Irit, and Rana for helping me write this chapter.**

"Remus, please! You could at least listen to what I have to say!"

"Alexis, no. I told you yesterday exactly what I'm going to tell you now. Stay away from me!" Remus whispered dangerously.

"But what about the night before yesterday?" Alexis desperately told him. "You forgave me, didn't you?"

Remus then felt a pang of guilt. No he hadn't, but his actions revealed otherwise. She had just manipulated him again; she had talked him into sleeping with her. He wasn't going to let that happen again.

"You manipulated me into it, like you did for all the other things as well."

Alexis then grabbed his arm. "No! You have no right to tell me this. I did not manipulate you into anything the other night. You wanted it as much as I did." Her lips were trembling.

Remus didn't know what to do anymore. How did he know if she was sincere or not? He couldn't tell at all.

"How do I know if you're lying or if you're not? I didn't seem to notice last time you so swiftly lied to me in order to get to Bella."

Alexis then started to cry. "I already told you I was sorry. It started out that way, but in the end I wasn't lying anymore…"

Remus slowly undid himself from her grasp.

"How could you even think that the other night wasn't sincere? I have no reasons to lie to you anymore." Alexis pleaded.

Remus then felt his heart clench at the sight of her crying. He had never made a girl cry before in his life.

"Do you know at all how much you hurt Lily? What's your plan now? To break up Sirius and Bella?"

"No! I don't care about that Remus. I care about you. Please believe me. I changed!"

"Funny…that sounds vaguely familiar."

"Remus, I…" she started to say exactly how much she felt towards him when he suddenly stopped her.

"No, don't say anything. Just stay away from me. Give me some time to think ok?"

She started to cry even harder and desperately gripped his shirt. She knew she looked clingy but dammit, she didn't want him to walk away from her.

"The other night meant something and you know it. I know you feel the same way."

Remus pushed her away gently. "I don't know. Give me some time to figure it out."

"You wouldn't have slept with me if you didn't feel anything for me." she continued.

"I know, but I don't think I can say the same about you. I'm not going to get manipulated again." He snapped.

That shut her up. He was right. In the past, she has slept with many guys without feeling anything for them. But now was different. Remus made her feel something that no other guy has ever made her feel before. The other night, when they had made love, he was so sensitive to her needs, so nurturing that she had cried. No one has ever made her feel so special. Of course, he hadn't seen her cry because his head was buried in her neck. And when he entered her, she had felt a connection so strong that she felt as though her heart would explode in love. She had wanted that moment to last forever. She wanted to experience it again and again.

She didn't know what she had to do to make him believe that she was real. She had wanted to talk to him the other night but she was completely drunk on Butterbear. She told him how she felt all the while sobbing exaggeratedly because of the alcohol. After a while she felt a little faint and he had accompanied her to her room. The effects of the alcohol were starting to wear off and she wasn't going to let Remus get out of her room without showing him exactly how she felt. She then turned around and kissed him hard on the lips. He hadn't kissed her back at first and was intent on pulling away but she didn't give up. When he finally gave in, her heart leapt out of her chest and one thing led to another. What she hadn't expected was the emotional and physical connection she would feel. How wholeheartedly complete she had felt.

She couldn't believe she was letting him walk away from her. She knew that she had really screwed up, but she now understood how Lily must have felt if she really loved James. Not only had she screwed Lily and James' chance of ending up together but she had also screwed up her own chances of ever being happy.

She owed Lily an apology.

OoOOOOOOOOOOoo

James' hands were trembling as he reached for another cigarette. He brought it to his mouth and lit it up, liking the way it felt around his lips. It was kind of unnerving, yet familiar. It was something that he was used to. Recently, everything has been so different that he found new comfort in his cigarettes. When he sat down at the lunch table, he was used to chatting with his friends and eating, but recently all he's been able to do was stare at Lily Evans talking with her friend Bella. He can't even concentrate in class anymore because Lily is talking to Remus. What was wrong with him? It's like Lily totally disrupted his old way of living. He couldn't believe that he let himself get so close to her. Why was he hurting like this?

He had to stop. Why was he acting like such a wimp? Why did he care so much? The other night, when he was with Lily he had said things that he hadn't thought to be true, but when he thought about it now, it was all true. He had meant everything he'd said. He had just admitted it to her before admitting it to himself. He couldn't believe that she had totally disoriented him. She seemed perfectly fine though. She was smiling more then ever with all her friends, her grades were hitting a high and James has never seem so many guys trying to flirt with Lily Evans in his life.

It wasn't fair.

It wasn't fair how he was completely confused and lost while she was happier than she's ever been. She was supposed to be the depressed one! He felt as though all the roles have been reversed. He didn't like it at all. What the hell was happening to him? He exhaled the smoke lazily out into the air and liked the way the smoke quickly faded in the atmosphere. Why couldn't Lily be like that? Why couldn't she just fade away in his spirit? Why did he want her so much?

His chest suddenly felt taut, he wanted to do something so very badly, but he didn't know what. He looked around alarmingly. What was happening to him? He felt as though he would burst any second. He needed help. He couldn't talk to Sirius about anything because Sirius was way too caught up in Arabella. He was also mad at Sirius for that. It wasn't fair how Sirius seemed so bloody content and how he wasn't. And there was no way he would be able to talk to Remus. He was always with Lily these days and James thought that Remus might have a thing for Lily. With the way he would smile at her, it seemed as though he was pretty interested.

It made James want to break his jaw.

James has never ever felt this way before. Why now? And why with Lily? She was the type of girl he'd always hated. Just thinking about it gave him shivers of disgust. Fucking redheads…

But he knew it. He knew the truth, no matter how vile it seemed to be, he knew that deep down inside, he was furious. He was furiously jealous. Every single look she gave a guy that wasn't him, sent waves of anger pulsing through his veins. He didn't know how to get rid of it. He couldn't take it anymore. He didn't know what to do. He didn't want to talk to Lily again…ever. Every time he saw her, things always got out of control and it always left him wanting more. If that was even possible at this point. But when he wasn't talking to her, he felt the need to. No he didn't want to talk to her, he wanted _her_. He didn't really want her, did he? No he didn't…

He _needed_ her.

Damn it! Just thinking about needing someone made his fists clench. He has never needed anyone before; he always managed to cope without anyone's help or care. He was content with the way things were before. Why did he have to take on that bet? Why did he want to go further with Lily? All these questions tormented him daily and he couldn't seem to get them out of his mind. They even tormented him nightly. At night though, his torments were of a different nature. He would dream of her, she would be lying down next to him in his bed and he would stare down at her while she muttered the words he loved to hear from her, but also dreaded so much from fear of it not being true: "I love you." And every time he would reach for her, she would slowly vanish. He would try so hard to call out to her, but his mouth seemed sealed and nothing would ever come out. Then he would wake sweaty and cursing the day he first met Lily Evans. Wasn't it enough for her to torment him during the day with her smiles and her eyes? No, she also had to haunt him during the few hours of sleep that he desperately needed these days.

He then lit another cigarette as the last one died out. He was finishing his seventh one today. He had to stop, but they acted on him like a drug. He couldn't stop. In his life, the cigarettes were the only thing he could count on right now. They were the only thing that was there for him in time of need. Everything else just seemed to abandon him gradually. He felt horrible that he had started to create some kind of dependence to the nasty object, but he couldn't help it. It was the only stable thing in his life. And right now, he needed stability.

The worst part was that he knew that there was only one way to get rid of all this torment. There was only one remedy. Unfortunately, he knew that the cure would be impossible to attain. He should have saved it, kept it close to him at all times. Use it as a lever instead of taking it for granted. He couldn't do anything about it anymore though. It was over and he had to get over it. She seemed to be coping fine…why couldn't he?

She was the one who had lost, not him! She was the one who had been dumped, but yet he felt as though he was the abandoned one. This wasn't normal…he needed help. He wanted all this to just go away. How could he just forget about everything? He couldn't, he had to deal with it. He wouldn't be able to forget anything; he would have to learn to live with it. But he couldn't. He knew what he had to do, but he couldn't do it. Admitting that to himself was even worse. All along he's been playing this game with Lily and instead of pulling her into his trap; he had dragged himself deeper and deeper into the game where he couldn't distinguish reality and fiction anymore. There was suddenly a very thin line in between the two and he knew it wasn't fiction anymore. With Lily, it wasn't a game anymore. It was real.

He knew that. He knew it was real and it scared him to death. How could someone love him? What did he have to offer? All he knew were the things that seemed so superficial and unimportant. He knew how to please someone physically (and that, he knew well). But what was that worth if he couldn't please anyone emotionally or spiritually? He knew nothing of that. He didn't want to offer himself to someone of fear of being exposed and disappointed. He didn't want to turn out like…no! He wasn't going to go there. Every time he thought about it, anger would seep through his veins and his heart would stop. Was that feeling really anger or pity? Maybe it was a little bit of both…whatever, he didn't care.

But he did. And that, without a doubt, angered him. He shouldn't care, but he did. Just like the way he felt about Lily…He shouldn't be concerned, but he was and it was driving him absolutely crazy.

He put out the cigarette and plunged into his pack for another one. He really shouldn't smoke. He really shouldn't, he thought as he lit up his eight cigarette that day. When he was with Lily, his habit had stopped or at least had diminished for awhile. Lily didn't like watching him smoke. Lily wanted him to stop. Lily wanted…Enough, His mind screamed. Stop thinking about her!

It was funny how even the things that were supposed to make him forget about Lily, only served to remind him more of how much he missed her.

OoOOOOOOOOOOoo

Lily was lying on her bed thinking about how much she had achieved over these past few days. Her grades were hitting a high, she was making more friends and guys had even started talking to her, or maybe she should say _flirting_ with her. She smiled at the thought. Maybe she didn't need James after all…

She twisted around in her bed and sighed. The other night, he had told her things she couldn't seem to get out of her mind. Everything he had said was everything she had always wanted to hear. How did he know exactly what she wanted? Was she that easy to read? Anyways, she didn't want to think about James right now, she had more important issues to think about.

She slowly reached for the paper lying under her bed. As she fumbled around to try and find it, her heart was beating fast. She pulled out the paper that she had preciously kept and read it over and over again.

She missed them so much. She wanted her parents to be with her so much right now. She wanted to tell them what was going on in her life. She needed someone to talk to so bad. She reread the article stating the death of her parents again and she suddenly felt completely helpless. She wanted to avenge them so bad; she wanted to be an auror. Tears welled in her eyes and her chest felt tight. She took in a deep breath.

She still couldn't believe they were gone. She had loved them so much and they had ended up leaving her. She would wake up in the morning, go down for breakfast and watch happy children receive mail from their parents every day. At first, she was in denial. She wouldn't want to believe they had left her like that. She would sit at the table and wait for her daily mail from her parents. She had tried to forget that episode of her life so many times, but only now did she realize that she would never be able to forget. She had to learn to live with it. That was what life was about.

Going through life, she was going to have to pass through phases that were going to hurt and that she would have to live with for the rest of her life. It would act as a weight on her back that will only get bigger and bigger as time moves forward. At that exact same moment, she thought of James. She had already lost her parents, the people she loved and cared for so much. Now, she had just lost James. That was yet another weight she had to add on her shoulders. And in doing that, it had only reminded her of the past weight she was already carrying.

She then wiped away a tear that she hadn't even realized had fallen and proceeded to wipe away the other ones that had managed to fall through as well. She laughed to herself. She thought she didn't have any tears in her body to cry out anymore. Stupid theory.

She just couldn't believe how much she still missed her parents. She wanted them to be here with her. She wanted James to be here with her. Why did everything she love and care for slip through her fingers like sand? Was it even all worth the pain?

Suddenly the door opened and Bella came walking through. Lily quickly wiped away all the tears and hid the paper under her bed once more. She would probably be taking it out again tonight anyway…

"Hey Lily…" Bella said dreamily.

"Hey," Lily answered hoarsely then coughed to clear her voice out a bit.

"I just had to most amazing time with Sirius today."

Lily weekly laughed. She didn't want to hear about how happy her friend was. She didn't want Bella to remind her that life could be perfect for some people. She just wanted to be alone more then ever right now.

"He is so amazing Lily…I think I'm in love!"

"Bella, that's great."

"No, you don't understand. He is just so caring and giving and he cares for me…a lot!"

"That's nice."

"I mean today, he was totally sweet. He brought me flowers and we ate a picnic outside and it was just so perfect…and then of course we went back to his room and…" Bella then started to laugh. "Well I think you know what happened then."

Lily smiled at her friend politely, but wanted more then anything to stop talking about this topic. Couldn't Bella see that Lily was miserable?

"Lily, he is so _good_! I'm really sorry that I'm giving you all the details, but you know, you're the only person I can talk to about these things. He actually wants to wait! He wants to wait until I'm ready before having sex. He's always the one to please _me_! I've never had that before. It feels so good. And oh my god! He has the most amazing…"

"Stop it," Lily suddenly cried desperate. Normally she would have listened to what Arabella had to tell her, but she just couldn't do it anymore. She was tired of hearing everyone's picture perfect life all the while mourning hers.

Arabella was shocked. Her eyes were wide and staring at Lily. She would have started an argument if it wasn't for the tears that she had seen brim her best friend's eyes. She had then realized that she had been very self-centered. In her own happiness, she had forgotten that her friend was unhappy. She slowly approached the bed where Lily was lying and held her best friend in her arms.

"I'm sorry," she whispered to Lily who was wiping away the tears.

"No no, I'm sorry. It's me. I've just been in a bad mood recently."

"It's because of James isn't it?"

"No…"

"Lily, I know you still love him."

Lily then started to cry even harder. "I know," she sobbed.

"I think that you need to get over him honey…he's an asshole."

Lily shook her head. "James's isn't an asshole. He just doesn't love me back."

"Exactly my point…Lily, you can't go on like this, it's not right."

Lily nodded. "I know…I just can't help it Bella. I loved him so much."

Bella then got up.

"I know exactly what you need!" she shrieked.

"What?"

"You need another guy…you know, like a rebound."

"What do you mean a rebound?"

"It's like a guy you use in order to get over another guy."

"No, I would never do that. That's mean."

"It's a rough world out there. You have to think about yourself before anyone else sweetheart. What do you think James did to you?"

Lily nodded. He did use her, but he never used her to get over someone else. That was just beyond cruel. She would never be able to do something like that to anyone.

"I guess…"Lily whispered.

"C'mon, the Gryffindor Tower is having a party tonight. There are going to be a lot of cute guys to take advantage of."

Lily looked at her friend in surprise. She didn't even know people were having a party. Was she that excluded from everyone? Lily then nodded to herself. She didn't need to use anyone, but she could allow herself to have at least a little fun tonight.

"It'll be fun, I promise." Arabella said her eyes gleaming.

OoOOOOOOOOOOoo

Remus was beyond confused. Did Alexis really feel the way she said she did? He doubted it, but even if she did, what could he do about that? He wasn't even sure if he liked her and she was admitting that she practically loved him. What should he do?

And then there was Lily. Poor broken down Lily, but yet she was so strong. He admired her greatly and he would be lying if he would say that he wasn't attracted to her immensely. Then again, is attraction really that important? He was attracted to Alexis too, but he knew Lily would be a much safer bet. He had slept with Alexis the night before and it was amazing, but when he woke up, he was raked with a feeling of guilt. He _hated_ feeling guilty for something.

Then suddenly, as he was still dwelling on his ideas, Sirius came walking inside of the room.

"Hey man," Sirius greeted Remus.

"Hey…"

"What's up with you? You look dead. No offense…" Sirius looked at Remus cautiously.

"Nah, I'm ok. Just wondering…You're dating Bella right?"

Sirius looked completely taken aback.

"Yeah, so?" he asked defensively. He didn't want Remus taking Bella away from him, especially since he knew that Bella still cared for him.

"Does she ever talk to you about Lily?"

Sirius let out a relieved breath. He wasn't asking about Bella, he was asking about Lily. This was his chance to hook them up once and for all!

"Yeah, why?"

"I don't know Sirius. I'm worried about her and I just want her to be ok, I guess."

"Are you sure there isn't more to it?" Sirius asked wriggling his eyebrows.

Remus laughed at Sirius' stupidity.

"I don't know…there might be."

"Do you need help with that man?" Sirius asked Remus.

"With what?"

"With getting Lily Evans for yourself!"

Remus thought about this. Would he really want that? What about Alexis? He didn't know anymore. He liked Lily a lot, but it wasn't the same as with Alexis. It was different. He wanted to help Lily; he cared for her a lot and felt the need to protect her. With Alexis, he felt unsure of himself as if he had to protect himself. It was exciting yet unnerving.

"How would you help me?" Remus finally asked.

"Tonight, the party…I could get you and Lily alone for a bit."

"Would you do that?"

"Yeah I would." Sirius said patting Remus on the back.

"Ok, I would like that…but what about James?"

"Don't worry, James doesn't like Evans. And besides he had his chance before and he screwed up."

"Yeah, you're right…but what should I do when I'm alone with her?"

"Whatever you want. If you want to talk, talk. But I say kiss her. Girls love straightforward guys."

"Ok, if you say so."

Sirius smirked. His plan was going to work. Lily would be with Remus and Bella would completely forget about him. She would focus all her attention on him instead. It was perfect!

OoOOOOOOOOOOOoo

The music was blasting, people were getting drunk downstairs and yet Lily was still in her room staring at herself in the mirror. Did she look ok? Was the makeup too much? And what about the skirt? Was it too short? Lily shakily ran her fingers through her hair involuntarily messing them up. What would James think of the work Arabella had done on her? She sighed. Why was she even thinking about him?

Suddenly there was a knock at her door? Could it be James? Her heart stopped and her brain tried to rationalize what she would tell him. She rushed to the door and opened it cautiously only to reveal Remus, to her disappointment.

"Oh…hey Remus,"

Remus eyes had bogged out of his head when he had seen her. Lily blushed furiously. She knew she looked like an idiot, the makeup was too much and her skirt was too damn short! She should definitely change and put a decent pair of pants on.

"My god, Lily you look…"

Lily felt her face burn of embarrassment; she didn't want to hear how much of an idiot she looked.

"You look amazing." Remus whispered while stroking her cheek lightly.

Lily looked up at Remus. He was being so sweet.

"You think so? Don't I look a little…?"

"No, you look gorgeous."

Lily felt her face flush again. He was so nice.

"So let's go downstairs ok?" he said while taking her hand.

Lily laughed and closed the door behind her. As they were walking down the stairs of the common room, people were staring at them and whispering stuff that Lily didn't care about. These people could talk about her all they want, she didn't care anymore.

She spotted Sirius and Bella making out in the corner of the room and was disappointed when she couldn't find James. Oh well, she might as well have fun with Remus for awhile.

"Do you want something to drink?" Remus yelled over the music.

Lily nodded; maybe alcohol would do her some good. She needed to loosen up a little bit. She felt so tense and unsure of herself. When she saw Remus turn his back and leave her alone, she suddenly felt very much alone.

"Hey Sexy, you want to dance?" A very cute seventh year asked her. She could smell the alcohol in his breath and was very much flattered he asked her anyways. He then grabbed hold of her hand and tempted to pull her towards the dance floor.

"No, its ok, I'm good…" he continued to pull her. "Stop, let me go, I really appreciate the offer, but…"

"Come on sweetie, it'll be fun."

"She said to back off you retard!" Alexis came between them and smacked his hand off of Lily.

The guy stumbled back at this sudden outburst and found another girl to dance with.

"Thanks," Lily muttered.

"No problem…Lily, I think we really need to talk."

"No, I really don't." Lily snapped at her.

"Listen, I'm so sorry about what I've done. I just realize now what I had done to you."

"Save it for someone who actually cares. I trusted you before, you completely backstabbed me for x reasons that I don't even know!"

Alexis raked a hand through her hair uneasily. This was going to be harder than she thought.

"Listen, you don't have to be my friend, heck you don't even have to like me. Hate me for all you want. All I'm asking you to do is forgive me. It's really important to me."

"Whatever…" Lily answered non-committing. All the hurt Alexis had inflicted were still sore and she didn't want to make the same mistake twice again. It would be too much for her to handle.

"Please think about it at least."

"Ok…"

Alexis nodded and turned around to leave. Lily sighed in annoyance. What did Alexis want this time? Alexis had just completely killed her mood.

"I'm back," Remus said from behind her. Lily smiled at him and took the cup from his hand. It was the first _real_ drink she was having. She took a small sip under Remus' stare and nearly choked at the dry and burning sensation it gave her.

Remus laughed at her and flung his arm around her shoulders.

"What is this stuff?" she sputtered.

"It's Vodka."

"Isn't that stuff really strong?" she asked him innocently.

"Very. You have to drink it fast though, it'll feel better once you get used to the taste. Don't drink it too quickly though, or you'll be out of it really fast."

Lily nodded and watched him sip his vodka expertly.

"You look like an expert at this stuff," she said amazed

Remus laughed. "It's not my first time drinking, let's just say."

Lily laughed with him. She was feeling more light and open and the drink started to go down much easier. She started to like the burning sensation and the way it heated up her entire body. She wanted to dance, to do something fun and exciting. She wished James was here…But oh well, the heck with it, she could have fun with Remus couldn't she?

OoOOOOOOOOOOOoo

Bella stared at Remus and Lily from across the floor. Were they touching each other? What were they laughing about? Was Remus drinking? Would he try to make a move on Lily? For some unknown reason, it bothered her a lot. When she told Lily to have fun with a guy, she didn't mean Remus. Out of every guy out here tonight, she had to choose Remus! What the hell was she thinking?

Sirius was kissing her neck, but she wasn't in the mood right now. She pushed him away lightly. Sirius then stared at her and looked in the direction she was looking at and suddenly got very stern.

"Why are you doing this Bella?"

"Hmm…?"

What! Was Remus actually putting his arm around Lily? Where were they going? Oh no, they were headed towards the dance floor. Bella smiled to herself, Lily would _never_ dance. She had never danced with a guy before and she was way too shy. She was sure Lily wouldn't dance; she was shaking her head at Remus who was playfully trying to get her to dance along with him. It wasn't fair!

"Bella!"

Arabelle snapped back to Sirius who looked _furious_. Oops, she's done it again. Why did she keep doing that?

"Oh, Sirius I'm sorry, I'm just worried about Lily, that's all."

Sirius looked at her skeptically. He was sure it wasn't Lily she was worried about.

"Stop lying to me Bella. I hate it."

Bella looked over Sirius, why was he so mad? She wasn't doing anything wrong! She was just checking up on her best friend!

"What the hell am I doing wrong?" she almost yelled at him over the music.

"Everything! You keep staring at Remus and Lily. And to let you know, this was MY idea to set them up and you agreed! So what if Remus likes Lily? Why are you freaking out so much?"

Bella then, for some reason, got frustrated at him.

"Why the hell would you do that?"

"Do what?" Sirius snapped.

"Hook Remus and Lily up! You knew it would bother me! You did it on purpose!" she accused him.

"Why would it bother you so much?"

"It just does! And what about James? It'll probably bother him too and you know it. You're his _best friend_! How selfish!"

Sirius then grabbed hold of her arm. Bella suddenly felt extremely guilty. She had gone too far. She shouldn't have insulted him.

"What the hell is your problem? You're the selfish one who doesn't even want her best friend to be happy." He said leering down at her dangerously.

Bella cringed. Sirius was right. Why was she acting this way?

"Sirius, you're hurting me," she whispered trying to dislodge his hand of her arm.

"Sorry," he mumbled while letting her go.

She then reached up and enveloped him in a hug. He hesitated before placing his arms around her as well. His head rested on top of her head and one of his hands was caressing the back of her neck. She shivered at his touch. She liked him so much. How could she even still be thinking about Remus?

"I can't do this anymore Bella…" Sirius sadly whispered in her ear.

Bella's heart stopped.

"What do you mean?" Bella asked her heart sinking. He couldn't possibly mean…could he?

"I just can't. This relationship…" His voice broke.

She could tell he didn't want to do this. She didn't want it either.

"Please don't," she begged him. "Don't do this. It's stupid. We can't…I mean not for such a stupid reason."

"It's not stupid Bella. It's very important. You still like Remus and I know it."

"No I don't!" she tried to convince him.

She felt Sirius shake his head and she furiously shook hers. "I really don't."

His arms tightened around her and she could feel his heart beating fast against her cheek. No, he couldn't do this to her.

"I don't want to be a rebound off Remus."

She continued to shake her head. She couldn't utter a single word anymore. She felt her throat tighten and she could hardly breathe. She knew where this conversation was leading and she couldn't bear the mere thought of it.

"I think we're better off just…" he continued.

She didn't want to hear anymore.

"Being friends." He added.

She shook her head and whispered: "No…"

"I'm sorry…I just can't," To Bella it sounded as though he were going to cry.

This wasn't supposed to happen. He wasn't supposed to break up with her. His arms tightened around her even more and she just barely held him back. What was she supposed to do know? Sirius was her lever, and now he was gone. It wasn't fair. This was probably the last time he was ever going to hold her like this. She pushed him away from her. She couldn't take it anymore. He broke up with her because of a reason that wasn't even justified.

The music was pounding through her ears but yet all she could hear were the small words he'd uttered just moments before. "Being friends…" Well he could go shove that right up his ass. Now she was angry…yet it wasn't at him. It was at herself.

She looked up at him and saw him looking at her with a look of sadness on his face. She pushed him even more away from her. His piercing blue eyes did so much to her; she couldn't bear to look at him any longer. Her heart was in a whirlwind of emotions.

People were dancing, having fun, drinking and yet she wasn't. She envied all of them. Things never worked out for her. It wasn't fair.

"Bella," Sirius said gently holding her arm.

"No!" she shrieked. "Get away from me."

He stepped towards her.

"Don't!" she yelled.

He looked so hurt, but yet so was she. It was his fault. He was accusing her of something that wasn't even true. Or was it? She didn't have the heart to completely deny her feelings for Remus either. She didn't think she liked him, but yet, she wanted him to like _her_.

She looked across the dance floor to Lily who was speaking pretty close to Remus' ear. She must have said something funny because he was laughing pretty hard. Suddenly, that's when it all came crashing down on her. She was so stupid!

That's when Sirius started to walk away from her. He was pushing past people who were dancing and suddenly she couldn't see him anymore.

She felt like yelling out his name. She already missed him. How could she have just let him walk away from her? She pushed past the people and desperately tried to find him, but she knew she wouldn't be able to. He was gone…Her heart stopped and she couldn't breathe anymore. Her throat clenched and she _needed_ him to be with her right now. She couldn't imagine not being with him.

He gave her so much and yet she had offered him nothing. He was so nice and caring, and she was a selfish bitch.

"Sirius!" she whispered.

She meant to yell, but it seemed her voice was gone. She had completely screwed up and she wanted a second chance to prove to him that she really did like him and no one else. She loved him goddammit! How could she just realize that now?

Everything all became so clear to her now. She wanted Remus to like her because she had like him for so long. She wanted him to feel the same way because of her own pride. She couldn't imagine herself having a relationship with Remus. He wasn't her type at all. Sirius was. And she wanted him back.

How? How could she convince him that she wanted him and no one else? How could she show him?

She went upstairs and started to run towards his dorm room. He was probably there, he had to be.

She frantically started knocking on his door, but no one was answering.

"Please," she whispered to herself. Tears started to roll down her cheeks. "Please open the door."

Her tears slowly started to turn into sobs. She needed him. She couldn't believe it was all over. She had to talk to him. She had to! She couldn't imagine going to bed tonight believing that he had broken up with her. She knew he didn't want this. She didn't want it either.

She started to wipe away the tears, but kept on knocking. No one was answering. He was gone. She sagged against the door in defeat and slowly slid down to the floor. She put her head in her hands and went over the past events. She couldn't believe it was all over. It had all happened so fast. Maybe ten minutes ago, they were still an item. How could everything go so horribly wrong in just a couple of seconds?

She couldn't remember how long she'd been sitting there or how long she'd been crying, but every single second without Sirius seemed to last forever. She knew it sounded so corny and childish, but that was exactly how she felt.

"Bella?"

Her head snapped up. There he was. Her heart stopped beating. He looked like shit. His eyes were red and she thought he'd been drinking as well.

"What are you doing here?" he asked her confused.

Now that he was right there in front of her, she had no idea what to say or how to even start the conversation. There was so much she needed to tell him, so much she wanted him to know about.

She took a few steps towards him and when she got to him she placed her arms around his neck and kissed him. Besides, actions spoke louder then words didn't they?

When she finally pulled away, she opened her mouth to explain to him exactly how she felt, but he shushed her.

"Don't say anything."

Bella nodded.

"We'll talk tomorrow." He continued. "For now, I just want to hold you."

Bella nodded through her tears. He was so amazing. There was nothing else in the world that she would rather do.

OoOOOOOOOOOOOoo

Lily was having so much fun! The music was blasting, people were having fun and Remus was being so nice to her. She took another swig of the vodka she was holding. This stuff was so good. She felt so alive! Out of her own free will, her hips even started to move in tune with the music. Remus seemed to be having a lot of fun too. He was dancing while talking to her. He seemed to be pretty out of it. Maybe he had had a lot to drink. He was making her laugh with his funny way of dancing. He had started to cheer when she had started to actually unwind and start dancing.

Lily was smiling while moving in tune with the music. She had never felt so alive and free before in her life. She should do this more often. She only wished James was here with her right now. She wanted him to see her like this. She felt so bold, and daring.

"Do you want to dance with me?" Remus asked Lily.

Lily then froze. She had never danced with a guy before. Did she want the first guy she ever danced with be Remus? He started to move closer to her and turned her around so her back was against his front. Lily felt herself blush of embarrassment. What was she supposed to do now? She should just move against him? How awkward and especially with Remus.

Lily shook her head. "Remus, maybe another time ha-ha…"

"No come on Lily! You dance so well. Please, do it for me." He whispered in her ear.

She suddenly felt very uncomfortable. Was Remus flirting with her? But they were just friends right? Nah, he wasn't flirting. He didn't like her in that way.

"Ok, well only if you show me how…" she told him smiling and gaining all the excitement she had felt before.

"Ok, well basically all you have to do is move your hips like this…"

Remus then took hold of her hips and started to move them against his own. Lily's hips, after a while, had started moving on their own. She was getting the hang of this, even though it was a little bit embarrassing. Maybe she would feel more comfortable with time.

Remus' hands were now traveling from her hips to her upper body. Lily didn't think much of it until his hand rested just below her right breast. She then took his hand and placed it back on her hips. What was he doing?

Remus then turned her around so they were facing each-other and started to grind himself against her. Wow, that was awkward, she thought. Should she just stop him? She didn't feel comfortable anymore, she wanted to stop.

Remus then started to breathe heavily in her ear. She didn't think this dance was very friendly anymore. His head slowly bent down towards hers and she even thought for a second that he might kiss her. Her lips became very dry and she suddenly didn't feel so good anymore.

"Um, Remus?" she asked turning her head in the other direction. "Would you please get me another drink?"

"Now?" he groaned.

Lily nodded.

"Ok, but I'll be right back."

Lily watched him walk away and concluded that he was completely out of it. He had way too much to drink. He wouldn't remember this by tomorrow.

She stood alone on the dance floor and watched other people dance when suddenly she felt a pair of hands on her hips. Was Remus back already? Oh god, how could she reject him nicely?

She turned her head around a little bit and caught a whiff of a musky scent that she remembered so much. Her heart started to beat faster. _James_.

Her throat suddenly seemed very dry. His had an iron grip on her hips that was hurting her, but she didn't care. She was so happy to see him.

"Dance?" he asked her.

Lily shook her head. She didn't know how to dance…

"I saw you dancing with Remus."

Uh-oh, his tone sounded dangerous. His voice was calm, but she could tell he was angry with her. She couldn't not dance with him now…who knew what he would think? He would probably think that she liked Remus, when she really didn't.

"I'll dance only if you let me face you," Lily told him.

She wanted to see his face, even if she knew she would feel uncomfortable, she wanted to see him. He then let go of her hips and turned her around, pulling her into him. Her heart started to beat faster and her legs were wobbly. What was he playing at? Why did he want to dance with her tonight, when he hadn't talked to her in so long?

When he started to move against her, it felt so natural. It was still awkward because she had never really done that before, but she felt as though she was dancing with the right person. With Remus, it just didn't feel good. She wasn't having fun.

She shivered when his hands moved down her back and onto her backside in order to guide her into following his rhythm. After a while, they had their rhythm set. The music pounding into her ears along with the rhythm he was setting for them was starting to make her feel really good. She placed her arms around his neck and pressed herself more into him. He slowly started to trace his lips along her neck making her shiver even more.

"God Evans, you look like such a slut," he groaned snaking his hand under her skirt.

She froze. Did he just say she looked like a slut?

"The skirt, the makeup, are you trying to drive me crazy? Dancing like that with one of my best friends. Is it all part of some plan of yours?"

She shook her head confused. What was he talking about?

"Trying to make me jealous with Remus? That's low…" The hand that was now under her skirt was traveling farther north.

Lily then understood. He was jealous.

"Are you?"

He then groaned into her ear then bit it gently.

"Yes," he whispered. "You have no idea."

"_What the hell is this?_" Remus yelled over the music. He was holding another cup of Vodka in his hand. Lily could see that Remus was definitely angry. But why?

James pushed away from Lily and glared at his best friend. Lily knew this wasn't going to be good. Her head was still spinning with the thought of James admitting to her what he just said. She wanted to talk to him about it. She didn't want Remus to interrupt what he was telling her.

"Stay away from her," James dangerously growled.

Remus then started to laugh.

"She's not yours James."

Lily had no idea what to say to reassure the both of them. She just stayed quiet and followed the scene with big scared eyes. She didn't want anything bad happening to neither of them.

"Can't you see that she doesn't need a bastard like you in her life? You treated her like shit and you know what? Now it's too late. Get over it, get over yourself!" Remus spat out.

He was definitely drunk otherwise he would have never have said something so stupid. James was fuming and Remus just kept on going.

"She doesn't like you anymore, it's OVER!"

Lily watched James' change of expression and knew something horribly bad was going to happen. She tried holding on to him, but it was too late.

He had already lunged himself at Remus.


	18. Chapter 18

**AN: Hey everyone! It's been awhile. I hadn't realized just how much I missed writing this story. University now is driving me crazy, absolutely no time for myself! I reread my story recently and realized how much I missed it! There are obviously many mistakes and I think I plan on rewriting the entire thing...I posted chapter 18 FINALLY but I think that before I post a new one, I will rewrite the others. Let me know what you guys think! I find it has been a few years since I've last read this story so I realized a bunch of mistakes and I am actually kind of embarrassed. Good idea? Or bad idea? I love all you guys so much for being so supportive. Hope you enjoy it. It is quite a bit different from my other chapters but I hope you like it anyway. **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, it all belongs to J.K Rowling. The Characters are also hers except for Alexis.**

**Special thank you to all the readers who haven't given up on this story. This is for you!**

Bella sighed contentedly. She couldn't believe her luck. Sirius was being so amazing with her. She snuggled closer to him and buried her head in his neck. They still hadn't talked but she was okay with that for now. There was so much she wanted to tell him, so much she wanted him to understand, but if he would rather talk the next day then she had to accept that. She would do anything for him, she needed him in her life.

His hand was stroking her hair absentmindedly and she wanted so badly to ask him what he was thinking. She wanted to know if they were okay, but she bit her tongue. She was in no position to be making demands...she was just so happy that he decided to take her back. She pulled away from his grasp and leaned on her elbow so she could get a better look at him.

He was so gorgeous. And he was all hers. Her heart swelled with pride as she longingly took in his dark wavy hair, that pointed nose and those breathtaking full lips. She couldn't believe just how lucky she was to find such a handsome guy that turned out to be the nicest, most amazing person she had ever met. He must have sensed her staring at him because he opened one eye and smiled at her. She smiled back and just because she couldn't help herself, she leaned forward to kiss him.

She saw the look of surprise on his face and suddenly became really dizzy as he pulled away from her.

"No, not now Bella ok?"

Her heart sank. He didn't want to kiss her. That could only mean that he was still upset at her and hadn't forgiven her...were they still broken up?

She thought that they were okay, that he had accepted her again. Why the hell did he invite her in his room in the first place if he was still angry with her? Why hold her in his arms for the past hour and pretend like everything was okay, just to push her away when she shows him affection?

She suddenly felt very sick. Things were not okay with him. He was still angry at her, they were still broken up...

"Why not?" she managed to croak out. "Because you're still upset or...?"

She saw him sigh and it took all her power to not start bawling her eyes out in front of him. She so desperately wanted him to tell her that he wasn't upset at her, that he was just really tired and wanted to hold her...anything that would soothe this deep ache she suddenly felt building up in the pit of her stomach.

"It's just I need time to think...I'm not sure what I want anymore. I don't want to be a rebound off of my friend..."

"But you're not! You're so much more to me than that!" she desperately tried to explain while jumping up off the bed.

He closed his eyes and shook his head silently.

"I'm not sure I can believe that...After the way you acted tonight, it seemed so obvious that you're not over Remus."

"Sirius, please listen to me! Remus doesn't mean anything to me anymore...you mean everything to me!"

He stayed quiet and she felt like screaming. She wasn't getting through to him. He didn't believe her. A sense of helplessness suddenly washed over her and she couldn't help the tears from falling freely down her cheeks. She couldn't believe this was happening. Sirius looked at her with guilt, but made no effort to try and console her as he would have normally done. That made things even worse.

"Why even invite me into your room in the first place if you haven't forgiven me? Why hold me in your arms only to tell me that you're not sure how you feel anymore?" she whispered. "That is beyond cruel..."

He cringed at that and he looked away from her. She stood in front of him waiting for an answer, waiting for him to say anything to her, but he just stayed silent.

"What, you're just going to start ignoring me now?" she demanded.

"No, damnit it's not like that! I just don't know what to tell you Bella. I invited you in here because you were crying and you were waiting for me outside my room, but it doesn't mean that I'm over what happened. You kissed me and I wasn't sure what to do. I didn't want to send you off because you looked so sad...I do realized that I may have given you the wrong idea, but I haven't forgiven you." he answered cautiously.

He reached out for her, but she sprang backwards.

"Don't touch me!" she almost yelled.

He looked very tired.

"I didn't want to talk about this tonight, I just wanted time to think and hold you in my arms. I still don't know what to do...please give me time."

Bella almost screamed right there. Please give me time...please give me some space to think...Those words almost always culminated in a breakup. She was not stupid, she knew exactly where this was going.

"What is there to think about? You obviously don't trust me enough to believe me when I say it's you I want, you idiot, not Remus!"

"Well what I am supposed to believe. You can say that all you want Bella, I saw the way you were staring at him tonight..."

"You saw wrong!" she desperately cried.

She just wanted things to go back to the way they were. Why couldn't he just believe her? He was basically telling her there was nothing she could do to convince him. She angrily wiped the tears away from her face, but they kept falling. She felt so stupid. How could she think they would be ok? She was so naive...

She looked up at Sirius through her tears and saw that he didn't look very sad which made it all the harder.

"Just admit that you still have feelings for Remus...at least if you admit it, we could maybe work through this. I feel like you're in denial."

"It's not true! Why are you making such a big deal out of this? It's nothing..."

That was when she saw his expression change. He suddenly tensed up and she saw his eyes go cold. She shivered, she had never seen him look so detached before.

"It's not nothing to me. I will NOT be taken for an idiot. I may not be the smartest tool in the shed Bella, but don't you dare play me for a fool! I'm giving you a chance to be honest with me, to tell me how you really feel about Remus, and if you're just going to stand there and lie through your teeth like this, I don't want anything to do with you anymore." he spat out.

She felt the blood drain from her face. He couldn't possibly mean that. He couldn't possibly throw away their whole relationship because of something so stupid. She had never seen him so angry before. She had never seen this side to Sirius before. She just wanted to go back to the way things were before.

"Sirius, I am being honest with you!" she answered in anguish.

She felt like he was slipping through her fingers like sand, she felt like she was losing him. She stepped forward and tried to touch him, but he stepped back as though she had burned him.

She had never felt so desperate and frustrated in her entire life. Here was this amazing guy right in front of her whom she loved with all her heart, who was breaking up with her because he believed she loved another.

"I can't believe you're willing to throw away our relationship because of this stupid theory of yours!"

He merely shrugged. Bella couldn't believe it. She couldn't believe how detached and unaffected he looked throughout it all. He just broke up with her and here she was crying like an idiot, while he just stood there staring at her. She felt beyond dumb. Was this the same guy she went out with? What happened to the guy that was willing to do anything to make her happy? Was that all just an act to get inside her pants?

She suddenly felt very faint.

"If you really cared for me, you would believe me Sirius. You wouldn't be doing this to me right now. I never lied to you. I loved you, but if you're willing to throw away our relationship over something so inane, so unfounded , then you are not the guy I fell in love with."

He just stood there, his blank expression eating away at her heart. She took a deep breath, looked him in the eye and whispered: "I knew you would end up doing this to me."

With those few words, she turned on her heels and walked out of his room. She closed the door behind and not once looked back as she made her way to her room. She heard people cheering downstairs, a few girls yelling. It sounded like two idiots were fighting. She didn't care. All she could think about was how Sirius didn't even try to stop her from leaving. Didn't even try to make things better. She had done all she could, she tried to convince him, but he was being so stubborn.

He didn't even seem to care. She guessed that he didn't love her nearly as much as she loved him. The thought of being away from him, of him being out of her life was killing her on the inside. She couldn't contain her tears in front of him, and there he was, just standing there looking so calm throughout it all. Why was he so cold with her? She thought he cared for her.

She crumpled onto her bed and felt all energy drain out of her. She curled up in a ball and cried, not even bothering to wipe the tears from her face. She felt sick, faint and desolate. She waited to see if maybe he would come by her room searching for her, say he was sorry and take her back. She was desperately waiting and praying he would just come knock on her door and give her some indication that he still cared for her. But the more she waited, the clearer it became that she and Sirius were done for good.

* * *

"Stop it please! James! Remus! STOP"

Lily was panicking. Everyone around her just seemed to like what was happening. Everyone was either cheering, or screaming or laughing at what was going on. Lily felt ill. She absolutely hated violence and hated seeing people get hurt. She felt so helpless. She wasn't getting through to any of them.

She saw Remus land a punch on James and her heart sank. The blood was now dripping from his nose and he looked winded, but that didn't stop him. He sprang towards Remus, but Remus had much faster reflexes than James. He was able to move to the side fairly quickly and headlock James.

"She doesn't give a shit about you anymore James, just leave her alone already, you're embarrassing yourself!" Remus laughed.

"If you weren't drunk right now, I would fucking kill you" James spat through clenched teeth.

"Oh, is that right? Well then go ahead and try."

James then brought his head back and smashed it against Remus' face. This one groaned and let go of James who then tackled Remus on the floor and held him there.

"I'm stronger than you Moony."

That was when Alexis decided to jump onto James' back and try to pull him off Remus.

"Get off of him you jerk!" she yelled at James.

James, who was momentarily stunned lost focus and didn't see the right hook that Remus launched in his direction. James got hit square in the jaw and stumbled back. He tried to get up, but he lost his balance and staggered.

That was when Lily jumped in and tried to stop Remus, but Alexis grabbed her arm and stopped her.

"I don't think so! James deserves a beating for attacking Remus like that."

"You have NO IDEA what's going on Alexis, get out of my way now."

She saw Remus hit James again, but this time he landed one on his nose. Lily could almost hear his bones break and her heart clenched.

"NO! STOP! PLEASE REMUS"

But he didn't stop. There was so much blood, so much violence, Lily couldn't handle it anymore. James was getting a beating and it was all her fault. She started crying and helplessly started screaming at Remus for him to stop. She didn't want James to get hurt. This was all her fault!

She struggled against Alexis, but Alexis was too strong. She couldn't do anything but stare at James getting pummeled by Remus.

"Alexis PLEASE, I need to get to James. He got hurt enough, please! Someone help him! WHY ARE YOU ALL JUST STANDING THERE?" she yelled at the crowd. She couldn't believe everyone was just standing there watching the whole scene, not wanting to help out one bit.

They were all so disgusting, she couldn't believe how incredibly selfish they all were! Someone was actually getting hurt and they all had the chance to stop this, but they chose not to. What was so entertaining about watching two boys beat each other? She felt sick to her stomach knowing people enjoyed watching this.

James was getting hurt and she couldn't do anything to save him. She felt like she did that night her parents got murdered. She couldn't do anything to save them, just like she couldn't do anything to save James. That feeling of dread and helplessness settled deep in her bones and she suddenly felt frozen to the ground. James just kept on getting pounded, and she was so far from him. It was torture watching him get hurt and not being able to do anything. It was eating away at her insides. She felt like screaming, crying and punching a hole through the wall all at the same time. She felt so frustrated and useless.

No! She couldn't let this happen again. She didn't want to hurt Alexis, but if the girl was just going to let James get hurt like this, then she didn't have a choice. She pulled back her elbow hard into Alexis' side who groaned and stumbled back. Lily, now free from her grasp, rushed over to James and sprawled herself on top of him.

She looked up at Remus through her tears and whispered "That's enough, please! No more violence...I can't take it. He's had enough."

James grunted and tried to push her off of him, but she stayed right where she was. Remus looked down at her, and she saw realization hit him like a slap in the face. He stumbled backwards, looked at his own hands and saw all the blood on them and suddenly turned around and heaved. Alexis was with him in an instant trying to comfort him.

"Get off me," James grunted to her. "I need to get to him."

"What for? So I could watch you get pummeled again? Fat chance!" she snapped. "We need to get you to the medical wing, you look like such a mess."

"No, not the medical wing, I don't want to have to explain myself." he pulled her closer and whispered in her ear, "I don't want Moony to get in trouble..."

Lily's heart swelled. Even though he just got beat really bad, he could never betray a friend. Even if he was very upset at him, he would never tell on Remus. He was such a good friend, he was just an asshole when it came to her. He didn't love her and he said he never would. She felt tears well in her eyes at the thought.

"You think I look like a mess? Evans your makeup is leaking all over your face."

"Well my makeup wouldn't be leaking all over my face if you hadn't been so stupid to start a fight you couldn't win," Lily snapped.

She couldn't believe he had the nerve to insult her when he was the one who was on the floor beaten and battered.

"He caught me by surprise!" James indignantly barked. "I had him before that crazy bitch jumped me..."

"Whatever James," Lily rolled her eyes at him "Are you hurting anywhere?"

"My nose, it's broken. But that's okay, it's happened to me before. I just need to snap it back in place."

"Oh god, that's disgusting. What were you thinking going into a fight like that? What the hell were you trying to accomplish?"

"If you don't mind, I would rather have this conversation after I've fixed my nose. I'm going upstairs, are you going to come with me or not?"

Lily hesitated. She didn't want to be with James alone, but she was sure he would need her help. It hurt her so much to be around him. She kept thinking back to how things used to be between them and she missed him. There were some times where he was a jerk, but there were also some times where he was genuine with her. He laughed around her and made her smile. She felt like she got to know the real James. She wanted to be with him, but she knew he didn't want the same thing. He just wanted to have sex with her.

He must have sensed her hesitation because he grabbed her hand.

"I need you to help me clean up," he continued tersely.

He didn't even ask for her help, he demanded it. He was always like that. Always demanding things, never asking nicely. That was James. But deep down she knew that what he actually meant was " I really want you to come upstairs with me". She knew the way he worked by now.

She hadn't talked to him in days before tonight. She was just learning how to get over him, did she really want to ruin all her progress by following him upstairs? If she said no, she knew she would lose him forever, but if she said yes, she could have some time alone with him and she could talk to him. Ask him all the questions she's always wanted him to answer.

She was not the same person she was when she started seeing James. She still loved him, of course, but she was starting to learn how to love herself as well. She felt stronger. He could never hurt her again as much as he already has.

Which was why she nodded and helped him to his feet.

Her heart was hammering in her chest as they slowly made their way upstairs. Lily looked back and noticed Remus looking up at her ashamed. She saw him mouth that he was so sorry to her, but she just turned away. She would handle Remus another time. For now, only the boy in front of her was on her mind.

She really wanted to talk to him, she needed to know what he meant when he told her that he was jealous. Was he serious? Or was he just playing with her again? Just the thought of James being jealous of her and Remus dancing together was ridiculous and completely unexpected but he started a fight because of her. That had to mean something right?

She needed to understand the strange way in which he was acting. Starting a fight with his best friend because he said that Lily didn't give a shit about him anymore was really odd. Was it his pride that he was defending or did he actually care about her? She had no idea and she had no idea how to approach this situation with James.

She was was so enraptured in her own thoughts that she didn't realize when they entered his room. She only noticed that Sirius was fast asleep in his bed looking completely at peace. Lily couldn't help but think that maybe he had a good night with Arabella. Unlike hers...

James pulled the curtains around Sirius' bed to give him peace and rushed into the bathroom to fix his nose. She followed behind him and saw him take out his wand and mutter a spell that started to work on his nose.

"Fuck," he moaned as the bones started to replace themselves. She saw him cringe and suddenly wanted to take his pain away. She felt like it was all her fault.

She took a wet towel that she found hanging in the bathroom and doused it with cold water. She then turned James' face towards her and started to wipe the blood off his face.

"You are going to have so many bruises in the morning..." she whispered.

With all the blood wiped from his face, she was secretly relieved when she saw that his wounds weren't nearly as bad as she thought they were. He had one cut above the eyebrow which was bleeding profusely before she put a healing spell on it, and a cut on his lip as well. He had the beginnings of a black eye so she took care of that too, all the while feeling him staring at her intently.

She felt herself blush under his intense gaze and she suddenly felt really self conscious. She was acutely aware that her makeup had leaked around her eyes and that she looked like a raccoon. A really ugly one at that. He probably thought she looked so ugly at the moment. Well too bad, she thought, it's not like he looked any better with his swollen lip and his forming bruises. Who was she kidding? James was always beautiful even at his worst.

She uttered another healing spell to fix his lip and then she sat back and admired her work. He definitely looked a lot better than he had when they first walked up here. It showed that he got into a fist-fight, but it didn't look so serious anymore. He was so gorgeous. Even though he was bruised and battered, he was still the most stunning person she had ever seen.

His hair was unkempt as usual and she just felt like running her fingers through it. He was biting his lip to see if it still hurt and her eyes stayed glued to his mouth. His lips were so full and she felt the intense need to kiss him. She remembered what it was like to kiss James and she just yearned to kiss him so bad she could barely breathe. He caught her staring and gave her a little smirk. She immediately snapped out of it.

"All done," she whispered putting her wand back in her pocket and blushing tremendously. She felt like her face was on fire.

"Thanks," James answered and reached behind him to grab another cloth that was dangling on the hanger. She saw him wet the cloth and then take a few steps towards her.

Her heart was hammering in her chest, what was he going to do? When he got in front of her, he tilted her chin up with one hand and with the other one, started to wipe away her leaking makeup.

"This stuff is disgusting, you look like a slut."

She inwardly smiled, she could always expect James to complete a nice gesture with a snarky remark.

"So you've already told me," she answered slightly irritated that he kept saying she looked like a slut even though he knew she was the furthest thing from one.

"It's no wonder Remus was all over you. Look how short your skirt is, if you bend over I'm sure I would probably see those granny panties you're so keen on wearing all the time."

"It is none of your business what kind of underwear I am wearing, or how short my skirt is. You have no right to be criticizing me right now." she answered breathless. She meant for it to come out more snappy, but he was being so gentle with her that her voice betrayed her. The hand that was tilting her chin up wound its way into her hair at the back of her head and held her in place while he continued his ministrations. She shivered from being so close to him. She missed this so much.

He didn't say anything for awhile and she was wondering if she had actually upset him when suddenly he asked her,

"Are you dating Remus?"

"Like I said, it's none of your business."

She felt him grip her hair tighter and it was starting to pull at her a little bit. It was beginning to hurt her.

"Damn it, just answer me! Yes or no, its not rocket science.", he angrily replied.

She took his hand and pulled the cloth away from her face so she could see him. He didn't look particularly angry or upset, but she knew James. She could sense it when he was angry or frustrated. He was trying to hide it, but she knew.

"No," she calmly replied "I am not dating Remus, I never did."

He continued to clean her gently, and the hand at the back of her head started to massage her scalp gently. It felt so good.

"Why did you attack Remus?" she suddenly asked.

"Why did you jump in to save me?" he replied evenly. "And why did you agree to come upstairs with me?"

"Because you were hurt and asked me to...Why did you attack Remus?"

She felt James shrug. "He annoyed me. Walking around as if he owned you and trying so hard to get with you. It was pathetic."

"He was not! He was just being friendly."

"He was grinding with you." James barked, "What kind of a girl dances with her 'friend' like that anyway? It looked like you were having sex on the dance floor."

"Don't give me that! I am allowed to do whatever I want with whoever I want. You made that crystal clear that night you had sex with Trixie! You don't own me."

She felt James shrug again.

"You were jealous," Lily stated triumphantly

"Yeah."

He suddenly let go of her and dropped the cloth in the bin in the corner of the bathroom. She stole a glance at herself in the mirror and saw that he had completely rid her face of all the makeup.

He caught her staring at herself and walked up behind her facing the mirror with her.

"You're a lot prettier without all that stuff on your face. It doesn't suit you,"

"Thanks," she said sarcastically.

She half expected him to make a move for her, but he didn't touch her. She wanted him to touch her. She felt like she was dying of anticipation, for once that she needed him to kiss her, he wasn't doing anything. She was started to get frustrated. Maybe this was a good thing...maybe if she could just walk out of his room without anything happening it would be a lot easier for her to finally move on.

She felt like her heart would come right out of her chest. Was she not desirable to him anymore? Why did she want him to make a move on her so bad? Wasn't she over him already?

"Okay...well I guess I should head back to my room now..."

She started to walk towards the door and she was surprised when he didn't try to grab at her or manhandle her like he always used to.

She opened the door to his room and turned back to face James.

"Please don't start stupid fights for stupid reasons anymore. It's not so much fun for the person who has to clean it all up afterwards..."

"It wasn't all that bad, don't kid yourself. You were like putty in my hands,"

She opened her mouth to reply an indignant retort when she saw him smile down at her. Whatever she was about to say got caught in her throat as she stared up at him. He was so beautiful. She wanted him to scoop her up in his arms and hold her like he used to, kiss her like he used to. She missed him so much. She still loved him so much. She needed to get out of there before she got pulled in deeper.

"Right, well...bye I guess..."

She started to turn away when suddenly he gently placed his hand on her shoulder.

"Wait..."

* * *

James had no idea what he wanted to tell her. he just knew that he didn't want her to leave. He wanted her to stay with him. He couldn't not talk to her, not see her. Damn it! He hated this feeling. He hated the fact that he needed her. He felt so desperate and not unlike him. The person he had made fun of his entire life. The one person James never wanted to end up like. He felt so pathetic but he couldn't help it. This was pure torture.

The moment he saw her tonight, he was angry. She looked too provocative, she was too innocent to be wearing such revealing clothes and makeup. And then the thought crossed his mind that maybe she wasn't so innocent anymore and that maybe Remus had taken that from her. They had been inseparable as of late. It annoyed James to death. The moment that thought crossed his mind, he couldn't think straight anymore. He just wanted to kill Remus.

No one was allowed to take Lily's innocence. He was the one who was supposed to do that. He was the one she was supposed to love.

"Just stay for a little while longer, there's no rush for you to leave just yet."

She looked at him warily and to his surprise she nodded. He wondered what she was thinking. If she was going to spew the shit she said the other day about being friends, he would kick her out. He didn't want to be just friends. He couldn't. But he didn't want a relationship either. He had no idea what he wanted, all he knew was that he wanted her in his life. He just didn't know how yet.

He held out his hand to her as he led her to his bed. He sat on one end and she sat on the other. He could sense her discomfort at sitting on his bed like this. It made things very intimate, even he could feel the tension in the air. He didn't want to act on any of it though, she made it pretty clear that she was over him. He didn't know if she still had feelings for him. He knew she wanted him, he could tell just by the way she was fidgeting around and blushing, but he wasn't sure if she still loved him. He was dying to find out. He wanted to know exactly what he meant for her. Was she like all the other girls who just wanted him for sex, or did she actually care for him for a change?

"I'm not going to jump you. You can stop being so nervous now."

Lily blushed even darker than she was before and he couldn't help but find it amusingly endearing. He used to hate her blushing. What the hell was wrong with him?

He lied down on his bed and she stayed put where she was at his feet.

"Do you still love me?" he asked bluntly.

He heard her offended gasp and rushed to explain.

"Look, I just want to know if you were for real or not. I'm not doing this to embarrass you, I just want to know."

He could almost hear her internal debate. She stayed quiet for what seemed like an eternity until she finally nodded.

"Yeah...I still do. Stupid right? Are you going to kick me out now? Or maybe walk out on me again?"

He shook his head. His throat suddenly felt really dry.

"It doesn't matter to me anymore anyway. I was just curious." he lied.

She laughed, but her smile didn't reach her eyes.

"Of course you wouldn't care. You never have, have you?" She asked "I never meant anything to you. I was stupid enough to believe that you could actually love me one day, can you believe it?"

James scoffed at this "I don't fall in love. I wouldn't know the first thing about it."

"Since we're being honest with each-other, can you please tell me what I meant to you then? Was I just another random girl you were out to fuck?" she snapped.

James took his time trying to figure out how to answer that question. He didn't know what to tell her. He was done playing games with her. Things got way too complicated. They were both in way too deep. Why not just put everything out in the open and then let the chips fall where they may? Why not, for once, stop calculating his every actions, and just be honest with her? She deserved it.

"I meant it when I said I could never love you Lily. You're not pretty like the other girls I've dated, you're not confident, you have no idea what you're doing sometimes. You're not the smartest person I've ever met. You're lazy and those stupid freckles on your face drive me crazy,"

He shook his head and continued,

"You say you love me but you have no idea of who I really am. I can't be a faithful boyfriend to you or anyone. I don't want to be. You saw that and yet, you tell me now that you still love me. I just don't get it. Yet, for some reason, even after knowing that you are the completely wrong kind of girl for me, you're the only one that I could spend more than a few hours with and not be completely annoyed. That's about all I know...and I hate seeing you with anyone else..."

"How nice...I do appreciate how honest you're being with me now, but I can't help but feel like you have no right to be jealous when you see me with other guys. You're the one who went and slept with someone else...how do you think that made me feel? I had just opened myself up to you completely and that was the response I got."

He shrugged.

"But that didn't mean anything to me." he defended. "You said you loved me and you wanted to lose your virginity to me. It was too much. We were on different pages. I had no idea you felt so strongly about me so soon. I needed to keep my distance."

"Keep your distance? Why did you invite me up here then?"

"I wanted to talk to you and clear some stuff up"

She rose up off the bed in a hurry.

"You are such an asshole James, just leave me alone from now on. I can't take this anymore. You wanted to know if I still loved you...why? So you could pet your ego? You are such a jerk."

He rose up off the bed as well and held her arm so she wouldn't turn away from him.

"I know I am, which is why you shouldn't feel this way about me. What we had was okay...and then you had to go and fuck it up by saying something stupid like that! God, you barely know me! You can't possibly 'love' me already."

"I know how I feel and I can't help it! You think I want to feel this way? Trust me, I don't!"

They both stayed quiet at that. He didn't know what to say to her anymore. He was still loosely holding onto her arm and couldn't help but notice how much stronger she seemed to be. He wasn't used to her answering back like this. It threw him off guard a little bit, but he wasn't surprised. He always knew she had it in her.

"You've changed," James said suddenly.

She nodded and he noticed her stare down at the spot on her arm that he was slowly tracing circles on with him thumb. She didn't try to pull away.

"I was getting tired of people walking all over me and taking me for an idiot. I'm a lot happier now..."

Was she insinuating that she was happier now that he was out of his life? He wasn't sure. He knew she didn't mean it. She couldn't possibly mean that. She said she loved him earlier...How could you love someone but at the same time want them out of your life? It made no sense to him. But then again, what the hell did he know about love?

"I can't say I'm sorry for what I did...I'm sorry I hurt your feelings, but that's who I am. I can't apologize for that. You knew that when you got involved with me in the first place."

Lily looked down at her feet. He wanted to know what she was thinking. He was being brutally honest with her. He couldn't guarantee that he would be faithful to her. He couldn't make that promise to anyone. He never wanted to change for any girl.

"It's just that I had this image of you, what I thought you were like, and that image completely shattered after I saw you with Trixie."

His grip tightened on her arm and he saw her wince. For some reason, that comment really unnerved him. Who did she think he was? Did she actually think he would change his ways for her? He couldn't believe what he was hearing. What the hell was wrong with this girl? Was she stupid or just naive?

"Well what? I'm sorry you're fucking disappointed but what did you expect? That I was going to change who I was for you? That you were going to save me or something" he laughed in her face "Wow, you really are a moron."

She shook her head in disbelief. He saw something change in her. He didn't know what it was, but suddenly she looked more confident. It almost looked like she had just realized something that she hadn't known before.

"You're really weak James. You're constantly trying to bring the people around you down because you're so insecure. I didn't see it at first, but now I do and it's actually pretty pathetic."

Pathetic? No one has ever said that to him before. That was rich coming from Lily, the most pathetic person he had ever met. He felt anger bubbling up inside of him. How dare she? Who the hell did she think she was insulting him like that? Did she not see how pathetic she was? She was the one who was professing her undying love for him! She was the one who was pitiful, not him!

"Shut up!" he snapped and gripped her arm even tighter.

She had no idea what she was talking about. He wasn't insecure at all. She was the insecure one!

"See, you're getting all riled up! You know I'm right. What we had was too much for you to handle because in so many ways you're still just a little boy. You're incapable of feeling, or at least you try so hard not to."

"Shut up, just shut up!" he almost yelled and shook her.

He couldn't believe the nerve of this girl. Is that actually what she thought of him? He was not a little boy and he was not suppressing his emotions.

"You're delusional," he continued.

"I know you care for me James, but you're too immature or scared to admit it. You started a fight because of me, you punched Remus because he was taunting you and telling you I didn't care about you anymore. Explain that! And you constantly need reassurance that I still love you. That's why every time I pull away from you, you always try to pull me back in."

"Don't kid yourself and don't get any dumb ideas! You don't mean anything to me. Nothing!"

Lily laughed "You and I both know it's a lie. It took me awhile to realize it, but now I can see it. I can see right through you James. I know you so much better than you think. And that terrifies you. I can see it now."

He let go of her and roughly pushed her away from him.

"Get out of my room you bitch! You have no idea what you're talking about."

She stumbled and almost fell flat on her face, but she managed to catch herself at the last second. She stood up and faced him and he saw how determined she was. He had never seen her like this before.

"What's wrong? You can't handle the truth?" she answered defiantly.

Her hair was all messed about around her face and her eyes were glinting with anger. He hated that stupid red hair. He hated her. She was so ugly, so beautiful.

"You're just trying to convince yourself of things you want to believe because you're the one who can't handle the truth. You can't handle the fact that I will never feel for you what you feel for me." James snarled.

He saw that she smiled at that. She thought this was funny. It wasn't funny at all. He didn't know why he cared so much what she thought of him. What she said was all false. None of it was true. He didn't care for her. He really didn't, damnit! His hands were shaking and he felt like he was just about ready to explode. He looked at her, and she looked just as upset and riled up as he was.

"I don't care what you say, I know the truth. I know what you can't admit to yourself because you're too scared."

"Shut up!"

"Ever since the beginning you've been playing games with me. You act like you care and then you tell me that you don't. You treat me like shit and then you do something nice for me. You're hot and cold. At first I was the one who was scared of you James. I was scared of what you would do to me, of you breaking my heart. But now I finally understand that you're the one who's scared."

She looked him in the eye the entire time. He felt rage bubbling up inside of him, it was lies! All of it were just lies!

"...I'm not scared of you anymore. You can't possibly hurt me any more than you already have. I'm over it. You should get over it too. It's not like I want anything to do with you anymore anyway. I just realized that what happened between us had nothing to do with me. I kept thinking I wasn't good enough for you, but tonight made me realize that you were the one who was never really good enough for me." she continued.

James was livid. How dare she say such things about him?

She broke eye contact with him and turned around to head out of the room, but he wasn't going to let her leave him like this. She needed to understand that she was wrong about him! She was completely wrong. He wasn't scared of anything, especially not her...was he? She didn't actually think that she was too good for him, did she?

He grabbed her by the arm and pulled her back. He heard her whimper, but he didn't care. She deserved the pain.

"You don't mean that!" he replied hoarsely.

"I do."

"Stop lying! Just stop it!"

She shook her head. "I'm not lying. How about you just be honest with yourself? Just admit that you're terrified of getting hurt."

He grabbed her by the shoulders and roughly pushed her against the wall. "Shut the fuck up!"

"I don't know what happened for you to become like this...maybe a horrible childhood or something, but you need to get over it. Stop being such a coward and move on!"

"I am not a coward! And you don't know the first thing about my childhood Evans. Stop assuming that you know me so well when you don't."

He could tell he was being too rough with her. He could see it in her eyes that she was starting to get frightened from his reaction, but he didn't feel bad one bit. She brought this upon herself. She had just opened a can of worms without realizing it and she had to pay the consequences. Let her be terrified, let her tremble and choke on the words that were coming out of that repulsive mouth of hers.

He hated her so much. He felt it in his gut. He couldn't even stand the mere sight of her. He hated her, she was so disgusting. He couldn't stand those fucking green eyes looking at him the way she was looking at him now. He couldn't stand the way her red hair looked redder than ever against her flushed skin. He hated the way it glinted in the dark light of his room. He wanted to rip every single one of her hairs out. His chest hurt, his head hurt...he was hurting everywhere and he had no idea why. This was all her fault, every time he was around her, she always fucked him up.

He felt himself slowly going insane. He was going to do something stupid and he knew it. She must have seen the way he was looking at her because she suddenly tried to move away from him and run for the door. He caught her after she had made a few steps and placed his hand over her mouth because he knew she would try and scream to wake Sirius up.

She struggled as he carried her towards the bed and put a silencing charm on his closed curtains before plopping her down on it. He had no idea what he was doing. All he knew was that he wanted to hurt her. He really wanted to inflict the same pain that she was putting him through. She struggled but he had pinned her down.

"Take back what you said!" he hissed.

She glared at him "I'm not taking back anything, I meant every single word!"

He was hurting her and he knew it. He was being too rough, too violent but he didn't care. He felt her trembling underneath him and briefly wondered just how far he could take this. How far his conscience would allow him to go with her.

He had never felt so angry in his entire life.

"You fucking bitch! I hate you. I fucking hate you!" he spat out. His grip tightened on her even more and he knew that she would bruise in the morning. But he didn't care. He didn't fucking care about any of that! He just wanted her to take back what she had said.

"Take. It. Back." he grunt out through clenched teeth.

"Get off me! You're hurting me," she cried.

Good, he thought. Let her feel pain. He wanted her to feel it.

"I should have let Remus beat you up! You enjoy this don't you? You love hurting other people because deep down you're hurting inside too! I pity you James. I actually feel bad for you!"

He felt like he was losing control. He couldn't think straight anymore. He was so angry, so disgusted with himself and with her. She wouldn't shut up. She just kept saying the same things over and over again. He couldn't take it anymore. Her hair was sprawled against his pillow and her face was pulled in an expression of pain and anguish. Her red hair came in stark contrast with the creamy white of his pillow and he suddenly felt sick to his stomach.

He hated her, he just wanted to hurt her, make her feel what he was feeling. He wanted to shut her up, make her understand that she couldn't just talk to him like that. She couldn't be the one controlling him. He had to always stay in control. He just couldn't lose that. It was everything to him.

He kissed her. Hard.

She wouldn't stop struggling. She was rubbing against him in all the wrong ways. It was so dirty, so disgusting and he couldn't get enough of it. He pulled at her hair, bit her lips and suckled her tongue. He couldn't control himself anymore. He lost it. He wasn't thinking straight.

Oh god, she was so ugly, so beautiful. He hated her, he couldn't get enough of her.

"I hate you," he mumbled against her lips "You make me so sick..."

He knew he kept mumbling unintelligible shit, but he was beyond caring. He didn't care anymore. Fuck control, he had lost that a long time ago.

All that mattered was that Lily wasn't pushing at him anymore, she was gripping onto him. Her hands were in his hair, on his shoulders, his back, his chest...everywhere. They were desperate. There was no room for love anymore, this was pure frustration. They were both so angry, so turned on and so out of control. There was no more holding back.

He stopped kissing her and pulled her hair roughly to the side.

"I can't stand your fucking hair...", he bit down on her exposed neck and she hissed in pain. He knew it would leave a mark in the morning, he knew that he had hurt her but he couldn't stop. He sensed that she didn't want him to.

She was squirming, trying to get closer to him, gripping onto him, trying to wrap her legs around him, but it was never close enough. He pressed into her more but he felt like he needed more than that. It wasn't enough. Not nearly enough.

He knew she felt the same way, he just knew it. She kept rubbing against him, becoming clearly frustrated and he knew exactly how she felt. They were both falling apart, both spiraling out of control and it was so beautiful. This was it. But he needed more than that, he wanted everything. He started to feel an ache settle in the pit of his stomach and it hurt so much. He just wanted to make it go away. He had no idea what it was.

He met her lips again, tangled his fingers in her striking hair and tried to forget the ache in his stomach. He pressed her more firmly against his body. He could feel her heart racing, or maybe that was his, he didn't even know anymore. He didn't care. He could taste her tears, they tasted so good. But it still wasn't enough. He could feel her giving up, he was starting to lose her.

No, no, no, he thought. They were supposed to be in this together. She couldn't leave him here alone. He kissed her even harder, tried to bring her back to him, but she was slipping away and surely enough, she pulled away from him after a few moments.

He needed her to stay with him. He needed her! Damnit! Fuck...

He watched her as she slowly tried to wrap her mind around what happened. Don't try to explain it, he thought. She would never understand what happened between them. It felt so wrong but so right.

He knew only Lily could ever make him feel that way. Only she could stir up so many emotions inside of him, only she could make him feel and lose his self-control like that.

She pushed away at him, and asked him to get off her. She was panting and her hair was all messy around her face, her cheeks were all flushed and her eyes were the most sparkling green he'd ever seen. He couldn't help but think that she had never looked more stunning.

" I'm going to go," she whispered eyeing anything but him. He could tell she was confused. Couldn't she understand that he felt the same way? He didn't want her to leave. He wanted her to stay with him. Why couldn't she just understand?

He shrugged. "Whatever Evans..."

She got up and headed towards the door, but right before disappearing she looked back at him. He saw her look at him in surprise. She wanted to say something but she just shook her head instead and walked off. He stared at the door that she had just walked out from and couldn't believe what had just happened.

He was shaking as the realization of what happened hit him like a ton of bricks. No one had ever made him lose control like that before. He was ALWAYS in control of every situation. What the hell was happening to him? He realized that she was absolutely right about him, about everything. That ache still hadn't gone away. He didn't know what to do anymore.

He brought up his hand to his face and felt all the blood drain from it. He couldn't believe it. This hadn't happened to him since that night many years ago. His cheeks were all wet.

He was crying.


End file.
